Partner deprives me of sleep

[again2020]

I've done a Mumsnet search for this and found a couple of previous posters say they partner did this as part of emotional abuse.
When partner is drinking, which is nearly everyday at the moment, he will keep me awake by playing loud music and will order a late night takeaway for which the doorbell will ring, and he'll be noisy, singing loudly and pestering me. I can't relax.
I try to sleep in a different room to him but he'll follow me round. He's done this to various extents for years. I've tried talking, shouting, everything he doesn't listen. God knows what the neighbours think.
Last night I didn't get to sleep until after 2am and Google alarms went off at 7 (I don't know how to turn them off) and my DD was up soon after. He sleeps until late in the morning.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm exhausted. It's making me wish Christmas was over and I was back to work.
I can't leave due to complex situations or go anywhere. Although I am thinking about my options.

I've read a few of your old threads OP.

You know you need to leave.

Please reach out to someone beyond MN and start figuring out your position and your options, such as women's aid. You sound like an extremely intelligent woman, you've just been browbeaten by this arsehole which makes you afraid. I bet once you start looking into things your confidence will grow that the sky won't fall in if you leave, and that you will ultimately thrive without him.

You can't live your life like this. You don't get the years back. Show your DD that this isn't a healthy relationship and what women do when they are in unhealthy relationships is leave. Otherwise you'll just be repeating for her the lesson your mum gave you

You can absolutely, 100% do this.

I had an ex like this. His other favourite trick was to come to bed quietly, wait til I was just drifting off into a blessed sleep... Then suddenly sexually assault me.

I got out with the support of friends. Womens aid will help you. The only people who matter here are you and your dd. He doesn't get a vote, and neither do your parents.

@again2020

I'm also concerned my parents will be very angry. But tbh they are more concerned about money than my situation and I'm starting to dislike them for it.

That's awful. Your parents are actively persuading you to stay in an abusive relationship because of money?

If you say hey Google turn off alarm it should do it.Im so sorry you're going through this

You need to prioritise yourself and the children. You can and should leave.

You really need to get legal advice and then LTB.
Rights of Women has a free family law helpline and useful information on their website.
Your local Citizens Advice should have a list of local solicitors and maybe law clinics offering free or low cost initial consultation.
There is also a wealth of information and advice here www.advicenow.org.uk/divorce-and-separation

If he is abusive - and it sounds as if he is - it would be wise to contact your local Women's Aid and/or the national domestic abuse helpline, and talk to your GP about the situation. Firstly so you can get professional advice and secondly so there's a record in case you need it in future.

Due to Christmas closures you'll have to wait a bit but try to keep your head down in the meantime. If you can't go and stay with anyone that is.

Sorry your parents are not particularly helpful

To cancel the Google alarms just say
"OK Google, Cancel all alarms"
It should then confirm what it's cancelled.

It does not matter what he thinks about staying in the relationship if you don't want to.
I assume the house is in both names - see a solicitor they can sort that.
You will both ruin your daughters life if you stay with your abuser!

@again2020

I'm also concerned my parents will be very angry. But tbh they are more concerned about money than my situation and I'm starting to dislike them for it.

Your parents are right in saying you shouldn’t leave the house with him in it. They’re trying to protect your only asset. You stay put - he should be the one to leave.

You need an occupation order. For that you will need proof of ongoing abuse, for which you will need to set up a paper trail.

Start with your GP - detail his alcohol use and emotional abuse, particularly the sleep deprivation. Request counselling to deal with it. That will get you started.

I've had a quick look at your previous threads. It all makes for depressing reading. Please please please get advice and support and LTB. He is most definitely abusive.

Do you have any supportive friends?

He behaves like a teenager. Get shot of him

and I'll ruin DD's life if I leave him

And you will ruin it even more if you stay.
Please take the excellent advice on thi thread and try and leave this relationship. Who owns the house? Can you kick him out?

So you cannot take a decision on your life, as an adult, becomes your partner says he doesn’t want to split up?

I know this question is harsh but I left a bully like this, divorcing my ex was the best thing I could ever have done and my kids are so grateful.

One day you will just snap. Over something trivial and that will be the day where you will also say enough.

Get him out your house, phone women's aid and a locksmith as soon as he's left and change the locks.

But before you do, I would be stopping his lie ins. Google how to change the alarms and set them for every 10 minutes, go into the room with your lo and say they're missing their daddy, spill something on the covers so they have to go to be washed. He wants to be a prick? Be petty right back.

We aren't married, deposit not protected... unfortunately it was a gift and it is a lot. I think the house might be slightly more mine and both names are on it.
As a PP said, my parents do want to protect that asset. If they were on my side I'd leave next week. They are really set against it. In fact, everyone wants us to stay together. MIL wants me to stay with him as she is worried about not seeing DD, our mutual friends think he's amazing and don't know any of the real story.

Yes I have posted a lot on MN lately and it is depressing reading. Really unhappy. I've been with this man 9 years now. I got pregnant by suprise. Leaving when you have children seems so much harder.

@user290814356289
I have thought of doing that but I'm scared he'd burn the house down/slash my tyres or hurt me. He's a very angry man, no exaggeration.

our mutual friends think he's amazing and don't know any of the real story

I think you need to reach out to your kindest friend.

Can you buy him out?
He sounds horrific. Most abusers hide their behaviour from others. They’re manipulative.

Everytime you get up at 7 bang two dustbin lids together next to him for 15 minutes then go back and do it again and again until he gets the idea.
In fact I'd invest in a massive gong and take it up as a hobby.

I'm scared he'd burn the house down/slash my tyres or hurt me. He's a very angry man, no exaggeration.

Please, please please call women's aid. Abusers can ramp up over Christmas unfortunately and you need to talk through what's going on with people like women's aid to keep you and your child safe in the short term, while you plan to leave ASAP. Which you really must do. Your daughter is living in an abusive home with a man who her mum is afraid of because he is emotionally abusive and has the potential to be physically abusive. You cannot stay 'for her' because it's not in her best interests to grow up in an abusive home.

As PP said, please also confide in a friend. And your GP. As well as women's aid.

Forget your parents for now and focus on your daughter.

i should think your daughters sleep is suffering too no matter what the problems leave

Next episode of abuse text the online police line. Or lock you and dd in the bathroom and ring 999. Get it in file. And get him removed. Build a case against him and see a solicitor.. Don't worry a out your dps. Or suggest they pay your solicitor fee to get the house sold and their money back.

I would leave, but my parents have warned me not to leave their deposit money tied up in the house with him still there.

You need some decent legal advice. He is abusive and I’m sure it is possible to leave and protect your house as your asset.

Women’s Aid or the Citizens Advice Bureau might be good places to start.

Good luck

If my daughter had reached out to me because her partner was treating her the way your partner treats you, I would have supported her. Why on earth do your parents think it is OK for you to put up with this abuse?

He is abusive and so are your parents.

If my daughter came to me with what you have said she would be out of that house with my grandchild and the money would be a secondary consideration when you are both safely away from him.

You can check the ownership percentages via the Land registry website - a slight faff as has to register an account but then you can get the details for £3.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Everytime you get up at 7 bang two dustbin lids together next to him for 15 minutes then go back and do it again and again until he gets the idea. In fact I'd invest in a massive gong and take it up as a hobby.

The OP is being abused and is potentially at risk of serious harm, so this is not the time for flippancy.

I hope things improve for you soon OP but that will only happen when you're able to get away. Don't be afraid to involve the police if it comes to that.