Help! 23 people for Christmas!

[Dannie]

I know it?s a bit early for an ?I?m depressed about Christmas? thread, but I?m getting really upset about this, and I need some advice.
DH has invited his entire family for four days over Christmas. This means up to 19 people descending on us. We do not live in a castle. If we want to offer beds to the registered disabled and nursing mothers, we shall have to sleep en famille in my office. They?re very bossy. I know it?s pointless picking a fight with in-laws, but it?s like having your home invaded by aliens, and realising they?re your children?s relatives.
Acceptances so far include dh?s brother and family, who heroically struggled down here 4 yrs ago despite their terrible flu. Ds, then six months old, was subsequently very ill indeed. Their youngest just started school and is only going three days a week because her behaviour is so bad. There?s nothing medically wrong with her, but she goes to bed very late and is given special meals of junk food while everyone else tucks into normal family meals. How do other people cope with bad behaviour from visiting cousins who are being raised very differently from their own kids? (I?m an averagely negligent mother). How do I rise serenely above this? How do you feed 23 people in a small dining room? Are any nice hotels doing child-friendly Christmas breaks ?

Hi Dannie - I can understand why you're feeling depressed. If DH has invited his entire family, perhaps the idea of dinner in a local hotel is what you should do. If your house is too small - then you can't reasonably be able to accommodate everyone. Alternatively, if he's keen - get him to do the cooking, cleaning, etc

If everyone's coming - then get them to help, afterall it's your house.

Not sure if this helps!

Poor you Dannie ... I couldn't imagine anything worse than a houseful of my DH's relatives - luckily they all hate eachother so there is little chance of it happening!!

Definitely go out for Christmas dinner - most hotels and pubs do have 'book now for Christmas' signs up by now don't they?

Also I agree with Deborahf ...make your DH do a lot of it!!

Hope you don't get too stressed over the next few weeks

But if we go out for christmas dinner, how will we acquire the leftovers that are vital to sustain everybody for the following three days ?

Dannie, I'd be in bed with exhaustion just trying to plan all of this without having to do it all too, poor you.
I would go for a pre-booked Xmas meal (most also do Boxing Day too so you could try a different place each day?). You will still have to worry about 23 breakfasts and dinners which is enough. I would seriously lay out loads of different cereals and bread by toasters and plates and tell everyone to help themselves in the mornings. Then for dinner why don't you think of something like a big, big, big (!), roast of beef which you can all eat warm served with salad. I'm thinking of a Nigella recipe which you basically cook the meat, ie bung in the oven for an hour or so (I put a sage and mustard crust on which is lovely) and then do a pea, mint, avocado and endive salad which is very easy and very yummy, everyone just helps themselves. She also does a lovely warm shoulder of lamb shredded with pommegranets (sp?!) (in season now and I think will be at Xmas??), again bung in the oven for hours and forget about it. I would let everyone know what the plans are and say you also have plenty of sausages and baked beans to feed those kids who wouldn't like these meals and that your husband will be doing this separately an hour before grown-ups sit down to eat. It would be lovely to all sit together but how the hell are you going to sit 23 together, I think some kind of shift thing will have to be done.
I hope you have a large fridge, a dishwasher and plenty of booze to get you through it, good luck!

Didn't he ask you, Dannie, before inviting 19 people round? Has he not considered your feelings in the matter at all? I think this would be an issue for divorce in my house (if we were married that is). Seriously, what on earth is the man thinking? I know it sounds a bit simplistic as a solution but can't you just say NO BLOODY WAY, I will not have all these people in the house at the same time at Xmas or, indeed, ever?

Otherwise I have no suggestions. Let them in and you'll have to lump it with bad behaviour of bil, bil's kids, all other relatives etc, not to mention driving yourself to exhaustion, madness and financial penury providing food, drink, accomodation and entertainment for too many people. If you don't want to do that- and I can't see why anyone would- then tell dh to get stuffed.

cor Dannie, don't think I could rise serenely above this either. It sounds like a recipe for disaster. Agree, get DH to tell them he made a mistake and has suddenly realised that you do not, in fact, live in a castle. Agree with the suggestion that you all meet at a hotel or restaurant if you do all want to be together at some point. Then you have no cooking and you can ignore devilish children if it's only for a few hours. And sod the leftovers, you'll have a fridge full of not leftovers if they don't all come!

Definitely make the parents of the junk food eating toddler buy and serve the food. It's not your responsibility if she wont eat what everyone else does.
Might help to lay down some ground rules, since there will be so many people coming. Like 'kids to bed by xxx time' - we did this when my brother came with his horrible (nice now, awful then) toddler who stayed up till all hours - I told him we couldn't have one kid staying up and interfering with my children going to bed, cos it wasnt fair. Small nephew went in the bath with my dd and to bed at the same time for 6 days, and has kept it up since he went home. But then, I am the 'big sister' and my bro's still do what I tell them, and, more significantly, it was MY brother, not my BIL.
Your dh has to take a lot of the responsibility for this on his own shoulders, as it is his family and he invited them
All the best!

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Dannie, I'm having kittens myself at the very thought of this. Echoing Sobernow's message about others pitching in financially, if ever we've spent Christmas at relations we would always offer some money towards the cost of food/drink; or if they didn't want to accept money then we would offer to bring some booze or perhaps prepare some of the food - eg. desserts.
As others have suggested, caterers or eating out is the simplest option, but pricey, so I wouldn't have any qualms about asking for a contribution.

