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Original poster

First trip together!! HELP not to f..ck it up

28 replies

AstroGirl5 · 27/12/2021 14:29

Hi all - so we are on our first trip together after 1,5 month of dating. And I’m freaking out!!! I know I shouldn’t have expectations but my brain keeps painting the future with this guy I barely know. How do I stay grounded and just allow myself to gradually get to know him better before expecting anything else? Is it just me??!

OP posts:
Flyinggeese1234 · 27/12/2021 14:41

Do you mean a few nights away type thing?

UserError012345 · 27/12/2021 14:43

Be yourself? Unless you're a dick. Don't be you then.

Relax, enjoy yourself, remove expectations, go with the flow.

PoshPyjamas · 27/12/2021 14:43

I think it’s normal to let your imagination run away with you a little at the start of a relationship. So long as you don’t actually tell him any of this, and know yourself that you’re being a little delusional, then where’s the harm?

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 27/12/2021 15:01

Just make sure you get it straight in your own head that he isn't going to propose/make grand declarations. If you are waiting for that, you'll ruin the trip for yourself.

Original poster
AstroGirl5 · 28/12/2021 00:20

@PoshPyjamas

I think it’s normal to let your imagination run away with you a little at the start of a relationship. So long as you don’t actually tell him any of this, and know yourself that you’re being a little delusional, then where’s the harm?
Indeed. The thing is, he even told me that this trip is for us to understand if we really work as a couple, besides sexual attraction. So it’s all just a test. And it’s difficult for me to accept and to play along, tbh. Very difficult.
OP posts:
PanicPrevention · 28/12/2021 00:55

He's admitted to testing you?
I dont think I'd like that to be honest.
Obviously the start of any relationship is a bit of a test for both of you, but for him to actually say that? hmm.
And a weekend away is not really a test for a day to day relationship anyway, its a holiday.

SNUG2022 · 28/12/2021 01:15

I would make sure that you are testing him too then. It's not just you having to sell yourself to him.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/12/2021 01:21

Indeed. The thing is, he even told me that this trip is for us to understand if we really work as a couple, besides sexual attraction. So it’s all just a test. And it’s difficult for me to accept and to play along, tbh. Very difficult.

You've only been dating for about 6 weeks. You have to pass some bullshit "test" already? You were foolish to go away on this trip under these conditions. He's a dick. Raise your standards.

BasicDad · 28/12/2021 01:57

My initial thoughts on him saying it's a test is someone who is cumbersome with how they articulate their feelings.

There's saying things a bit nervously, and there's saying things with resolute certainty. I'd run a mile from the latter, but challenge the former.

Anordinarymum · 28/12/2021 03:15

He sounds like a right dick

Original poster
AstroGirl5 · 29/12/2021 17:12

@PanicPrevention

He's admitted to testing you? I dont think I'd like that to be honest. Obviously the start of any relationship is a bit of a test for both of you, but for him to actually say that? hmm. And a weekend away is not really a test for a day to day relationship anyway, its a holiday.
Well, we broke up. Today. It was going really great, actually, until the moment that he asked how I viewed staying friends if a relationship wouldn’t work out. That was a generic question, he said, but the conversation then turned into a much deeper conversation about us. And he said that he just wasn’t looking for a relationship. I mean, WTF. We’ve been dating for a month, he’s invited me on this trip - we both have kids and also have pets, so I had to arrange a lot of logistics to make it work. And after a day and a half here together, he tells me this. I can’t even begin to comprehend men at this point. The thing is, I actually told him that I wasn’t having any expectations at this point and it was too early - but that I was willing to give it a try and see what happens. But he didn’t say that he was even willing to do that. And it was so sudden … Anyway, I think I just have to accept I’ll be alone for the rest of my life…
OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 29/12/2021 17:14

You're away with him at the moment? Wow

Original poster
AstroGirl5 · 29/12/2021 19:40

@KatherineJaneway

You're away with him at the moment? Wow
He left. We were supposed to go back tomorrow morning together but he got a flight tonight and left. Awesome…
OP posts:
Angliski · 29/12/2021 19:42

What a prick!

Original poster
AstroGirl5 · 29/12/2021 19:43

@BasicDad

My initial thoughts on him saying it's a test is someone who is cumbersome with how they articulate their feelings.

There's saying things a bit nervously, and there's saying things with resolute certainty. I'd run a mile from the latter, but challenge the former.

This whole trip felt like a test. He’d always ask my opinion on everything, from the colour of his next car to the design of a kitchen etc. And he invited me to spend New Year’s Eve together - but when I asked who’s gonna be there etc, he said he’d introduce me as a friend. And then asked how I look at being friends if a relationship doesn’t work out. So yeah…
OP posts:
Suprima · 29/12/2021 20:04

@AstroGirl5

Hi all - so we are on our first trip together after 1,5 month of dating. And I’m freaking out!!! I know I shouldn’t have expectations but my brain keeps painting the future with this guy I barely know. How do I stay grounded and just allow myself to gradually get to know him better before expecting anything else? Is it just me??!
Why are you worried about you?

Your only concern should be about whether he impresses you, if he makes a good first impression.

You shouldn’t be so anxious about a man you have only known 6 weeks.

IamGusFring · 29/12/2021 20:08

All of this in 6 weeks ? Or is that 15 months or what ?

Original poster
AstroGirl5 · 29/12/2021 20:08

Yes, well - we broke up.

OP posts:
Clymene · 29/12/2021 20:15

What a douche

BasicDad · 29/12/2021 20:54

Hope you enjoyed some of the trip at least. Sounded like a massive control freak, so good riddance.

DukkaTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 29/12/2021 20:56

Dodged. A. Bullet.

Nosnowthisyear · 29/12/2021 21:00

So he dumped you on a weekend away and flew back on his own! Couldn’t he have at least done it when you got back. That’s quite unbelievable and I think you’re lucky it’s over now. What a weirdo.

ArchiePenrose · 29/12/2021 22:35

Good Lord! I'm so sorry you are in this situation but at least it's definitive and you know what size of bullet you have dodged here. There's something quite cleansing about being justifiably furious and having an outrageous story to tell.

33goingon64 · 29/12/2021 22:40

Honest question: do you think he's stressing out? Or do you think he's just looking forward to it? I suspect it's the latter, so don't put that pressure on yourself if he isn't.

Pollingbadly · 29/12/2021 22:43

What a jerk. This breaking up is the best thing by far.