How do you get your partner to chase you again?

[mshasquestions]

Hi all!
I was wondering whether any of you have tips on how to get your partner to be sweet and appreciative again. Although my feelings and actions haven't changed, he used to give me more love and attention than he does now.
How do you get your partner to chase you again?
PS: The relationship is long distance so that adds a layer of difficulty to everything...

End it.

If they can't be arsed, you shouldn't need to play games to make them bother.

This reminds me of that wedding scene in Staff Lets Flats where Katia is getting Staff to chase her through the wedding reception

You need to just have a chat like grown ups. Tell him you're not feeling appreciated lately and see what he says. If he accepts he's not treating you respectfully, he may be willing to change. If not, you need to decide whether it's something you can put up with (and it might get worse if you accept things now).

Make yourself busy, find things to do and ignore them. Usually works, and if it doesn't you'll be too busy to give a shit.

As PP said, make yourself busy. Be less available

You need to figure out whether the “chasing” was the honeymoon phase, and it’s now in a more settled stage which is normal and more sustainable; or whether he’s stopped putting the effort in.

Some people love the thrill of the chase and don’t enjoy the more settled stage…. For various reasons, from not being ready to settle down or not having found the right person all the way to self esteem issues or confidence problems that flare up when that initial chase behaviour stood.

Or he could have stopped putting as much effort in; which is a different problem.

There are temporary solutions to both - make it more exciting again, make it seem risky by withdrawing your time or attention, do something surprising. But they are temporary - they won’t fix a long term problem.

Without specific examples, it’s hard to know what this is likely to be. Sometimes it might just be a compatibility thing - like people who text all the time in the early days but one of them can’t or doesn't want to keep that going once the relationship is more settled or established. Sometimes compromise might be possible; sometimes it’ll be an incompatibility.

What are you a fox and he a bound?

Think you need to grow up/

*hound

Being very very pleasant when you are in touch, but also being less in touch generally and being unpredictable. If you usually speak or text at a certain time then make it an hour or so later. Be online and take a while to respond. Read why men love bitches, it works.

All that said, it’s a lot of hassle and effort. If he doesn’t appreciate you without games, better to leave in my experience. Easier said than done, I know.

I'd stop giving him so much attention without anything in return, see if he cares? If he doesn't then maybe he's checking out

Good to talk too, so he knows your aware however it's actions over words, most men aren't going to say it's because they've gone off you, you have a feeling if there're into you or not, don't cling on and waste your time if you're not getting what you need from him.

Yuk. My DH never had to chase me. Nor me him. We entered into a relationship as mutually intelligent interested partners.

Probably the 'chasing' phase was him on his best behaviour and now he feels relaxed enough to revert to his true character. Dump him: you're wasting precious time that you could be spending with a man who loves & values you consistently.

Why would an established partner chase you or need to chase you. Childish.

You shouldn't want your partner to chase you. Relationships aren't a game. Since you're long distance you should be building a firm foundation not trying to create a chase.

Also, as a PP said, relationships have different phases. The honeymoon phase doesn't last forever and you shouldn't expect or want it to because as a relationship moves into other phases, it should become deeper. You should feel more connected. Not like two people 'chasing' each other.

I think I know what OP means by 'chase'. Just put in effort like in the early days perhaps when he was still trying to win her over.

I did once hear a quote which probably sums it up. 'The way to love a woman is to treat her as though you are still trying to win her'.

In other words, don't get complacent and start taking things for granted.
Relationships do change though and I'd say everyone is guilty of getting a bit complacent once familiarity sets in. Perhaps he just needs reminding a bit that complacency is ok for a while, but not if he wants to keep the relationship alive.
And yes, be less available. He might buck his ideas up a bit then if he thinks he may be losing you or you're losing interest.

If he doesn't, theres your answer.

Win the lottery

Most men would like that.

Don’t play games. He deserves better.

He deserves better. No, OP deserves better. He's lowballing her by the sounds of it. Typical man who gets complacent and then starts treating his girlfriend like part of the furniture.

@squashyhat

Yuk. My DH never had to chase me. Nor me him. We entered into a relationship as mutually intelligent interested partners.

Same. I never wanted nor needed to be chased and the idea is kind of gross. Are women really just passive objects playing coy while it's the man's role to woo them? To all the posters wanting to be "chased" - have you ever "chased" a man and if not why not?

The bit after the honeymoon phase, when both of you drop all your facades and are comfortable with each other as you ACTUALLY are, when you don't feel you have to be perfectly made up and dressed up and impressing each other all the time - that's the BEST BIT. That's the goal. That's the point of being in a relationship!

It sounds like he is treating you in a "less than" manner? Like an afterthought? Taking you for granted?

Dump. Move on. You are wasting your time.

Stop playing games and communicate with your partner.

Do yourself a favour and end it. What you see is what you get.

Chasing?

I suppose you could tap him on the shoulder and say 'You're It!' and run across the playground, but with the over 10s, chasing really isn't something to encourage or expect.

If he's being shit, dump him and wait to meet somebody else. Of you're being shit and expecting him to follow you around desperate for a crumb of attention, dump him and wait for therapy before you enter into another relationship because that's a) manipulative and abusive and b) makes you a glowing target for a lovebombing abuser.

Turn back time. Failing that, just talk. You should both be eager enough as your relationship is long distance, I don't see why you need the extra chasing.

Failing that, just talk. Personally, I wouldn't bother. Once you're at the stage of pleading for a crumb of attention, it's over. Men know when their behaviour's subpar, they just don't give a shit. Keep your dignity.

Just bloody talk to him. Tell him you want more attention. Although you say your actions haven't change he may feel differently.

It's no wonder so many relationships fail when people insist of playing games when it comes to shit like this instead of actually making the time to communicate about their issues.