OP, you've said a few times that you don't care if people feel that's is an overreaction because it's your reaction. And absolutely, you don't have to justify your feelings.
But I think - in the gentlest possible way - it's worth pointing out that the majority of women think that even if was in bad taste, it's nothing more than an eye roll - given the fact that there have been no other instances of raging misogyny. It's a stereotypical joke - not an especially funny one, but just stupid and crass. It's rather surprising that a fairly mild vulgar joke would provoke such a vehement response.
You are entitled to feel how you feel. So, the reason why I mentioned that the majority response on here was that it's an overreaction is because it feels as if there's something else going on here.
My DP has occasionally made dickhead comments/jokes which he knows I don't find funny. It may irritate the hell out of me at the time but it wouldn't "switch off" my love. If it was constant, repeated and ongoing yes it absolutely would - but you've described a one off, fairly tame comment in quite dramatic and exaggerated terms.
You're clearly very affected by what's happened.
I guess I have two questions/points.
Firstly - is this the final straw that broke the camel's back? Has your relationship been slowly dying without you confronting the fact? Sometimes it's a seemingly small thing which finally spurs action, when really it's about everything that's gone before.
Secondly, I think I read that you're perimenopausal? So am I. And in the last few months I've noticed an annoying and horrible swing in my moods. My anxiety is off the scale for literally no reason whatsoever and I'm definitely noticing a drop in my "nurturing" inclinations. Is it possible that the perimenopause is causing some depression or anxiety? Would it be worth booking a GP appointment for a blood test. Feeling nothing is common with depression, as are episodes of anger.
I'm not saying you didn't have the right to be angry - but your reaction seems quite extreme. I wonder if the perimenopause is in the background and having an impact on how you are feeling in general, and making issues like this seem impossible to deal with or process?
I don't know you so maybe this reaction is your normal? But if it's not, it might be worth considering both of the above to try and find a reason why such a stupid, thoughtless joke which he's apologised for has caused such a violent reaction in you.
I hope you find some answers.