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Original poster

Weird text from ex

51 replies

RedCandyApple · 25/12/2021 23:10

I’m not in contact with my ex, we have children but he doesn’t bother with them. I’ve always felt he was more interested in me than them, as we are not in a relationship he doesn’t bother with them and only seemed to want to see them if he could see me, when he couldn’t he wouldn’t see them. Anyway today he text me saying “merry Christmas to you and the kids, I love you lots” am I being paranoid or is this a weird thing to send an ex? Especially one you don’t have any contact with and don’t bother with your children, am I reading too much into it? Family always use to make out It was in my head that he’s more interested in me so no it doesn’t matter because he’s an ex but it would be nice to know if it’s weird or not.

OP posts:

Original poster

RedCandyApple · 26/12/2021 20:51

Thank you, was starting to feel on my own thinking it was weird!

OP posts:

user1481840227 · 26/12/2021 20:53

@RedCandyApple

No I don’t want him to mean it, we’ve been split a long time, I think he does stuff like this to wind me up, but it seems it’s normal and no one would bat an eye lid at an ex sending this so 🤷‍♀️

It is coming across like you want us to say that he must love you.

You're twisting peoples responses.

No one bats an eyelid because asshole men always do shit like this and it means precisely nothing.

Original poster

RedCandyApple · 26/12/2021 20:56

No I think it’s interesting that people say I have feelings for him because I’m asking if the text is weird, but he doesn’t have feelings even though he’s texting me on Xmas day saying I love you lots, I never message him ever, I don’t bat an eye lid at his usual texts but they don’t say “I love you lots”

OP posts:

user1481840227 · 26/12/2021 21:01

The reason people think you have feelings is because the general response to a low life like him would be to think "idiot" when you saw the message, but you're on here questioning it and not accepting peoples responses.

SunshineCake1 · 26/12/2021 21:02

You're only reading too much into it if you want it to be you he's saying love you lots too. If you had no feelings I think you'd read nothing into it, you'd just ignore.

Original poster

RedCandyApple · 26/12/2021 21:03

I have accepted people’s responses, I’ve said I don’t think he loves me, but posters keep insisting I have feelings for him and that it isn’t weird, I’ve said ok it isn’t weird then.

OP posts:

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/12/2021 21:10

@RedCandyApple

I have accepted people’s responses, I’ve said I don’t think he loves me, but posters keep insisting I have feelings for him and that it isn’t weird, I’ve said ok it isn’t weird then.

Eh? People haven't said it isn't 'weird' as such. They've said it's not unusual - as he sounds like a dickhead, so it's not unusual for a dickhead to do dickish things. You're acting as if people have said it's a sensible and kind text message, which isn't what has been said at all. It's a text message that is totally in keeping with a dickhead ex. It's not something most people would dwell on more than that as it's so mundanely in keeping with the kind of bloke he is!

user1481840227 · 26/12/2021 21:11

You haven't, you keep saying stuff like seems like i'm alone in thinking it's weird.....seems like it's normal and no one else would bat an eyelid...

Of course logically it is weird for people who abandon their kids and their childrens mother to text randomly saying they love them because it clearly isn't true or they would be in their childrens life and wouldn't have left all of the parenting load to the mother.

But in real life we all know that people don't behave logically and do all sorts of shitty assholey stuff all the time, send weird messages that clearly aren't true, try to get into peoples heads and so on.

So for that reason it's not weird because we all know that idiots always do stuff like that.

Surely you have seen things like this happen before and know that idiots do things like that? I'm not sure how you could not have as unfortunately there are millions of absolute idiots out there!

People don't question idiots behaviour as much because it's 'normal' and not 'weird' for them to behave that way.

I know a couple of men who have tattoos of their kids names and write stuff on social media occasionally about how their kids are their world and how everything they do is for them....even though they don't see their kids or contribute to their upbringing, pay maintenance or help the mother in any way. Those men are not rare or unusual, everyone knows deadbeats who don't see their kids but pretend that they love them.

So that's why your posts are coming across like you want to think there's something real in his messages to you. Surely you should just be seeing him as one of those deadbeats idiots. What he says doesn't match up to his actions.

user1481840227 · 26/12/2021 21:17

@youvegottenminuteslynn
Perfectly put. I couldn't find the words to explain properly how the OP wasn't listening and was twisting stuff!

