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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

So hurt!

36 replies

Lilly1812 · 02/01/2022 23:56

Just found out my husband lied to me about going to a work meeting just to go and meet an online date. He even slept with her just meeting her for the first time. He's done so many things to hurt me but I always stay because of the kids. This has hurt me so badly just because he was meant to be picking up the kids from school as I had a hospital appointment. Because of this date, he left my kids at school and my older son has to come back from secondary school to pick them up. How can he leave his kids at school just because he was running late from seeing the lady. How can I trust him to look after the kids when something happens to me? I just want to walk away with the kids cause I don't think I can forgive him this time.

OP posts:

Anordinarymum · 02/01/2022 23:57

How did you find out OP?

Original poster

Lilly1812 · 03/01/2022 00:01

Thru text messages

OP posts:

Sassypants82 · 03/01/2022 00:03

I couldn't forgive that either.
What's your situation? How would it be if You separated?

Anordinarymum · 03/01/2022 00:04

This would be the end for me I am afraid. He let you all down and did not care

Workinghardeveryday · 03/01/2022 00:04

What a complete piece of shit.

L T B - and I rarely say that. He will never bring you happiness. So sorry this happened to you and your kids xx

OppsUpsSide · 03/01/2022 00:04

Why would you forgive him?

Original poster

Lilly1812 · 03/01/2022 00:10

I'm just worried about the kids. They are still so young I don't know what to say to them. I've put up with so much and I think I will be just fine leaving him. He does nothing to help anyway. Was holding on because of the kids but this has just gone beyond forgiveness

OP posts:

Jk24 · 03/01/2022 00:27

Ltb you deserve better

Aquamarine1029 · 03/01/2022 00:32

Stop being a doormat. You are the maker of your own misery at this point because you keep accepting such shit treatment. Kick him out.

Summerfun54321 · 03/01/2022 00:36

They are still so young I don't know what to say to them.

He’s the one that needs to explain this to your kids, not you. Tell him you’re kicking him out and give him a week to think how he’s going to sensitively break it to the children. This is not on you, it’s on him.

Weeteeny · 03/01/2022 01:00

Oh you deserve so much better than this. This is beyond forgivable. He should have been thinking of you at your hospital appt whilst managing the DC or even accompanying you but instead he couldn't care less.

It sounds to me that there have been other things he has done which make your life difficult or sad, perhaps this horrible behaviour could be the point that you decide to take action.

Remember what he has done, write a list of all the uncaring things he has done and refer to it each time you need to remind yourself why you are kicking his ass to the kerb.

You can do it and your life will be so much better in the long term, trust me x

Yes there will be upheaval , however you can't live like this

youvegottenminuteslynn · 03/01/2022 01:08

If they're young it's the best time to break up tbh. Then they have the minimum amount of their childhood witnessing a dysfunctional, unhappy and unhealthy relationship so they are less likely to replicate it as adults themselves. If you stay it won't be 'for them' because it's not in their best interests.

Maze76 · 03/01/2022 01:12

I have read some shocking things on Mumsnet, I read your post with my mouth hanging open.

This man obviously does not value or respect you or his children. He has put his need for sex with a stranger off the internet above the welfare of his own children.

For the mental well being of yourself and your children, you need to cut him off!

From the tone of your post, it would seem that your husband brings little to table anyway- you do the majority, so you are practically a single parent as is.

Do not delay ending the marriage- your children are resilient, they will adapt to the changes, and will more than likely thrive without his presence.
The utter disrespect he has shown his family is astounding- kick him out!

MsDogLady · 03/01/2022 04:56

Lilly, this Loser is a horrible husband and father. He is a toxic role model for your children.

You need to leave because of your dear children. They are being damaged by this pig who puts lies and sleazy sex before their well-being.

Original poster

Lilly1812 · 03/01/2022 08:07

Thank you all. I haven't confronted him yet so he has no idea I know. Will confront him and tell him I can't continue the relationship anymore.

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 03/01/2022 08:13

You're only upset about the kids, not the sex, judging by your post. It shouldn't be a huge surprise to him that you're ending the 'relationship'.

layladomino · 03/01/2022 08:39

This is so shocking.

He - a married man - arranges to meet up with a woman, and have sex with her. This is while his wife is at a hospital appointment and he's meant to pick the children up from school, but he forgets to do that as he's busy having sex with another woman.

And from your post it seems he brings nothing to the table anyway.

Please stop staying 'for the kids'. You aren't doing them any favours. Your marriage will erode any sense of who you are. It is making you miserable. You will feel resentful and unloved. All these things will affect who you are as a Mum. You can't be the best mum to your children in this situation.

Whereas if you leave you can claim your life and self-respect back. You can create a calm, happy, loving home with your children. They will grow up in a home filled with love.

They are young which makes it easier. It will get harder as they get older and become more aware.

And if you stay, they will see a poor relationship model, which they may take in to their own adult relationships. Much better for them to see their mum be strong and show them you don't put up with poor behaviour from a partner.

You deserve so much better than this man. Your children deserve better than living with a man who puts sex with a stranger over them.

maskedwoman · 03/01/2022 09:12

It surprises me that you aren't more upset about this - obviously only judging from what you have written, it might be very different so apologies if so.

You can't stay in this marriage op. He's walking all over you and your kids will suffer so much more if you stay. There's clearly more to this story.

You need to find your strength, realise your worth and leave.

SilverPeacock · 03/01/2022 09:15

In the long run your kids would not thank you for staying with this dope.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/01/2022 09:17

Stop staying for the kids!!

GentlemanJayFab · 03/01/2022 09:20

@Lilly1812

From my experience leaving when the kids are younger is far less disruptive than when they are in their teens.

Struggling1702 · 03/01/2022 09:28

OP please leave. My husband cheated on me twice and I stayed for the kids. Honestly, for me, having children from a split home was the worse thing for me and something I swore I'd never do. My parents divorced when I was 10 and it was horrendous and I never wanted them to go through that. So I stayed... He was far from perfect in other ways too tbh and had it not been for the kids I'd have left regardless of the infidelity.
Guess what... He cheated again so 2 years ago he moved out. And guess what... The kids are pretty bloody happy 🥰. They're 6 and 11 now and doing brilliantly at school, we have an amazing relationship. Yes I work too much now and I'm always tired but I am raising my children how I want, with the morals I want. My eldest is actually much happier since his dad left and everyone, including my MIL said she can't believe the change in him.
So please, do not stay for the kids. They will be fine and they may even be better than fine xx

Original poster

Lilly1812 · 03/01/2022 10:30

There is a lot more. You see I got with him when I was 19 and I'm 36 now. He's put me through so much. He cheated and left when I was pregnant. I've kicked him out so many times but always takes him back. The reason why im so upset is because I found out I'm hpv positive and told him thinking it will shock him into changing but no, he went and did what he did just a month after. He's all I've known for 18 years now and I've never cheated .

OP posts:

maskedwoman · 03/01/2022 10:41

@Lilly1812

It's time to let go op.

Nothing will change him and you need to accept that. I'm so very sorry

But you deserve so much more!!

IwishICouldTurnBackTime · 03/01/2022 11:11

OP I rarely post, but felt so shocked by yours that I had to comment!

He obviously feels complete disregard for you to do what's he's done and continues to do, so you know it won't stop, even after he's infected you with hpv.

It will grind you down, day after day, year after year if you don't get him out. Please, please get rid of him and start to live your life without this complete pig of a man! It will be hard to begin with, but you will, eventually start to live a better life without someone that treats you with such utter contempt! You really don't need a man in your life to make you feel complete, but perhaps in time you will meet someone who's worthy of your loyalty. xx

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