Page 2 | Getting over the worst breakup of my life

Crybaby92 · 2022-01-01T13:52:10+00:00

Hello everyone! I hope you are all doing well and enjoying this freshly started new year. It's my first time on this forum but I would really appreciate to receive some feedback about a situation that has been weighting on my chest for a couple of days now: me and my now ex boyfriend had been dating for two months and everything was going amazingly, we were slowly building a relationship from scratch slowly but surely, everything was going great until he went home for the holidays. During this 1 week period when we didn't see each other he actually met up with his ex (with whom he broke up basically a month before we started dating) and while he said he's not interested in going back to his ex, meeting allowed for the re-emergence of many traumas, fear and anxieties that I guess he has not gotten over yet. This encounter led to him fundamentally breaking things up between us because he said he wouldn't be able to give me the stability and the relationship I deserve, although he does feel something for me. He worded it by saying that he needed to heal from those traumas and from his past before being able to fully commit to a relationship. I am heartbroken and disappointed because while I know that the only thing I can do now is respect and accept his decision, what I feel for him is still strong and deep and I can't see myself moving on from this situation. Does anyone have any advice for this type of issue? Thank you everyone in advance, much love <3

Original poster

Crybaby92 · 01/01/2022 18:45

@Moretodo

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/

Spend some time on this site. Figure out why you invested so much in him. It wasn't healthy for you.

Thankfully over sooner than later.
If he comes back, please tell him to do one.

Put all thst energy into yourself. You have to live with you after all, and you're worth it, whether you know it or not.

Thank you for the suggestion, I will surely take a look! I think it was somewhat healthy for me to invest time and affection in him because I really enjoyed the time we spent together, I just need to distance myself from him and focus on myself from now on because it is clear we are headed different ways

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Original poster

Crybaby92 · 01/01/2022 18:46

@Onthedunes

You will recover and go on to love fully without hesitation.

But first find someone who has broken up properly with their partner.
This one is still in a relationship that has not ended.

Find one that doesn't utter a word about his ex.

Yeah maybe I should have noticed it a bit sooner but I guess when you like someone you really are blind to the red flags, thank you for your words!

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Snoopfroggyfrogg · 01/01/2022 18:47

Sorry, OP. Short relationships where you feel there's potential hurt like a bastard. No contact is the best policy here, get back out there, and throw yourself into lots of distractions. You'll be fine

duvetdayforeveryone · 01/01/2022 18:51

@flowery

He’d only been split up from his ex a few weeks, and you’d been seeing him for two months?

Block him and delete. No contact will fix this one pretty soon, honestly. He was just messing about on the rebound so it’s really good this has happened now rather than later.

This.

arcof · 01/01/2022 18:53

2 months ago he wasn't in your life so try to rewind to then, what did you do, how did you keep busy? It will take a bit of time and it's ok to just sit with the bad feelings right now, but come back in 6 months and I guarantee you'll be fine and he'll be but a memory.

Ps my now husband kind of did this (although not over an ex) when we first started dating, so I said ok then and stopped talking to him, even though it was a punch in the guts. It only took a few days and he was back and fully in it both feet. . My point being, he may never come back and even if he did would you want him, but he's never going to miss you if you keep in touch. Don't respond to him, don't try to convince him. Focus on this will at least keep your mind focused until you are over it.

Original poster

Crybaby92 · 01/01/2022 20:16

@Snoopfroggyfrogg

Sorry, OP. Short relationships where you feel there's potential hurt like a bastard. No contact is the best policy here, get back out there, and throw yourself into lots of distractions. You'll be fine

Thank you, really, I agree on the no contact policy, I guess it hurts me that we were headed in such a great direction

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Original poster

Crybaby92 · 01/01/2022 20:19

@arcof

2 months ago he wasn't in your life so try to rewind to then, what did you do, how did you keep busy? It will take a bit of time and it's ok to just sit with the bad feelings right now, but come back in 6 months and I guarantee you'll be fine and he'll be but a memory.

Ps my now husband kind of did this (although not over an ex) when we first started dating, so I said ok then and stopped talking to him, even though it was a punch in the guts. It only took a few days and he was back and fully in it both feet. . My point being, he may never come back and even if he did would you want him, but he's never going to miss you if you keep in touch. Don't respond to him, don't try to convince him. Focus on this will at least keep your mind focused until you are over it.

I didn't see it in this light thank you, before him I relied more on my support network, my friends, and on myself, I think I should try and go back to that perspective in this situation. I'm super glad you and your husband managed to pull through this type of issues, honestly I'm not sure it will be the case for us but I think it's important for me now to not latch onto the hope of one day maybe being in the "right" context. As of now im currently not initiating any contact and just replying in the most minimal way possible to his attempts, I think it's the only way forward for me

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Verbena87 · 01/01/2022 20:24

Block him. You can tell him what you’re doing if you don’t want to ghost him, but it’ll stay messy if you stay in touch.

Running and cold water swimming are the best for acute heartbreak - both force you back into the moment and into your body. Couch to 5k is great if you’ve not run before/for ages, and some open water venues do taster sessions for new outdoor swimmers (do not just plunge in the sea/a lake if you’re not acclimated as it can be risky, and deffo not a river as Boris et al are allowing them to be filled with raw sewage)

WhatAHexIGotInto · 01/01/2022 20:29

Some people are being really harsh, almost dismissing the OPs feelings. No, they weren't together for a long time but it's still shit when someone you really like dumps you.

OP, all you can do is leave him to it. Keep busy and move on as best you can. It's hurtful but it sounds like his mind is made up.

Original poster

Crybaby92 · 01/01/2022 20:58

@Verbena87

Block him. You can tell him what you’re doing if you don’t want to ghost him, but it’ll stay messy if you stay in touch.

