Shouting..

[Iwonder08]

My DH constantly shouts at our toddler. I tell him off every time, but the shouting continues. Until our little one became a toldder I've never ever heard my DH shouting. He never shouts at me, but with the toddler he constantly loses his temper.
He is very hands on, realistically we split everything to do with the little one 50/50 and it was always like that. Toddler has wahtight be called typical little tantrums, occasional stubbornness and misbehavior, but it is honestly not bad.
I know DH is sleep deprived as our son is going through a terrible sleep regression stage, been like that for the last 6 months.. Work is tough for both of us etc. I can understand the root cause of his short fuse, but this constant shouting worries me.
Our son adores his dad, my DH is amazing with him.. Apart from occasions when the shouting occurs. There is no physical violence of any kind.

I am fully aware I can leave the bastard, but I would like to try to fix things first if it is at all possible. It is literally the only problem and everything else is very good.
Any advice would be appreciated

Funny how he can control it when visitors are around isn't it? Horrible man. Hope he feels big shouting at a toddler. Pathetic.

@attilaThrMeerkat do you think that tired and stress mothers such as the lady with the twins who posted above should be removed too?
I understand the temptation to shout abuse and try to warn everyone about manipulative bastards, but it is not the only explanation in all the cases.
Thanks everyone for the books recommendations, I will check them all.

We had a similar issue in our house, and we have managed to sort it out. My husband's family shout a fair amount and are pretty rubbish at listening too (it has been passed down through a few generations). My husband dislikes this but unfortunately, suffering from depression last year he started to act like this too towards our then 3 year old. From what I understand, the way you were parented becomes your 'default parenting style'. I tried various things and it was really hard. You feel very trapped because if you just LTB they will still have the child go and stay with them for visits etc., and then you won't be there to mediate or moderate. I tried various things and it was couples counselling with a family therapist that finally made the difference. She could explain to him what his behaviour was doing from an objective view. He has made a real change to his behaviour, and basically it has saved our family. He is now off antidepressants now too, which I believe has increased his empathy levels. Things have been SO much better for 6 months now, and I am so relieved.

[quote Iwonder08]@attilaThrMeerkat do you think that tired and stress mothers such as the lady with the twins who posted above should be removed too?
I understand the temptation to shout abuse and try to warn everyone about manipulative bastards, but it is not the only explanation in all the cases.
Thanks everyone for the books recommendations, I will check them all.[/quote]
I think it's time to head to couples counselling. Is that something you think you could swing?

CBT, stress management and mindfulness would help him enormously if he's will to engage. They are all available onNHS if in UK. He's getting overwhelmed and feels he can't control the situation ( which he can't )
He needs to tech himself to recognise the warning signs that he's becoming overwhelmed so he can manage it before it gets too far. That along side relaxation techniques, talking about his feelings and body awareness should help him to feel less overwhelmed and more able to manage difficult feelings. Walking, exercise, meditation, hypnotherapy, yoga and emotional freedom technique are all helpful too.

Also Solihull parenting classes are very good

Your partner has a say if someone starts shouting at him right? He has a say to weather he will listen to it or not.

Women leave partners because they shout at them, they have that choice. Your toddler has no choice but to be subjected to this shouting.

What would you do if a stranger started shouting like that at your son? Would you be ok with they? How about the child minder? The babysitter? Your parent?

He needs to learn to cope differently or step back, ask him what he would do if a stranger started shouting at your toddler, what would he do?