Hi
We’ve been together 20 years since I was 18.
We are quite different people, I’m a very positive extrovert, he’s quite a negative introvert.
We used to get along well but I feel like we are slowly drifting apart. I’ve probably become less keen to ‘fix all his woes’ and he’s feeling rejected.
I feel like he sucks the joy out of me. Our communication is terrible. If I bring up a problem He shouts rather than talks and so I just have stoped bothering.
We don’t really chat, laugh etc together. No hello hug kiss, no hand holding, no saying I love you.
He wants to have sex a lot, I don’t feel that connection with him anymore and he feels rejected that way too.
His self esteem is shit, he thinks he would be alone if it wasn’t for me.
But I’m changing as I approach 40. I’m
Getting more successful in my career and feeling less responsible for supporting him with his on-off depression when he does absolutely nothing to support himself with this.
At work or with friends I’m always laughing, life and soul but at home there’s nothing.
I think Our children are picking up on it, I don’t want to Model this joyless relationship to them.
But it’s so hard.
We have lots of history. My whole adult life really, so it’s very sad. He feels rejected and that he tries to hug me etc and it’s true I am shying away because I feel like I’ve died a death of a thousand papercuts. Crying at Disneyland/in the toilet at Christmas because he’s being a miserable twat.
He’s not purposefully unkind, he just doesn’t know how to communicate well and often sounds rude but insists he doesn’t mean it. He can be thoughtful and kind too.
I just feel like we’ve grown apart and I could be happier with someone who feels like a real friend, to share laughter and happiness.
I think I’ve got the ick a bit too.
This isn’t the first time I felt like this and I end up feeling guilty because he has low self worth and looks destroyed and I don’t want yo break his heart but equally I can’t change his personality.
But I feel a bit heartless, like it’s not bad enough to leave.
Practicalities will be a nightmare with childcare and stuff. Money probably ok.
And words of wisdom would be so so gratefully received.