Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Getting over the worst breakup of my life

46 replies

Crybaby92 · 01/01/2022 13:52

Hello everyone! I hope you are all doing well and enjoying this freshly started new year. It's my first time on this forum but I would really appreciate to receive some feedback about a situation that has been weighting on my chest for a couple of days now: me and my now ex boyfriend had been dating for two months and everything was going amazingly, we were slowly building a relationship from scratch slowly but surely, everything was going great until he went home for the holidays. During this 1 week period when we didn't see each other he actually met up with his ex (with whom he broke up basically a month before we started dating) and while he said he's not interested in going back to his ex, meeting allowed for the re-emergence of many traumas, fear and anxieties that I guess he has not gotten over yet. This encounter led to him fundamentally breaking things up between us because he said he wouldn't be able to give me the stability and the relationship I deserve, although he does feel something for me. He worded it by saying that he needed to heal from those traumas and from his past before being able to fully commit to a relationship. I am heartbroken and disappointed because while I know that the only thing I can do now is respect and accept his decision, what I feel for him is still strong and deep and I can't see myself moving on from this situation. Does anyone have any advice for this type of issue? Thank you everyone in advance, much love

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 01/01/2022 13:56

You simply leave him alone and move on. You were only dating for two months, you barely even knew each other. Be thankful you didn't waste very much time on him.

WhoppingBigBackside · 01/01/2022 14:00

Block him on your phone, e-mail and social media accounts.
You were a rebound girlfriend, sorry.
Move on with your life.

MMmomDD · 01/01/2022 14:04

If this is the ‘worst breakup of your life’ - consider yourself lucky.
You barely know each other. The ‘strong feelings’ you have for him are only a few weeks old - it’s just the initial attraction. They’ll dissipate soon.

Original poster

Crybaby92 · 01/01/2022 14:15

@Aquamarine1029

You simply leave him alone and move on. You were only dating for two months, you barely even knew each other. Be thankful you didn't waste very much time on him.

I do understand that two months isn't that long but I still feel crushed by this, I want to move on and forget about him but it seems so hard to do when all I would love is to be close to him

OP posts:

Original poster

Crybaby92 · 01/01/2022 14:15

@WhoppingBigBackside

Block him on your phone, e-mail and social media accounts. You were a rebound girlfriend, sorry. Move on with your life.

I will do my best to move on, it pains me to think that I was just a replacement but I guess it could have been a possibility...

OP posts:

Original poster

Crybaby92 · 01/01/2022 14:16

@MMmomDD

If this is the ‘worst breakup of your life’ - consider yourself lucky. You barely know each other. The ‘strong feelings’ you have for him are only a few weeks old - it’s just the initial attraction. They’ll dissipate soon.

I do think I'm lucky in this regards but I don't want to minimise my feelings just because it was a relatively new bond, I wish my feelings would dissipate soon to be honest

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 01/01/2022 14:17

You don't have a choice, do you? The relationship, if you can even call it that, is over. He doesn't want to be with you. You have made far too much of this two month affair. He is basically a stranger to you.

TedMullins · 01/01/2022 14:18

Sorry OP, but you were a rebound. He might not have wanted to get back with his ex but there were clearly unresolved feelings there and he wasn’t ready to start a new relationship. It’s shit but it’s happened to most of us. You really do need to just block him and move on (and sorry to sound gloomy but prepare to have much worse breakups than this in the future!)

TyrannosaurusRegina · 01/01/2022 14:22

It wasn't a relationship, it was a rebound for him. He was using you to plug up the hole his ex left. Block him everywhere and move on. 2 months is nothing.

CagneyNYPD1 · 01/01/2022 14:24

He's all over the place. You deserve more than this.

Walk away. Block his phone number and block him on all forms of social media.

He and his ex may choose to be on this emotional roller-coaster but you don't have to. Walk away.

You had a nice time together but he is not the man you thought he was.

CagneyNYPD1 · 01/01/2022 14:25

Oh and throw yourself into things that you usually enjoy. Do not sit around thinking about him.