OH MY GOD - is your hubby MAD!!! Mine comes from a large family too and they have finally accepted the fact that they cannot invade somebody else's house every festive season so now they book some activity centre or other for the couple of days between Christmas and New Year. I agree with the others, you should definitely book a hotel/pub meal and forget the rest - you are a person and not a machine! Good luck.

I had a brief fantasy in the shower this morning about treating it as a humanitarian disaster and issuing everyone with a piece of plastic sheeting, a bucket and a sack of rice and leaving them to get on with it. Then I remembered I'd have to dig pit latrines (please don't all post telling me how heartless I am, I'm currently writing a report for UNHCR). I am SO GRATEFUL for your sympathy, I really want my kids to grow up seeing lots of their family, just maybe not all at once!!

we booked parents in law plus brother in local hotel so they only came to eat at ours. that way didn't have to worry about beds/enough hot water /towels etc. How about borrowing some caravans/portacabins?? seriously I think you need to tell dh you can't cope ..one buffet meal ok but not for 4 days..just think of the number of toilet rolls you'll need, let alone the number of oven chips to get in the oven.

CP - yes, he's completely mad. I think he's trying to recreate some kind of childhood idyll and has forgotten the key point that when he was a kid, all the relatives lived close, so they were crammed into the house for a party, then they WENT HOME. They DID NOT stay for four days. Everyone will pitch in, it's just that it'll be a huge logistical operation and about as relaxing and festive as the D-day landings.
I've done Christmas with the in-laws and I've been shot at by teenaged Liberian militiamen. The thing with the militiamen is that you can run away, find a nice bar, and order a cold beer. And the weather's better.
Also, they're Jewish. SO WHAT'S THE BIG THING WITH CHRISTMAS ANYWAY?

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Dannie it might be fun
delegate delegate delegate
ask everyone to bring a frozen meal ie lasagne quiche/ turkey gravy
If any neighbours are going away for christmas borrow their house
borrow a fridge/freezer
Have bucks fizz for breakfast
put jewish MIL in charge of everything
ask kids to bring sleeping bags

We regularly have guests to stay, usually for a max. of 3 days, and usually max. 2 people. By the end of the visit, I am nearly always miffed about the lack of help (as soon as meal over guest says "I'll just go and get ready/dry my hair/ hide in my room so you have to do all the clearing away, despite the fact that you cooked the meal, and I didn't have the good manners to wait for you to be seated before I tucked in"

Last Christmas we had 4 people stay, which meant 8 in total, and it was really hard work. Even if they were angels it still takes a certain amount of time in the bathroom, so it took forever to get ready in the morning. I just can't see how it will be possible for 23 people to manage, in all seriousness. Even if they took 10 minutes each in the bathroom - and lets face it, most will take longer, aand then there's the changeover time - you're looking at 4 hours jusat to get ready in the morning, another 4 at night - that's most of the day gone. Maybe you need to sit dh down with a calculator and point out the logistical impossibilities. Or go and visit your family over Christmas and leave mad man to it.

I really really sympathise with you. Hope it works out.

no idea where wink came from - tried loads of times to do it for real, now he pops up like magic!

btw, do they all know the other is invited? I mean they may be expecting an intimate 8 people over Christmas, and they may all be horrified by the number.

I'm not joking. I would not be there, for the few days either side. Imagine all the arguments??

Oh my God - is your dh mad? The most I have dealt with is 16 over three days one Christmas (dd was 2 weeks old). I had two sittings for Christmas Dinner - kids first at around 1 pm - basically a big Christmas Party Dinner - put food onto serving plates in the centre of the table (traditional Christmas stuff plus a few extras like smiley face potatoes for the more fussy) - and let the parents sort them out. Everything was put into the dishwasher and we then sorted out our meal - childless. It may be worth trying to borrow a couple of folding tables and chairs from a local village hall or church - at least this way everyone will have somewhere to sit.
Could you not get hubby to draw up a rota for things like bathrooms and washing up. I am sure that some people would be prepared to shower in the evening rather than everyone in the mornings.
It may also be worth suggesting that each family take responsibility for at least one main meal.
All I can say is good luck!!!

we don't even have enough chairs/places to perch to cope with that lot

ROFL Dannie!! Particularly the bit about the Liberians! As for having a house of 19 dh's relatives x 4 days and nights, frankly I couldn't do it. I could just about manage my dh's relatives in large quantities for one day/meal. Sorry I am not being no help whatsoever but like Scummymummy, I would have to "Just Say No"!

what about splitting the visits, so each family ONLY stays for a couple of days and not everyone all in one go

Wouldn't it be wonderful if you suddenly WON a free Christmas holiday somewhere warm and unfortunately had to withdraw the invitation ?
I'm not joking - this calls for VERY drastic measures and I for one would not be above such a lie ! If necessary lie to dh as well - you can come clean when he sees the credit card bill !

Seriously Dannie - you cannot do this, you just cannot !!

LOL, Scatterbrain. The most practical and useful suggestion so far! Go for it, Dannie!

Bl%dy nora, Dannie, I couldn't even begin to think about coping!! Maybe you should do what my elderly widowed neighbour did. Her children's families descended on her every year "To make it easier for you, Mum." until she finally cracked up at the thought and instead booked herself onto a Christmas cruise, leaving the family to stew in their own juice. She had a fantastic time and now goes off somewhere exotic every year.