Outlyingtrout · 26/12/2021 21:20

I think people keep commenting about you still having feelings for him because it’s a strange thread to have started. In your shoes, I’d probably be either raging that he’s got the fucking nerve to text a cheery little “happy Christmas” message to the precious children he has abandoned, or I’d just feel nothing and have no opinion whatsoever. Delete and forget. Your OP does come across a bit like a teenager trying to decipher a text message from a potential love interest and obsessing over what it means, whilst loudly protesting about how much you totally don’t care.

It’s not weird that he sent the message. He’s an arse. He’s just doing what people like that do. He sent the message because he’s a prick and (probably) because he thinks you might shag him.

Original poster

RedCandyApple · 26/12/2021 21:59

He messages me all the time, I never respond, and I don’t post threads about the messages, he messaged me on my birthday, i posted because this message said “love you lots” my annoyance has come because he could never separate me and the kids, he saw us as a package , and this message to me proves that, but like I said sounds like I was wrong.

OP posts:

Original poster

RedCandyApple · 26/12/2021 22:05

He messages me frequently I don’t respond, I was only asking as this messaged was different from the rest, can’t imagine sending this to an ex but I was wrong.

OP posts:

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/12/2021 22:06

I'm not sure if you're not taking the time to read the responses properly? I don't mean that rudely, it's just you don't seem to be getting what people are saying. Yes, he very obviously sees you as a package (ie if he isn't 'with' you as a couple, he can't be arsed with the kids) which is why he is a dickhead and therefore why him behaving like a dickhead (sending the message he did) is completely unsurprising. It's a weird message conceptually, but it's not 'weird' as such as it's in keeping with the behaviour of a dickhead. They tend to do things that would be considered 'weird' if a normal person did them, but are in character for them.

SunshineCake1 · 26/12/2021 22:07

Wow.

Aphrodite31 · 26/12/2021 22:59

@RedCandyApple

Sending an ex I love you lots? Maybe I am over thinking it, it’s not something I would ever send 😕

He was drunk sentimental horny and hoping you'd respond xx

Aphrodite31 · 26/12/2021 23:01

It's not weird.

He loves you. That's all.

user1481840227 · 27/12/2021 00:52

@RedCandyApple

Why does it matter if he sees you as a package or not though? You know he has no interest at all in the kids. You said he doesn't bother with them at all. So it makes no difference at all.

It would only be relevant if you were together as a couple and you were questioning how he felt about the kids.

UserBot99 · 27/12/2021 01:13

If my x sent me that, id be afraid he was about to go on a michael douglas in Falling Down rampage.
He also hated me more than he loved the kids. Never hear from him now thanfully.

I think "was that meant for somebody else?" Is a good respinse. Spells out that this "gushing" is just out of character and uncomfortable.

lonelydad2021 · 27/12/2021 01:21

You sound too interested in talking about it. Are you sure you are over him?

Original poster

RedCandyApple · 27/12/2021 01:24

Yes we’ve been broken up for 4 years. I don’t think I’m the one not over it, like I said I never text him at all but people can keep insisting it’s the other way round 😕

Thanks for understanding UserBot99 It’s more that it’s out of character than the fact he texted me.

OP posts:

thekissoflife · 27/12/2021 01:48

I think you need to clarify 'weird' in order for you to better understand the responses to your thread.

Do you mean any of these:

a) 'Would this text make you think he really has feelings for me?'

b) 'Would this text make you concerned that he's about to harm himself?'

c) 'Does this text sound manipulative to you?'

d) 'Would this text make you feel unsettled and confused about your feelings?'

You need to say exactly what you find weird about it because it's not clear.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 27/12/2021 01:51

Fuckboy looking to fuck.
That is all.

Momijin · 27/12/2021 02:00

OP he clearly doesn't love you as he isn't with you so what does it matter why he's sent the text? Noone herr knows him therefore you're the best placed to know the reasons behind that text.

But I wouldn't reply.

Aphrodite31 · 27/12/2021 08:44

@GiantHaystacks2021

Fuckboy looking to fuck. That is all.

Yep

Madge55 · 27/12/2021 12:29

I think you've taken the right tack. Don't respond, even sending a message 'was that meant for me could start a conversation you wouldn't like to get into. I would have loved my ex to be pining for me, I would have taken ensure in rubbing his nose in it from a distance. I didn't want him but he lied cheated and lied and cheated again. Even if you don't love/want him back/ or anything like that ....its a bit satisfying to know he is suffering ...just a lite bit. Most on here who say they wouldn't take some pleasure in seeing an ex who made their life a misery suffer just a bit is not being entirely honest.

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