This last weekend I reconnected with my ex (I text him) and i told him i was married. He was really really upset and said he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He wrote me a long emotional message about how he waited for me to come back and he turned away women with the idea maybe one day I’d return and we could get married.
Well now. He sat around being a virgin in case one day you 'returned'. But he didn't think about looking for you? And most importantly - he wants nothing to do with you because you have slept with your husband?
He is punishing you...
We both made a promise to eachother when we were together that we would keep our virginity and lose it to one another when we were married. When we spoke on the phone he mentioned that he turned away advances from other women to keep his promise to me but all that time I was having sex with my soon to be ex husband and that really hurts him.
He is punishing you...
He told me he went out on a date last weekend with a girl to the place me and him used to go. Even though im married im so jealous it really hurts seeing him with another woman.
He is punishing you...
You are right I shouldn’t run into another marriage but I crave his presence I want to spend my life with him. I have realised what I want. I just dont know if he will ever be the same with me. I want to start over with him and show him how much he means to me.
You have agreed that you have been bad and that you are worthless and must be punished, and now you are setting out to show him that you will do anything to regain his trust. This right here, is the beginning of co-dependency and this RIGHT HERE is why you 'crave' to be with him. It is the start of the ADDICTION of a woman to making herself feel better about herself by proving how worthy she is to her punisher.
You have taken the first step in an awful, unequal, potentially abusive relationship - and it feels GOOD, right? Remember, no-one would ever enter such a relationship if it felt bad...
I know on this forum many women have way more experience than me I appreciate that. But i feel some women just settle for stability instead of finding a true soulmate (I believe they exist) if anything i believe they exist more now.
This is you feeling how GOOD it is to find a way to self worth in this sort of fucked up relationship.
My ex is really upset at me he as every right I understand exactly.
This is you feeling how GOOD it is to find self worth by being abused. You now NEED him to be angry at you - it makes you feel tested and worthy, right? You can PROVE yourself by loving him whatever he says or does! Sainthood beckons!!
I know he waited for me, i know a really attractive woman from the same background as us that worked with him and really found him attractive she made advances on him and he turned her away. This was a big thing because a lot of men wanted her hand in marriage and he turned her away for me and he didnt even know i was married. (I know someone who works with him)
This is you proving to yourself that it is all about him loving you. Whatever he does, he does it for you...
But if you ever think im going to leave this man without telling him and showing him how much i love him and how much I respected his devotion to me even after being in the dark your sadly mistaken. I could never forgive myself.
Off down the co-dependency rabbit hole you go, I'm afraid. You now really agree with him that you are entirely to blame and further - you now even invite him to blame you some more so that you can prove even more how you are worthy, and on and on it goes... It is all a bit squalid and depressing really.
I wonder if you understand that proper adult relationships are not actually like this.