Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this being given the silent treatment?

48 replies

Googleboxfan · 29/12/2021 17:31

Wife has been in bed all day. I made her a cup of tea this morning and breakfast. Said she was fine.

She came downstairs before and said I was cooking tea. She said she was fine and helped herself to some Profiteroles in fridge then went back upstairs.

She is giving me one worded answers and she looks annoyed.

Think she is suffering from depression. I am worried but don't want to keep bothering her.

Is she giving me the silent treatment or am I being too sensitive?

OP posts:
AgathaX · 29/12/2021 18:11

I'm not surprised your 7 year old DD is playing up. She has a mother who is ignoring her, she is playing up (understandably) and then being punished for it. Your household sounds far from harmonious.
You need to speak to your wife tonight once DD is in bed. This situation can't go on. Your wife either needs to stop acting as she is doing and be a mother again, or if she is unable to because of depression then she needs to seek medical help, and quickly.
That poor child!

Queenoftrivialpersuit · 29/12/2021 18:12

Why are people on here wringing their hands trying to find excuses for shitty bordering on abusive behaviour.
It’s not on, if someone has a problem with something their partner has done then they need to communicate that. Silent treatment is abusive.

Bunbunbunny · 29/12/2021 18:13

@WhereYouLeftIt

"I went to shops to buy her some anti histamines as she has an allergy from washing powder I used."

Why did you use a washing powder that she is allergic to?

I'm wondering why it's even in the house, we only have daz as I know I'm not allergic to it so no chance of mistakes.
Queenoftrivialpersuit · 29/12/2021 18:14

My god. Really people are going to say it’s your fault cause of washing powder! FML
this place sometimes.

MichelleScarn · 29/12/2021 18:16

@Queenoftrivialpersuit

My god. Really people are going to say it’s your fault cause of washing powder! FML this place sometimes.
Oh and that he and the dd stayed for a bit at the dds friends house, how dare they!
Original poster
Googleboxfan · 29/12/2021 18:16

@WhereYouLeftIt

"I went to shops to buy her some anti histamines as she has an allergy from washing powder I used."

Why did you use a washing powder that she is allergic to?

I didn't know she was allergic to this washing powder.

She had rashes on her legs and was walking nimblely

OP posts:
Original poster
Googleboxfan · 29/12/2021 18:17

@AgathaX

I'm not surprised your 7 year old DD is playing up. She has a mother who is ignoring her, she is playing up (understandably) and then being punished for it. Your household sounds far from harmonious. You need to speak to your wife tonight once DD is in bed. This situation can't go on. Your wife either needs to stop acting as she is doing and be a mother again, or if she is unable to because of depression then she needs to seek medical help, and quickly. That poor child!
I am also female but yes.
OP posts:
Original poster
Googleboxfan · 29/12/2021 18:18

Is this classed as silent treatment if she is giving me one worded answers?

OP posts:
Queenoftrivialpersuit · 29/12/2021 18:19

Yes it is fucking silent treatment.
Though now people know you’re not a man I’m sure you’ll get very different answers!!!! Sadly.

KenAddams · 29/12/2021 18:21

@Queenoftrivialpersuit

My god. Really people are going to say it’s your fault cause of washing powder! FML this place sometimes.
I was just thinking surly op wouldn't have meant to use it knowing wife was allergic
MichelleScarn · 29/12/2021 18:22

Sorry @Googleboxfan with my "he-ing' of you! Blush

Silverchamber · 29/12/2021 18:28

I've been the wife in a similar situation. She sounds very depressed. Not an excuse for this behaviour but a reason at least.

What else is going on in your lives? Do you have a person of hers you cam confide in eg a friend or mother/sister?

You need to essentially spell out what support you will give her, or tell her you're out. Eg I will make you a GP appointment and come with you.

If she won't take medication or therapy this is no way for you to live. My husband was not supportive and it took him leaving me to sort my shit out for the sake of my kids. No choice to lie in bed when there's no one else there to watch them. Turns out I am far happier without him.

