Teenage daughter, partner and I all positive. Daughters attitude

[bringbackvinyl]

The three of us are positive. We spent days together over last week.partner got positive test this morning, my daughter andyesterday evening. Partner doesn't live with us.
Teenage daughter is being so rude and disrespectful to me.she is browned off about missing her friends and social life. I get that. She has told me that she is sick of me and wants her space. I get that too. It has been claustrophobic over the holidays and we were looking forward to our space.
My partner is also positive and is going to isolate with us. We had planned to spend this weekend together.
My daughter refused to go to her Dads, spends the majority of her free time in her room and is now being really rude and disrespectful towards me.
I've just told her that my partner will also be isolating here and she is not happy.
She texts me when she wants something delivered to her room but other than that I'm told to keep away.
I'm sick of her treatment of me despite understanding why she is so off but is she being reasonable about my partner staying ?
She won't engage with me anyway, just here to serve her basically. She isn't actively sick so she just chats to her friends all day on line.
Is she being fair or am I being unfair ?

She sounds just like my 16 yo (17 next week). So rude, particularly every time we've had to isolate (which we did several times over the summer when her siblings got covid, and then when she got it) . It's like it's a personal attack on her, and we all have to know about it. I dreaded another one of us getting it or having to isolate.

When her sibs got it, she stuck signs up on each of the rooms banning them, allocating them bathrooms and wandering around very ostentasciously in mask and gloves. I tried to send her to her dads, but she refused to go. I just had to rise above it and be a vision of calm and serenity. (mostly).

Anyway, with her each time by about day 3 or 4 she got much better, by day 10 she was lovely.

My teens can be lazy and rude with the best of them but even they wouldn't dare text me in another room to fetch them something. She is treating you like a slave and you are letting her - stop this nonsense and if she wants to eat, she comes downstairs and either sits with you or sorts herself out. Cheeky madam

How is getting a snack an example of something she cant do?

Honestly OP, stop pandering to her while complaining that she's rude and disrespectful.

Can you not see you're encouraging her?

When I read your first OP I though you were going to say she was 13/14. At 17 she shouldn't be acting like that. I don't know if kids are more immature now or something, but at 17 me and my friends had packed in the teenage angst a few years before. Seems the norm with 17 year olds now though. My friend's daughter spends the whole time screaming at her. Put your foot down and don't entertain it. She's practically an adult and needs to start acting like one.

She's been a typical teen and taking her frustrations out on the person she knows will love and support her despite her being like she is.

Don't take it personally but also don't engage unless she speaks to you properly.

One of my teens is very rude to her dad yet he still does as she asks. She knows that if she spoke to me like that, she would get nothing.

I can see that she is but I've spoken to her and intend to fully follow through now that it's just the two of us.

You definitely don't 'give in to her wishes' OP!

It's rotten luck but she is being a teenager (some grow out of this phase earlier than others but DD2 didn't until she was in her 20s)

OP,

You do her no favour allowing her speak to you like that.

Was it not enough that her father treated you badly.

Tell her that she bucks up her manner or move to her fathers.

You badly need to model some self respect OP.

I wouldn't dream of putting up with being spoken to badly, no matter how grumpy they feel.

I am not anyones emotional punching bag and won't be treated like one either.

At 17, and not ill, why are you waiting on her?

Tell her to grow up.

On the other hand, she can't see the people she wants to spend time with, but you can... so maybe ask your partner to stay away.

Why do you put up with this? Texting you to deliver to her room?

Er no, you want something come and get it. Do food for everyone at meal times, she doesn’t join in she gets her own

At 17 she can a,so start doing her own washing, ironing etc

Why would she need help getting a snack?!

At her age I moved out of home, my parents left us alone from when I was probably 15 to go on holiday for 2 weeks... refusing to leave her alone and waiting on her like she's a small child... you're doing yourself absolutely no favours!!

You can't moan about her texting you to bring her things if you think she needs help making a bloody snack, honestly. You're absolutely enabling her shit behaviour.

A 17 y o doesn't need help to make a snack.
Would she take a turn cooking?
I have a tricky 14 y o, who would rather go hungry than cook, but at least he gets his own snacks.
Can you think of anything she might be persuaded to do with you while isolating?
It's tricky, and she is nearly an adult, so I think you need to treat her more like one.

Ignore her texts. Let her get what she wants, you're not a servant. She has no right to be rude to you just because she's a teenager and you're her mother.

Is this recent behaviour or has she always been like this? As PPs have said I think it is time you stopped pandering to her, you say she treats you like a slave but you are complicit in this. So if she wants a snack she gets off her backside and gets it. I will sometimes make DD a cuppa if she is studying in her room but she will sometimes make me one when I'm working at home. It's a two way street. I get stroppy teenagers wanting to spend time on their own but for her own good she needs to learn mutual respect and that the world does not revolve around her.

Why is your boyfriend coming? Shouldn’t he be self-isolating if he’s positive?

You have unwittingly created a monster

She’s seen how your ex treated you and has learnt how to manipulate and control you.

You haven’t stopped her. No teen runs our houses! Come on! You know this!

This is why I suggest how important it is to get kids away from abusive partners because they see how we’re treated and either grow to do the same or repeat our mistakes by choosing someone who isn’t a good partner

So foot down, DO leave her on her own on occasions, ‘welcome to the big wide world dd17’ and ‘no, I’m not waiting on you hand and foot, food is down here and you’re welcome to serve yourself or make yourself something’

You’re enabling this by wringing of hands and oh what to do, snap out of it, be assertive in your own life and stop taking crap from people!

I don’t think you should send the dp away either, you’re both Ill, better to have people nearby just in case.

I’m 40 and can’t think of anything worse than being cooped up with my step dad playing happily families for 10 days with no escape.

I agree with this. He’s a man she doesn’t appear to particularly like, who she’s forced to share her home with during a time when she’s unable to leave it. I think that’s a bit crap tbh. Your boyfriend has his own home and as much as you’d like him to be with you, I’m not convinced that right now, when everyone is already cooped up and getting cabin fever, is the right time for that. Yes, she’s being rude and belligerent, because she lacks agency in the whole scenario. Children and young people are pretty powerless and acting out is often the way they react to that.

Why do you wait on her?