"Good guy pledge" - could something like this actually work?

[MoonbeamsGlittering]

I've been thinking for a while that it might be good if society could have another movement like MeToo, this time with men stating that they will commit to being good guys who will always treat women with respect, never cheat, never lie to their partners, never try to intimidate women, and things like that. Maybe a list of a few pledges.

If lots of men pledged publicly to do this then maybe it would make slightly-dodgy men feel a push to treat women better, because they would see that lots of other men were committing to these things. I wouldn't expect it to change hardcore nasty men, but if it just led to some men improving their actions then that could be a good thing.

Has anyone else thought about this or even seen any attempt out there to start this kind of ball rolling? Could this be a good idea? Or is it a rubbish idea and I just haven't realised it?

Wouldn't you all need to figure out a mutually agreed list of definitions first.

I mean " I pledge not to cheat" is meaningless when one person's idea of cheating is talking to someone at the bus stop whilst the others is " well I didn't shag them"

It would all be very long winded and exhausting

Your idea is very similar to this charity

www.whiteribbon.org.uk

@Double3xposure I live with my wife and young kids. I WFH all the time. I don't use social media much. I use Facebook a bit - none of my Facebook friends seem to be misogynistic. I really haven't been coming across this in real life, but I can see from Mumsnet that there must be a lot of it out there.

@LiveintheNow Thank you - I'll have a look through that site. I did some internet searches for the kind of thing that I had in mind, but I didn't find this organisation.

The white ribbon pledge is kind of this idea, isn't it?
They will probably have some reports you could read on their website which might show what kind of an impact they had

Sorry it won't make any difference rotters would just sign it and then lie about their behaviour .

OP, there've been all kind of initiatives like this in the wake of metoo. Googling men's pledge + calling out should give you some of them. A few examples listed on here: www.google.com/amp/s/fortune.com/2017/10/17/howiwillchange-men-metoo/amp/.

Sadly I'm not sure how much has become of any of it. The one very specific initiative that has had definite consequences has been that of male academics pledging to refuse participation in "manels", i.e. all-male panels at conferences.

@SuperLoudPoppingAction @GrumpyPanda Thanks - I'll have a look. My own internet searching must have been a bit rubbish, like my idea! I wasn't really getting anywhere but I must have been using the wrong words.

Sorry it won't make any difference rotters would just sign it and then lie about their behaviour

Truth is men don't realky want other men to change.

Because the good men get to be good men without having to do anything remotely even good while the bad ones exist.

The bad ones are they way in for the " good ones"

They get to publically chastise and apologise for their bad friends behaviour
and get instantly put in the good camp.

If they were actually good they'd mot be hanging around with the arse grabbing slime balls in the first place.

If all men suddenly became " good men" then being a " good man" would require doing something other than just being a regular human being. Men don't want that work

Brilliant idea. And while we're at it, why not get everyone (men and women) to pledge they'll never commit any crimes? Or is it that imperfect humans will always exist?

@Whatwouldscullydo I'm a man and I really do want nasty men to change, because I would like everyone in the world to be happy and to be treated well. If all men were good men then I think that would be great. I wouldn't want my wife to be with me just because I'm "not that bad" or something - I want her to feel really happy with how I am, so I try to do what I can to be a good partner, not just the minimum.

I accept that some men may be more like you describe and I might just not realise it. I can see the point that you're making.

The Government are looking to find courses for men to learn how to be better men, to be more aware of how women feel, so that women feel less afraid on the streets. I don't know how far they have got along the road but I believe they are putting millions into it.

Fund, not find

Like someone else mentioned earlier , if men cared less they could be trying to get rid of violent degrading and non consensual porn
I think it’s naive to think men care enough to make changes that would create a more level playing field and take away their privledge

[quote MoonbeamsGlittering]@Whatwouldscullydo I'm a man and I really do want nasty men to change, because I would like everyone in the world to be happy and to be treated well. If all men were good men then I think that would be great. I wouldn't want my wife to be with me just because I'm "not that bad" or something - I want her to feel really happy with how I am, so I try to do what I can to be a good partner, not just the minimum.

I accept that some men may be more like you describe and I might just not realise it. I can see the point that you're making.[/quote]
It’s great that you are one that does want change moonbeams however one only has to look at the types of violence , sexual abuse harrasment and sexism etc to see that it’s not just a few men who don’t

I think a useful thing would be to look into the harm that porn does (and how much more extreme it has become) and consider working on campaigns against porn.

My ex considers himself a “good guy”. I know this because he tells me often about how nice he is and how lucky I am to have someone like him when I object to his kicking stuff around my house, calling me a cunt or making fun of my periods/menopause.

Sadly I don’t think we can rely on men’s self policing of whether or not they’re decent because apparently if they’re not actively shagging someone else or punching us in the face, some of them still consider that they’re doing a lovely job.

@ravenmum

I think this would be an opportunity for really, properly bad people to look good to the outside world, making their spouse feel even less likely to be believed.

Unfortunately I think this is what would happen. Talk is cheap, and unpleasant people are very good at conning people into thinking they are Good Guys, pledge or no pledge.

Thanks again everyone. Plenty for me to think about. I'm sorry that my initial idea was not a good one, but it has been helpful for me to get this feedback so that I can understand more about how things are out there, outside the bubble that I may possibly be living in.

Worth the thought experiment, though.

@ravenmum Thanks, I think. (I don't think you're being sarcastic, but I'm not sure.) In answer to your much earlier question: yes, I do have a boy and a girl. I will try my best to raise both of them to treat people well and to expect people to treat them well. Yes, I guess I don't need a cape if I'm not encountering sexism in my offline life. I would just like to try to do more somehow. I have been reading some things from links on this thread. Perhaps I overestimate my own ability to have an influence on society.

Yes, not being sarcastic.
If you want to have more influence on society, how about looking into volunteering locally? Help out at a local food bank, join a theatre group and put on plays, clean up the local riverbank, coach a sports team. That way you can set a positive example and will also come into contact with people more, so will be able to get into conversations and state your views. Not in a preachy or confrontative way; not even calling anyone out, if there is no-one to call out. Just openly treating women like respected equals.

@ravenmum Thanks - I'll give this some thought.

@MaryAndHerNet

If lots of men pledged publicly to do this then maybe it would make slightly-dodgy men feel a push to treat women better

No, it'd just make slightly dodgy men lie more to get what they want.

Massive generalising here:
Men will not ever change, they haven't over the last several thousand years, why would they? Everything is geared up to meet their needs, service their cocks, give them pleasure. Why would men change that?

I disagree. I think men in the UK have changed a huge amount in their views towards women in the last 100 let alone one thousand years. I mean I can't really see how you can think that all men now have the same views as men of 1021AD.

Does that mean that we have equality? No. Does it mean that how women and girls are treated by men and boys is good enough? No. But change is possible and change has occured, we should remember that and keep fighting for it.

@Eleganz

Men may have changed since 1021 and so have women . In general that’s because social norms change over time , but has mens general disregard for women and seeing them as second class things for their sexual use really changed ?
Look at the rapes murder and violent porn and you’ll see the answe I think
Sure the actual numbers may be less because the social control through laws are in place and men risk more by acting out but the underlying sentiment is still very much there .
Sure there are good men out there but I imagine there always were . There bad ones are simply more restricted . Instead of outwardly raping the woman I. The next village it tends to live itself out largely in a digital format for many men today