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Original poster

Is he taking the Mick?

42 replies

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 30/12/2021 07:31

Partner took early - very early - retirement. I'm not old enough for that, have a very busy job that's not 9-5 and go to the gym most evenings. We don't live together. Things have drifted because he hasn't the money for anything. I've paid for everything, holidays, meals, transport. He makes no suggestions or arrangements. Not even a walk and a drink. As a result I've been focusing on my friends and myself for social life.

Challenged this and he says he's paid for so much over the years he's been working that he doesn't feel guilty about it. I feel used and furious. I also feel emotionally distant and foolish. He goes on about us not having sex but I don't want to have sex with someone like this.

Have tried to address it but nothing changes. We went out last night and he was cross because he said there was nothing he likes on the menu. I get the brunt of this. eventually he chose something but I'm sick of it all now.

Am I unreasonable or what?

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 30/12/2021 07:34

Why stay with him?

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 30/12/2021 08:05

Why would you stay with him, you sound totally incompatible? He expects you to pay for anything fun from now on? Sod that.

GoodnightGrandma · 30/12/2021 08:06

Dump him. He’s a freeloader.

HairyFanjoBanjo · 30/12/2021 08:19

How old are you both? You say he’s retired, does he have a proper pension and no debts then?

You sound fundamentally incompatible.

Nosnowthisyear · 30/12/2021 08:23

It sounds like neither of you want to be with the other.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 30/12/2021 08:23

Sounds like he's been doing some retirement planning Grin

Flickflak · 30/12/2021 08:26

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

ZenNudist · 30/12/2021 08:33

Leaving aside the thorny issue of money you don't enjoy each others company, you aren't having sex, you don't live together and you aren't married. You can make this very easy and break up. Tell him you love him as a friend but its reached a natural end. Don't mention money. Say you don't want to keep going as a couple and end up hating each other. Say let's split up whilst we can still be amicable. Say you love him but you aren't in love with him. Get rid and enjoy your life. Find someone who isn't a selfish user.

isthismylifenow · 30/12/2021 08:41

What was the reasoning for his early retirement? Surely that is only an option if you can live well enough on your savings unless it's due to ill health.

Defiantly41 · 30/12/2021 08:44

It's not retirement unless you have some unearned income, whether that's a pension, savings & investments or other passive income.

He's just stopped working. What was his plan to take him up to state pension age? Surely he had one (or is it you)?

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 30/12/2021 08:58

@Defiantly41

It's not retirement unless you have some unearned income, whether that's a pension, savings & investments or other passive income.

He's just stopped working. What was his plan to take him up to state pension age? Surely he had one (or is it you)?

He took voluntary redundancy and got a year's salary tax free plus he sold his father's house as he died. He's now old enough to claim teacher's pension but only 75% of it. He's mortgage free and so am I.
OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 30/12/2021 09:04

It sounds like the relationship has run its course.

I’d just end it. You both deserve happiness and your situations aren’t going to change anytime soon

dammit88 · 30/12/2021 09:39

How old is he? How long have you been together? I agree maybe you just don't work as a couple anymore.

BackBackBack · 30/12/2021 09:43

Congratulations on being his retirement plan.

If you aren't happy with the fact that you'll have to carry on funding him then I suggest you end the relationship.

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 30/12/2021 22:24

No, it ends here!

OP posts:
JovialNickname · 31/12/2021 18:00

How long have you been together?When he says he's paid so much over the years, have you been together a very long time and he's always been tge provider? If so I don't see what's wrong with him stepping back and allowing you to put your hand in your pocket for a change. If that's not the case though, he's an arse and you're well rid x

CouldThisReallyBe · 31/12/2021 18:03

Yes (in answer to your question).

Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 31/12/2021 18:13

How long have you been together?
I wouldn't class him as your partner to be honest you are barely dating.

Georgeskitchen · 31/12/2021 18:32

I think the end is nigh

Bananalanacake · 31/12/2021 18:56

Don't Iet him move in with you, but I don't think he will if he's mortgage free.

Dozer · 31/12/2021 19:05

Stop subsidising him!

When he did work, DID he actually pay for more than you did?

blisstwins · 01/01/2022 00:49

Then why is he so skinny? With no kids this sounds pretty good.

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 04/01/2022 23:16

@JovialNickname

How long have you been together?When he says he's paid so much over the years, have you been together a very long time and he's always been tge provider? If so I don't see what's wrong with him stepping back and allowing you to put your hand in your pocket for a change. If that's not the case though, he's an arse and you're well rid x
I've known him for a very long time, and have always "put my hand in my pocket" and paid my way. He has not been any sort of provider. I own my own place, and have always been independent. We paid half for all other holidays, though of course over the years I've paid for meals for birthdays for him and him for me. He's 10 years older. His recollections seem to 'vary' from mine. I've paid for every single holiday/mini break this year - accommodation, petrol, food, meals out, the lot, and it is stopping!

No chance of him moving in with me. Nobody will move in with me, not even Bradley Cooper.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 04/01/2022 23:42

Good to read you are putting a stop to being used.

Move on quickly OP.
Leave him to his retirement.

NinaDefoe · 04/01/2022 23:47

Move on OP. It doesn’t sound like you want to be with him. Concentrate on your life and your friends.