Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this being given the silent treatment?

48 replies

Googleboxfan · 29/12/2021 17:31

Wife has been in bed all day. I made her a cup of tea this morning and breakfast. Said she was fine.

She came downstairs before and said I was cooking tea. She said she was fine and helped herself to some Profiteroles in fridge then went back upstairs.

She is giving me one worded answers and she looks annoyed.

Think she is suffering from depression. I am worried but don't want to keep bothering her.

Is she giving me the silent treatment or am I being too sensitive?

OP posts:
MaryAndHerNet · 29/12/2021 17:33

It sounds like a trippy teenager to me.

MaryAndHerNet · 29/12/2021 17:34

*stroppy

KatherineJaneway · 29/12/2021 17:35

Could be. Have you disagreed at all, even over something you think is minor?

AgathaX · 29/12/2021 17:35

Some background would be helpful. Why do you think she's depressed, and for how long? Looks annoyed - how? Is this unusual behaviour for her? Do you have children? What might she be annoyed about?

girlmom21 · 29/12/2021 17:36

Is there a reason she might be giving you the silent treatment? What's she normally like?

Have you said "what's up babe, you seem quiet?"

MarmaladeCloud · 29/12/2021 17:37

Just tell her you're concerned about her. And ask if she's annoyed at you. Be patient but also persistent.

Original poster
Googleboxfan · 29/12/2021 17:42

We have a dd7. She slept over at her friends house the other night. Me and dw watched a movie and had a takeaway. Next morning watched TV together in bed. I went to shops to buy her some anti histamines as she has an allergy from washing powder I used.

I came back she went to bed. So I did house work and relaxed then went to pick up dd7 and stayed at friends for a few hours. Came back home around 530pm. She was still in bed but had some sad music on Alexa.

I asked if she was OK and she nodded. Stayed in bed.

I took dd7 to bed. Dd7 played up with me and dw was shouting instructions to me.

Anyway dd7 calmed down eventually and got her to sleep.

I sat downstairs around 1030pm dw came downstairs and looked moody. She's been having moody swings and is definitely suffering from depression. Her Dr said.

I asked if she wanted some Ibuprofen for the rash and pain and she just said leave me alone. I then went upstairs to bed.

She's stayed in bed all day today. I've tried talking but just getting one worded answers back. I hope she will be back to her normal self tomorrow.

It's like walking on eggshells all the time

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 29/12/2021 17:44

Yeah she's pissed at you

Queenoftrivialpersuit · 29/12/2021 17:46

Sounds like a really grim way to live.
Communication is the key. And if she can’t communicate why she either doesn’t want to talk to you, or feels depressed then yes it’s the diligent treatment.
Many people need quiet time on their own, all they need to do is say “dear loved one, I just need some quiet time, I’m not feeling 100%”
It’s not that hard!
So I’m not surprised you feel like you don’t know what to do or say
It’s shitty. Behaviour.

AgathaX · 29/12/2021 17:47

She's been having moody swings and is definitely suffering from depression. Her Dr said. - is she on anti-depressants? If she's feeling low enough to take to her bed and not communicate then she probably needs some medicinal support. Can you speak to her GP for advice? Is she speaking to anyone else at the moment - friends, relatives etc?

Queenoftrivialpersuit · 29/12/2021 17:47

Diligent meant to be silent!

Original poster
Googleboxfan · 29/12/2021 17:47

She didn't eat any of the breakfast I cooked her either

OP posts:
Original poster
Googleboxfan · 29/12/2021 17:49

Not on any medication. I've asked her and she won't take any.

She doesn't speak to family and friends. She's a very private person.

OP posts:
Aubree17 · 29/12/2021 17:50

I don't think she's pissed at you.

Is she ill? If not, it's not normal to stay in bed all day.

That along with everything else would suggest depression. Can you ask for some professional help? Maybe the GP or an internet search or perhaps someone on this forum can point you in the right direction.

Queenoftrivialpersuit · 29/12/2021 17:53

If she is depressed. It’s still not an excuse to treat others badly and make them feel constantly anxious and that they have to come on here to try and work out what’s going on.
That’s not on

AgathaX · 29/12/2021 17:56

If you go into the room and tell her you're worried about her and upset at her behaviour, how do you think she would react? Are you willing to do this?
She sounds withdrawn, it's not good that she won't communicate with anyone. Is she speaking to your child? Playing with her?

Original poster
Googleboxfan · 29/12/2021 17:56

We have had disagreements a few months ago and almost split up.

Just don't understand as all was fine the other day

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 29/12/2021 17:59

@Googleboxfan

We have had disagreements a few months ago and almost split up.

Just don't understand as all was fine the other day

And then she had an allergic reaction because of a washing powder you used and then you spent hours at DD's friends house.

I'm not saying you're in the wrong here but that'd be my guess at her issue.

doitwithlove · 29/12/2021 18:00

Could it be you stayed at your friends when picking up dd for a few hours has hacked her off?

Original poster
Googleboxfan · 29/12/2021 18:04

She's not played with dd7 at all today or yesterday evening. She's just been in bed.

Dd7 has been hitting us and showing aggressive behaviour. She hurt dw a fee days before Xmas. Last night dd7 kicked off with me. Dw locked herself in other bedroom shouting instructions to me. Even though I knew how to handle the situation.

Last night I told dw that dd7 has been told of yhe consequences and that she does not get her nintendo switch today. If she behaves today she will have it back tomorrow. Dw didn't comment.

We both have different ways of parenting

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 29/12/2021 18:05

So it also sounds like she's pissed at you undermining her parenting? I'm guessing she thinks your methods don't work.

Have you tried actually speaking to her?

Original poster
Googleboxfan · 29/12/2021 18:08

That's what I am wondering. She was in bed and went to collect daughter. Stayed at friends a couple of hours.

OP posts:
Original poster
Googleboxfan · 29/12/2021 18:09

@doitwithlove

Could it be you stayed at your friends when picking up dd for a few hours has hacked her off?
That's what I am wondering 🤔 but she was in bed asleep. I had nothing to do
OP posts:
Bunbunbunny · 29/12/2021 18:10

This sounds like my mother, yes it's the silent treatment and your DD will pick up on the atmosphere. I've been the DD in this situation and it's an awful environment to live in as you end up watching everything you say and second guessing yourself. You will never know what it was that upset her and if she does give a reason it will be something tiny you will not have noticed.

If she continues to repeat this pattern you need to call her out on it and tell her to at least get therapy or even go for couples therapy. The relationship will break down if there is no communication. As your daughter gets older she may do the same to her and it is soul destroying to be pushed away by your mother when you don't understand why. Your priority has to be your DD.

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/12/2021 18:11

"I went to shops to buy her some anti histamines as she has an allergy from washing powder I used."

Why did you use a washing powder that she is allergic to?