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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner deprives me of sleep

58 replies

again2020 · 24/12/2021 11:39

I've done a Mumsnet search for this and found a couple of previous posters say they partner did this as part of emotional abuse.
When partner is drinking, which is nearly everyday at the moment, he will keep me awake by playing loud music and will order a late night takeaway for which the doorbell will ring, and he'll be noisy, singing loudly and pestering me. I can't relax.
I try to sleep in a different room to him but he'll follow me round. He's done this to various extents for years. I've tried talking, shouting, everything he doesn't listen. God knows what the neighbours think.
Last night I didn't get to sleep until after 2am and Google alarms went off at 7 (I don't know how to turn them off) and my DD was up soon after. He sleeps until late in the morning.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm exhausted. It's making me wish Christmas was over and I was back to work.
I can't leave due to complex situations or go anywhere. Although I am thinking about my options.

OP posts:
TheWeeDonkey · 24/12/2021 15:49

@RampantIvy

If my daughter had reached out to me because her partner was treating her the way your partner treats you, I would have supported her. Why on earth do your parents think it is OK for you to put up with this abuse?
It sounds like tgis is a cycle of abuse. Most parents would not want their child or grandchildren to be living in this situation because its not safe and it's not normal.

Larry Nassar, Bill Cosby, Jimmy Saville. They all appeared to be wonderful guys too. Manipulative abusers often do, its a part of the abuse. You know the truth.

Break the cycle of abuse put you and your daughter first and reach out for help to leave. I wish you the best OP you deserve to be happy. 💐

EarthSight · 24/12/2021 16:19

You're not being dramatic. Deliberately depriving someone of sleep or deliberately disrupting it is a sadistic torture. It can severely affect your mood, outlook on life, work productivity (which could cowt you your job) and disrupts your cardiac rhythm.

Your partner is an adult health hazard and by not cooperating he's holding you hostage in this situation, trapping you in a miserable situation likely to affect your health.

Your parents are unempathic and I don't blame you for disliking them for their lack of support.

EarthSight · 24/12/2021 16:19

Cost you*

EarthSight · 24/12/2021 16:21

Also, I feel sorry for your neighbours. They can probably hear the loud music unless you live in a terraced house.

Chloemol · 24/12/2021 16:52

You can leave if you wish, and what your partner wants is irrelevant. You are just looking for excuses not to leave

He is no example for your daughter, personally i would go round the house and poor all the drink away. He would get a list of jobs to do, and he certainly wouldn’t be sleeping late, I would be going in and waking him up

Get some legal advice, and leave

FestiveFruitloop · 26/12/2021 12:25

OP how are things now? Hope you're OK.

CherryDocsInYrBalls · 26/12/2021 18:41

You have got some terrible advice on this thread. You are not safe. You need to get actual help from the police in removing him from the house. Get him arrested and removed and worry about everything else later. You can do this

layladomino · 26/12/2021 18:44

Why do you care more about what other people think than your own and your DD's lives?

Look after you both. Any decent parents would support you 100%.

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