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Original poster

Teenage daughter, partner and I all positive. Daughters attitude

68 replies

bringbackvinyl · 31/12/2021 11:07

The three of us are positive. We spent days together over last week.partner got positive test this morning, my daughter andyesterday evening. Partner doesn't live with us.
Teenage daughter is being so rude and disrespectful to me.she is browned off about missing her friends and social life. I get that. She has told me that she is sick of me and wants her space. I get that too. It has been claustrophobic over the holidays and we were looking forward to our space.
My partner is also positive and is going to isolate with us. We had planned to spend this weekend together.
My daughter refused to go to her Dads, spends the majority of her free time in her room and is now being really rude and disrespectful towards me.
I've just told her that my partner will also be isolating here and she is not happy.
She texts me when she wants something delivered to her room but other than that I'm told to keep away.
I'm sick of her treatment of me despite understanding why she is so off but is she being reasonable about my partner staying ?
She won't engage with me anyway, just here to serve her basically. She isn't actively sick so she just chats to her friends all day on line.
Is she being fair or am I being unfair ?

OP posts:
Original poster
bringbackvinyl · 31/12/2021 11:45

It was planned that we would spend these days together ever before this happened. She had her plans and knew he was coming and had no problem.
Now she does despite not wanting to even engage with me.
I wondered if I should disinvite him. To keep the peace.
He wouldnt be in anyway in her way.
I'm trying to make sense of all of this.

OP posts:
Aderyn21 · 31/12/2021 11:45

I think you need to talk to her and try to get to the root of this. Maybe she's feeling pushed out, as if you want your nice weekend with your boyfriend and her out of the way? Not saying you do, but maybe how she is perceiving it. Is she blaming him for bringing covid into the house and now she suffers the impact while you carry on having fun? Teenagers aren't always logical.
I definitely would stop waiting on her hand and foot and would challenge any rudeness. But at the same time I don't think it's right for your boyfriend to come over - this could be an opportunity to actually talk to her and find out what she's thinking

Nanny0gg · 31/12/2021 11:46

I don't understand why you pander to her demands. She wants something, she can fetch it.

I think she's understandably miserable at being cooped up but that shouldn't stop your partner coming over as she doesn't normally have a problem with him.

Original poster
bringbackvinyl · 31/12/2021 11:46

She isn't I'll.frustrated, moody and rude to me

OP posts:
OnwardsAndSideways1 · 31/12/2021 11:49

Huffing and puffing in her own room fine. Being rude to you out of her room, not fine. Texting demands for food/drink, not fine. I would be honest with her. Say I don't mind treating you nicely and getting you stuff occasionally, but only if I'm treated nicely in my own home by which I mean no eye rolling, huffing or rudeness to me. I don't like living here with you like that. You can carry on, but then 'nice mum' who is bringing you food/drinking or giving lifts just won't be feeling very nice and that's going to knock on to what I want to do.

I've found this approach works reasonably well with teens- not stopping anyone complaining or being rude about me in their rooms, but this is my home and I can't have people being plain nasty to me in it (the odd minor outburst say when due on I would excuse).

vodkaginwine · 31/12/2021 11:51

She’s being rude other than rightly refusing to go to her dads while positive, and not wanting your partner round. I’m 40 and can’t think of anything worse than being cooped up with my step dad playing happily families for 10 days with no escape. I also on the face of it for my mum get on well with him, but as an adult or back as a teenager I would be incredibly annoyed by it. Why can’t he isolate in his own house? He has no need to travel to yours with Covid to isolate. You’re adults. See each other in a week.

WorraLiberty · 31/12/2021 11:58

@Nanny0gg

I don't understand why you pander to her demands. She wants something, she can fetch it.

I think she's understandably miserable at being cooped up but that shouldn't stop your partner coming over as she doesn't normally have a problem with him.

I genuinely don't understand the pandering either.
ClemDanFango · 31/12/2021 12:05

I don’t tolerate rudeness full stop. My teens are entitled to their feelings but they are not entitled to take it out on anyone else. Using people as emotional punching bags is unacceptable regardless of the reason. Tell her she speaks with a civil tongue or not at all.

Original poster
bringbackvinyl · 31/12/2021 12:12

She didn't refuse to go to her dads while positive.she refused prior that that.

OP posts:
AuntieDolly · 31/12/2021 12:20

Can't you go to your boyfriends and give her the space she wants? And stop waiting on her! At 17 I wouldn't be relying on her for company, but don't tolerate the rudeness.