Dery · 29/12/2021 18:28

"I'm not surprised your 7 year old DD is playing up. She has a mother who is ignoring her, she is playing up (understandably) and then being punished for it. Your household sounds far from harmonious.
You need to speak to your wife tonight once DD is in bed. This situation can't go on. Your wife either needs to stop acting as she is doing and be a mother again, or if she is unable to because of depression then she needs to seek medical help, and quickly."

This.

gamerchick · 29/12/2021 18:30

OP, this has been going on for months. Your wife told you months ago she wants to seperate and you said you don't want to.

This relationship is dead and you have a troubled child in the middle of it. You need to think of the bairn.

girlmom21 · 29/12/2021 18:31

@Queenoftrivialpersuit

Yes it is fucking silent treatment. Though now people know you’re not a man I’m sure you’ll get very different answers!!!! Sadly.
I think you're one of the only people who hadn't worked out this was a woman posting.
Queenoftrivialpersuit · 29/12/2021 18:40

@girlmom21
I thought about it. And then I thought it was irrelevant

But I’ve seen a fuck tonne of threads about silent treatment and none with this type of response

girlmom21 · 29/12/2021 18:43

[quote Queenoftrivialpersuit]@girlmom21
I thought about it. And then I thought it was irrelevant

But I’ve seen a fuck tonne of threads about silent treatment and none with this type of response[/quote]
There are 2 people who questioned why OP did what she did as though it was her fault, and a couple who completely blamed the depression.
Everyone else has just suggested why her (awful - now I've done an AS) wife is being terrible.

Original poster
Googleboxfan · 29/12/2021 18:44

@MichelleScarn

Sorry *@Googleboxfan* with my "he-ing' of you! Blush
Ah...that's OK Grin
OP posts:
RaininSummer · 29/12/2021 18:51

She sounds selfish and childish. You aren't a mind reader. Assuming she is safe up there, I would ignore her back until she deigns to let you know what's wrong.

Zxcvbnm123456 · 29/12/2021 19:11

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/divorce_separation/4276229-Financial-Abuse-seperation-please-help

OP you have been massively misleading by not saying your wife told you 6 months ago she wants to separate. Assuming by your history nothing has improved she isn't talking to you because she doesn't want to and may be unwell too.

AgathaX · 29/12/2021 19:42

So this issue is far more long term that you have said in this thread.

What's keeping you here? Your relationship is over. You need to accept that and move on for both of your sakes, but especially for the child's sake. Growing up in a toxic household is awful. Get this sorted out.

Anordinarymum · 29/12/2021 21:50

Do you actually talk to each other OP?

Do you know silent treatment is passive aggressive and cruel?

Does she realise this will be affecting your child?

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/12/2021 18:00

@Queenoftrivialpersuit

My god. Really people are going to say it’s your fault cause of washing powder! FML this place sometimes.
Actually @Queenoftrivialpersuit, I asked the question - "Why did you use a washing powder that she is allergic to?" because the answer to that question could have provided a feel for this household. All I know about them is that this is a married couple with a daughter aged 7, so deduce together at least 8 years, probably in their mid thirties.

Consider the possible scenarios:

  1. Normal powder used, wife has never been allergic to it before. It's unusual to develop an allergy, but it happens. Although, new rash, would 'allergy' be your go-to explanation when the presumed-allergen is something used many times before? How much time spent eliminating other possibilities before the wife blamed OP?
  1. Different powder from normal, no reason to expect allergic reaction. New rash, new product used, rational to link as cause and effect. If OP had bought different powder than usual, whilst irrational to blame them for the rash it is human nature to do so, especially if you're already in a grump with that person. If wife had bought different powder, is she displacing her anger at herself onto the OP?
  1. Different powder from normal, wife has known sensitivities and sticks with known products for that reason. OP buys different product without considering this, wife is therefore blaming the OP's thoughtlessness for the rash.
  1. Different powder from normal, wife has known sensitivities and sticks with known products for that reason. OP buys different product because they are petty and it pleases them to think of wife's possible discomfort.
  1. Different powder from normal, one that wife has reacted badly to in the past. OP buys and uses it because they actively want to punish wife for her current behaviour.

There are of course other possibilities, these are the main ones that occurred to me when I read the OP's posts.

Can you see now why I asked the question? It was important enough to the OP to mention it, so they themselves are considering that it has had a part to play.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page