I need to leave him - but it’s Xmas ;(

[XmasNoFuture]

Partner of nearly two years, both in our 30s, no kids. We split time between one another’s houses but he’s away a lot with work so practically LDR.

I’ve realised this week that this relationship has no future. :( but it’s 3 days before Xmas and frankly I don’t know how to act right now with gifts under the tree and vague commitments to go see his family on Xmas day (PCR dependent).

This time of year is horrible for me as I’m sure it must be for others. I lost several family members around this time several years back and I’m struggling with a different trip I had booked on Boxing Day being cancelled and my money withheld. I was looking forward to having a little reprieve but bf isn’t happy to go and pay for PCR tests etc. 1st world problems I know.

There’s been a pattern of bf not really appreciating my things and taking the pi55. After several serious chats he has made changes, but this weekend has brought me back to square 1. We went to a wedding (some 60 miles away). He was rushing me along so said he’d pack up my car. He forgot to ensure my case and the gift for the couple was actually in the car - he left both items next to the car claiming he didn’t have the keys and assumed I would check. This meant he had to drive back to retrieve them. Our weekend together = sh*t on. Btw his stuff arrived safely! The gift for the couple was all but wrecked. I was/am so so upset. He is desperately trying to make amends (gift buying, being overly attentive) but I can’t stand the sight of him right now and this is part of a wider pattern of him being inconsiderate. Eg. Booking stuff when I’ve said I hate a particular activity; leaving messes in my flat etc. Obviously he has some great points but I’ve realised I don’t have the bandwidth to deal with these eff ups forever more.

I’m also at a really low ebb so don’t know what to do for the best, especially this close to Xmas. I asked him to leave me be last night which he did and he wants us to go to lunch tomorrow. Then my dad is expecting us over for tea - arggggh. Doesn’t help that he has struck up this bond with my parents and will often stop by to see them when I’m at work. I just feel stuck, obligated and mean. Pls help me see things clearly.

If you decide to leave now, focus on creating a lovely relaxing and healing-focused Christmas and New Years for yourself. Get your favourite books, food, take a bubble bath, watch your favourite shows. Buy yourself a really nice Christmas present. Give yourself all the love you deserve and that a decent partner would have been giving you. Wishing you the best.

[quote XmasNoFuture]@ScottChegg yes, this would be a fair assessment. It doesn’t help that the general consensus is ‘oh! That’s not too bad’ or ‘everyone makes mistakes’ etc etc.[/quote]
General consensus where?

I think on this thread the broader theme was that he annoys you and you don't seem to like him so end the relationship.

He doesn't need to be demonised for you to end the relationship. It can simply be that He does X which annoys me and I don't want to be with him.

You would get torn to shreds on here if you were a man who said that his girlfriend did some stupid thoughtless things sometimes, then described the latest one and said that now you couldn't stand the sight of her.

Personally I’d dump his ass now and give myself the gift of freedom from his bullshit.

@user1481840227 what difference does it make what reaction a man would get to detailing a similar predicament? I don’t know why you feel the need to point that out on this thread. I can’t change my gender!

I mean that it’s easy to look at those daft incidents in isolation and to think ‘that could happen to anyone’ or to write it off as a funny anecdote to a relationship. That’s where I doubt myself and wonder about my standards/whether I’m being too harsh.

But it actually feels painful over time - death by a thousand cuts - and you’re right, I can’t sustain being annoyed so much. The issue then is stating true to my values and not being awful to someone given the time of year it is and how upsetting this is anyway to break up with someone. The advice on here has given me lots of food for thought about bow to approach it. I won’t be opening his gifts for starters.

Just rip the plaster off.

I love the expression 'I don't have the bandwidth to deal with this'

Also I finished with my partner recently because I didn't want him to spend loads of money on me when I knew the relationship was toast

I have wondered about the pallyness with my parents
"I've kissed your mother twice and now I'm working on your dad"

Hi op how’s it going are you okay now?

@missusblusky1 thanks for checking in. It took a lot of detangling. He argued with my reasons, wanted to talk it through, thought I wasn’t working hard enough at the relationship or being honest about my reasons for calling it a day. It was exhausting to be honest, but a lot of immature behaviour since made me realise it was the right move.