CamsPaisleyCuffs · 01/01/2022 14:28

You can have all the chemistry in the world with someone, but if the timing's not right there's nothing you can do. Block him so you're not tempted to reach out to him in a weak moment and also so that he doesn't catch you in a weak moment when you get that "Hey you" message from him.

Keep busy, be thankful for the time you had together and the how he made you feel during the good times, that's still all out there for you in the future, but not with him.

Original poster

Crybaby92 · 01/01/2022 14:32

@TedMullins

Thank you for the support, I am slowly understanding that what he didn't wasn't right towards me and even though it hurts, distance is for the better in this situation I think

OP posts:

Original poster

Crybaby92 · 01/01/2022 14:33

@CagneyNYPD1

He's all over the place. You deserve more than this.

Walk away. Block his phone number and block him on all forms of social media.

He and his ex may choose to be on this emotional roller-coaster but you don't have to. Walk away.

You had a nice time together but he is not the man you thought he was.

You are absolutely right, I guess that's what's throwing me off, I had an idea of him and now doesn't align with his actions and that's disappointing, I guess moving on is the only solution

OP posts:

Original poster

Crybaby92 · 01/01/2022 14:35

@CamsPaisleyCuffs

Keep busy, be thankful for the time you had together and the how he made you feel during the good times, that's still all out there for you in the future, but not with him.

I definitely agree with you, taking time for myself is important and while im definitely hurt right now I can still move on and cherish the positives instead of focusing on the negatives. I guess timing is a big issue in this and to avoid all that I will try my best to not reach out or connect with him even though he said he still wants me to be apart of his life, I just don't think I can as of now

OP posts:

AtrociousCircumstance · 01/01/2022 14:38

You’re grieving the hopes and dreams you had built up around this recently met person. So you’re in pain over a concept rather than having an actual bond broken. So you will hopefully find the acute pain passes quicker than you fear.

AtrociousCircumstance · 01/01/2022 14:39

Omg no don’t keep him on your life it will only prolong the agony! Block.

Original poster

Crybaby92 · 01/01/2022 14:41

@AtrociousCircumstance

This makes so much sense I never saw it that way! thank you for sharing your opinion it means a lot

OP posts:

AtrociousCircumstance · 01/01/2022 14:47

You’re welcome OP You’ll be ok, treat yourself kindly.

NotaCoolMum · 01/01/2022 15:29

He’s full of crap- whatever “trauma” he’s been through from his ex and needing to heal melodrama…. Just let him go. He sounds like he’s still hung up on his ex and you were a rebound. 💖 move onwards and up 👍🏼💐

flowery · 01/01/2022 15:34

He’d only been split up from his ex a few weeks, and you’d been seeing him for two months?

Block him and delete. No contact will fix this one pretty soon, honestly. He was just messing about on the rebound so it’s really good this has happened now rather than later.

Moretodo · 01/01/2022 15:54

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/

Spend some time on this site. Figure out why you invested so much in him. It wasn't healthy for you.

Thankfully over sooner than later.
If he comes back, please tell him to do one.

Put all thst energy into yourself. You have to live with you after all, and you're worth it, whether you know it or not.

Onthedunes · 01/01/2022 16:01

You will recover and go on to love fully without hesitation.

But first find someone who has broken up properly with their partner.
This one is still in a relationship that has not ended.

Find one that doesn't utter a word about his ex.

GuiltParty · 01/01/2022 16:17

Having been through a few breakups now of varying levels of pain, this is what I’ve found works in getting over it:

accept that you’re going to feel shit for a while. It goes with the territory unfortunately. Learn to sit with the awful feelings and remind yourself this too shall pass.
keep yourself distracted - absorb yourself in good films, books, podcasts etc and keep actively busy - my house is never so clean and tidy as when I’m grieving a relationship but also exercise can get rid of some energy and provide some feel good hormones.
then it’s just a case of time doing it’s thing and before you know it, you’re over it.

Sorry you’re hurting OP Sometimes breaking up in the honeymoon period can be the most painful of breakups.

Original poster

Crybaby92 · 01/01/2022 18:43

@NotaCoolMum

I think it's probably like that, it's just painful and I guess I'll just have to take some time to properly readjust

OP posts:

Flip

1 2