Stop me texting...

[EthicalNom]

Got dumped by relatively new boyfriend on 22nd. I was overly needy, he's a bit crap at emotional connection and basically ran away. I don't think I still want him and I also know the only way to both get over him and (should this faint chance happen) get him to reactivate again - is complete no contact. But... BWAHHHHHHH. I have to keep reminding myself that if I contact him it will make him feel as awful as I feel not contacting him.

You know that as soon as you press send, you'll regret it. You feel bad enough without adding regret to the mix. 💐

Delete his number and move on with your life. I'm sorry he dumped you, but texting him would be totally inappropriate. He ended it so leave him alone.

I'm in the same boat, it's really tough but worth it. Hang in there.

Block his number. Block his e-mail address. Block him on social media.

Block block and block.

You will regret it the instant you send it.

Go and have a bath. Or go outside for a walk. Do something to take your mind off him.

Play it forward OP. Imagine you've sent the text. How would you feel?

oh I'd feel amazing because he would instantly say "Hi! So glad you texted, I've been really missing you and over the last three days have completely cured my attachment disorder!!" Hmmm

Step away from the phone OP! It’s a really bad idea to text him. At worst you will hear nothing and feel rubbish. At best you will get a luke-warm ‘happy Christmas’ reply and feel rubbish. Far better to leave it alone : but you do have my sympathies as I have been there far too many times for my own good.

@EthicalNom

Got dumped by relatively new boyfriend on 22nd. I was overly needy, he's a bit crap at emotional connection and basically ran away. I don't think I still want him and I also know the only way to both get over him and (should this faint chance happen) get him to reactivate again - is complete no contact. But... BWAHHHHHHH. I have to keep reminding myself that if I contact him it will make him feel as awful as I feel not contacting him.

He dumped you. He doesn’t like you as much as you like him.

Delude yourself all you want about him not being good at ‘emotional connections’- he didn’t phase himself out because he liked you too much. That’s just nonsense.

It’s Christmas Day. Please don’t lower yourself to chasing someone who does not. Want. To. Be. With. You.

Have a drink and do something nice instead

@EthicalNom

oh I'd feel amazing because he would instantly say "Hi! So glad you texted, I've been really missing you and over the last three days have completely cured my attachment disorder!!" Hmmm

I mean in an infinite universe a room of monkeys will eventually write Macbeth.

But not today.

I'd be better off dating a roomful of monkeys, certainly.

He won’t feel awful if you contact him, he won’t feel anything. But you might end up feeling daft and wishing you hadn’t. Switch your phone off and it it out of reach, you will be glad you didn’t contact him tomorrow.

Don’t do it. He ended it with you. Respect that and leave him alone.

He might reply with a lukewarm “Happy Christmas” but he probably won’t. Either way, you’ll feel worse than you do now

i'm in the same boat. i had my phone switched off all afternoon while my family was here.
i felt sick turning it on knowing that if he hasn't texted i'd be gutted
he hasn't and i feel sick
i really want to text him but i couldn't stand it if he ignored me
i hate feeling like this

Honestly, delete his number. Don’t block as you can easily unblock and access his number. He won’t be texting you and so remove all temptation.

Silence is dignity

Op I've been there it's a never ending cycle with them . Its draining and confusing I just blocked and deleted felt bad for all of five minutes, then the relief of never dealing with that shit again. Trust me it's worth it. Just block .

Delete his number
Delete all instances of his number , be tough
Write some notes on your phone as to why you shouldn’t text him xxxx
And don’t text !!!!

Big hugs to you op and everyone else going through this.

The only way I know is to delete the number and busy yourself with something anything else.

But it sucks. I know it sucks. But you WILL look back and think he wasn't worth your time

If you contact him you'll make him feel irritated and uncomfortable. Sorry, but there it is. Don't do it to yourself.

Agree with this ^

I convinced myself not to text even a cursory “hope you’re having a nice Christmas” after 9 years together, as I thought it would be an intrusion on his day and potentially cause him to feel uncomfortable.

I clearly don’t value myself enough to think about MY feelings in all this, so I revert to my default position and think about his feelings. He’d be annoyed that I’d inserted myself into his day, then smug that I’d “caved” and was clearly missing him, then confused about whether this meant that I wanted to get back with him or not. I figured it was kinder all round just to not .

Hope you’re doing ok and staying strong

Thanks everyone. I'm not going to text him and haven't done.
Agree it's clear that he's made his choice and I do respect that.
In my defence, it was all a bit marginal, it's not just "he's not into you" and me refusing to believe it. He said he was keen but has genuinely got trauma related attachment stuff going on, properly diagnosed etc so he blows hot and cold and is massively aware of it & sorry about it. If I'd been less full on about needing reassuring, he'd have felt safer. But the real point is that I did, in fact, need reassuring and he didn't have it in him to do it, so I need someone better placed to do that.

Sorry to hear that @BobCatBob. I'm coming to the conclusion that it's almost impossible to shore up your own security enough to give these kind of men the safe space they need to show love, especially as they chip away at you.