Running and cold water swimming are the best for acute heartbreak - both force you back into the moment and into your body. Couch to 5k is great if you’ve not run before/for ages, and some open water venues do taster sessions for new outdoor swimmers (do not just plunge in the sea/a lake if you’re not acclimated as it can be risky, and deffo not a river as Boris et al are allowing them to be filled with raw sewage)

Part of me really wants to keep in touch because I do still care a lot but I know it's not good so I'll do my best to keep away

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Original poster

Crybaby92 · 01/01/2022 21:00

@WhatAHexIGotInto

Some people are being really harsh, almost dismissing the OPs feelings. No, they weren't together for a long time but it's still shit when someone you really like dumps you.

OP, all you can do is leave him to it. Keep busy and move on as best you can. It's hurtful but it sounds like his mind is made up.

I know were weren't together for years and years but you're right it's still very very painful, especially because the breakup wasn't mutual and I still have feelings for him. I do thank you for your precious advice, I want to keep busy and avoid contact as much as possible for now, it's gonna take a bit but I want to heal from this as fast as possible

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Verbena87 · 01/01/2022 21:05

I’d tell him not to contact you in that case, that it’s too painful for you and if he’s allowed to redefine the terms of the relationship because of trauma then so are you. Then…

you don’t have to block him
when he contacts you anyway, you know he’s the kind of person to trample on your boundaries and you can then block him.

Honestly, do not have contact if you want to feel better.

minmooch · 01/01/2022 21:32

You remind yourself that it was only 8 weeks of your life. How many times did you actually see him? You didn't know him. You had a life before those 8 weeks. Block him and keep busy.

Original poster

Crybaby92 · 02/01/2022 07:26

@Verbena87

I’d tell him not to contact you in that case, that it’s too painful for you and if he’s allowed to redefine the terms of the relationship because of trauma then so are you. Then… 1) you don’t have to block him 2) when he contacts you anyway, you know he’s the kind of person to trample on your boundaries and you can then block him.

Honestly, do not have contact if you want to feel better.

Thank you, I will stop trying to contact him, I don't want to block him but I do want to keep my distance

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Original poster

Crybaby92 · 02/01/2022 07:27

@minmooch

You remind yourself that it was only 8 weeks of your life. How many times did you actually see him? You didn't know him. You had a life before those 8 weeks. Block him and keep busy.

Well I saw him a lot during this time but you are right, my life was ok before him and it will be now, I just need to keep busy and allow for healing, thank you

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CarrieMoonbeams · 02/01/2022 07:53

Aww bless you OP, I'm sure most of us have been in a similar situation and it's rotten, I know.

I like what a previous poster said, that breaking up in the honeymoon period is really hard - mainly because you weren't together for long enough for his irritating habits (we all have them!) to come to the surface.

Do you know that saying, that people come into your life for "a reason, a season, or a lifetime"? I wonder if you could look at your situation and think of it like that - in that, he came into your life for a reason, and that reason is to teach you to make sure that someone is over their ex properly before you start dating them seriously? You've also got friends and hobbies to keep you busy, and that can be another thing that you can use to hold on to - just a reminder not to invest everything in someone else, always try to keep up with your friends and hobbies when you're in a relationship.

There's always positives that you can use to learn and move forward. Have a hug from me, and a hot chocolate too I think.

Dozer · 02/01/2022 07:57

Mistake to date someone so recently out of a serious relationship!

It was two months: you hardly knew him! If he ‘moved fast’ that was another bad sign.

No contact would be best.

Original poster

Crybaby92 · 02/01/2022 07:59

@CarrieMoonbeams

Aww bless you OP, I'm sure most of us have been in a similar situation and it's rotten, I know.

I like what a previous poster said, that breaking up in the honeymoon period is really hard - mainly because you weren't together for long enough for his irritating habits (we all have them!) to come to the surface.

Do you know that saying, that people come into your life for "a reason, a season, or a lifetime"? I wonder if you could look at your situation and think of it like that - in that, he came into your life for a reason, and that reason is to teach you to make sure that someone is over their ex properly before you start dating them seriously? You've also got friends and hobbies to keep you busy, and that can be another thing that you can use to hold on to - just a reminder not to invest everything in someone else, always try to keep up with your friends and hobbies when you're in a relationship.

There's always positives that you can use to learn and move forward. Have a hug from me, and a hot chocolate too I think.

Thank you for the support, it really means the world, yeah I guess the fact that it wasn't a lengthy relationship didn't even allow for those negatives to emerge so now im basically only looking back at the positives. Thank you for the virtual hug and the wishes, I will take some time to focus on myself instead of him and I hope this pain fades as fast as possible

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Original poster

Crybaby92 · 02/01/2022 07:59

@Dozer

Mistake to date someone so recently out of a serious relationship!

It was two months: you hardly knew him! If he ‘moved fast’ that was another bad sign.

No contact would be best.

Yeah I completely agree with you on the no contact perspective, thank you

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VodselForDinner · 02/01/2022 08:12

He’s behaved really badly.

I agree with the block and ignore approach- he sounds like a drama llama and I’d imagine he’ll be in touch and try to reel you back in again.

Learn from this one, OP. Protect your heart early on in relationships and avoid men who are on the rebound- too much emotional baggage.

Original poster

Crybaby92 · 02/01/2022 09:10

@VodselForDinner

He’s behaved really badly.

I agree with the block and ignore approach- he sounds like a drama llama and I’d imagine he’ll be in touch and try to reel you back in again.

Learn from this one, OP. Protect your heart early on in relationships and avoid men who are on the rebound- too much emotional baggage.

Yeah i do understand it was pretty naive of me to immediately believe his every word but everything was going smoothly, slowly and amazingly until he saw his ex, that's so unfortunate but I guess it is what it is, now I just need to move on

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