Just that !
Got 3 beautiful kids
But in a terrible marriage
On so many grounds …
kids are growing up fast and developing their lives separately , but they still need our support
Obviously
Which we can’t really provide as we are not a supportive team who see anything the same - everything is a battle ( access to technology , behaviours , manners )
One child is closer to dad and I am terrified that divorce would make the kids feel like their loyalties are divided … and make them fall out … and he will be left on his own or resentful of being removed from dad
I hate arguing but dad is constantly angry and anxious and children are suffering . He is a big wage earner and has told me that I have no option to divorce unless I want to be very sorry
I fear splitting up won’t make the issues easier either if they get one rule from me on weekdays, another on weekends… and 3 kids with different needs is a lot even when things go well … it’s not going to make all the problems disappear if I am a single parent trying to make ends meet
I feel like I am the only disciplinarian - so the hate and push back from the kids comes to me and I am not enjoying parenting at all. Especially to the older kids …
I fell zero value in my life - but suicide is not ok. So I need to shake myself up … but how ?
Every day is a struggle and I can’t stop fantasising about hurting myself to make all this stop
I need help - it’s not fair on my children for me to not be strong and positive
But how ? How do I make it work every single day when I just want to melt away