Lollypop701 · 31/12/2021 12:23

I’ve got a similar age teenager and no I wouldn’t accept her being so rude. She’s capable of getting food etc as she’s not I’ll. you are positive too so you’re as I’ll as she is. I would have partner round… she isn’t going to be any different whether he’s there or not. I’d try to make nice food for the 3 of you and include her, maybe some card games etc. but if she rolls her eyes I’d tell her to woman up, life isn’t fair you understand she wants to be out but the pandemic has screwed millions of peoples plans this year, it’s not specifically her. she can see her friends asap. Or stay in her room tonight and sulk. But sulking doesn’t change anything . The more you pander the worse I find the behaviour gets

greenlynx · 31/12/2021 12:23

I wonder if there is something particular she’s missing hence her upset. She shouldn’t be rude to you but I agree with @MolkosTeenageAngst that you having your BF with you looks unfair for her.

I would uninvite him, sorry, unless you don’t feel well and need him for practical help.
And being together with your DD might give you a chance to chat about what’s bothering her.

GoodnightGrandma · 31/12/2021 12:25

He’s your partner, not hers. She doesn’t to have to like him.
Maybe it’s time he went home and gave her some space in her own home.

layladomino · 31/12/2021 12:27

Stop pandering to her. Stop waiting on her. Stop delivering food to her room. She isn't ill, and she's 17. There is no reason on this earth for you to run around after her.

If your original plan was for your DP to stay at yours for this period, and she was going to go away but changed ger mind, then she is unreasonable to expect you to change your mind just because she has. That's really selfish and childish of her. A 17 year old is plenty old enough to understand that.

And now, presumably you're all 3 there, and you have covid, so none of you should be going anywhere else anyway.

It reads as though she is testing you, to see how far she can control you. She's is unhappy because she's got to isolate and is taking that out on those around her. Giving in to her unreasonable demands won't make her any happier.

Original poster
bringbackvinyl · 31/12/2021 12:32

I won't leave her on her own.
I've told her that you f she needs anything doing that she cannot do herself, she can call me. It's terribly upsetting to be spoken to like that. It's reminiscent scent of her dad.
I told her that I'd give her space and he can go home 🏠 f she feels that strongly but I won't tolerate the disrespect anymore.

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 31/12/2021 12:35

Is she bed bound? Because I don't understand why you would be delivering things to her room if she is able to walk. If it's a meal time and you've cooked something then she should be downstairs and eating it at the table, or at the very least coming down and collecting it.
If it's a snack, she can make her own.
What is this thing of her texting you when she wants something???
I've got 3 sons and if they texted me to bring them food I'd think they were joking. It would never, and has never happened in this house. Why are you going along with this nonsense?

andweallsingalong · 31/12/2021 13:01

Can the other kids stay at their dads whilst you isolate to minimise the risk of spreading it around?

You say the way she speaks to you is reminiscent of her dad and that she refused to see him. Was there dv within the home? Could she need counselling to help her process it and to deal with how he continues to treat her?

WorraLiberty · 31/12/2021 13:01

@bringbackvinyl

I won't leave her on her own. I've told her that you f she needs anything doing that she cannot do herself, she can call me. It's terribly upsetting to be spoken to like that. It's reminiscent scent of her dad. I told her that I'd give her space and he can go home 🏠 f she feels that strongly but I won't tolerate the disrespect anymore.
I've told her that you f she needs anything doing that she cannot do herself, she can call me.

Can you give an example?

Original poster
bringbackvinyl · 31/12/2021 13:08

@WorraLiberty getting a snack for example.

OP posts:
Original poster
bringbackvinyl · 31/12/2021 13:09

No dv but lots of expectation and disrespect. Was treated like a slave.

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 31/12/2021 13:09

[quote bringbackvinyl]@WorraLiberty getting a snack for example.[/quote]
Why can’t she get her own snacks if she is 17? Does she have additional needs/ a disability you haven’t mentioned?

Original poster
bringbackvinyl · 31/12/2021 13:10

Nondisabilites

OP posts:
VintageCookbook · 31/12/2021 13:12

Can't you go to your boyfriends and give her the space she wants?

Why should OP have to leave her own home to please a miserable teenager?

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 31/12/2021 13:13

@MolkosTeenageAngst

I can see why she’s annoyed. From her point of view she’s positive and can’t see anybody she wants to. You’re positive and get to have your boyfriend come and isolate with you. It also sends a message that you’d rather not isolate with her alone and that you need your partner there to make the isolation bearable. You’ve already tried to get her to go to her Dads and now that hasn’t worked you’re pushing her out by inviting your partner there to break up the isolation.
I think this sums up my feelings too. Even if she has it mildly she probably feels crap. It's only know after having covid ds tells us how shit it was.
Nanny0gg · 31/12/2021 13:25

@VintageCookbook

Can't you go to your boyfriends and give her the space she wants?

Why should OP have to leave her own home to please a miserable teenager?

And she probably doesn't really want to be totally on her own
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