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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Oh wont spend time with my family is it weird or am i weird expecting him to come?

42 replies

Onemoreworkday · 20/12/2021 17:17

Whos in the wrong here?
Oh of 18 years
We been invited to my family’s house Christmas eve for food drinks & presents kids too…
Oh expects me to go alone with kids
He thinks im weird for expecting him to go when its my family
I say hes weird for not coming as its what normal couples do?
My family have asked what he drinks so they want him there, but he says they dont want me there and i dont want to go because i know they dont want me to go and i dont want to spend time with them as theyre not my family

OP posts:

Successgirl2022 · 20/12/2021 21:24

and disrespectful

alwaysmovingforwards · 20/12/2021 21:27

In a relationship everyone should have scope to decide how to spend their precious free time.
People saying it’s / he’s weird for not going.. are weird. If that’s your expectation of a partner, fine - but it’s not for all.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 20/12/2021 22:14

My sister's ex was like this, funerals as well. She said she felt like she was single! That's why he's an ex

TheOldRazzleDazzle · 20/12/2021 22:35

@alwaysmovingforwards

In a relationship everyone should have scope to decide how to spend their precious free time. People saying it’s / he’s weird for not going.. are weird. If that’s your expectation of a partner, fine - but it’s not for all.

I don’t think it’s weird. I think it’s symptomatic of how many people have no familiarity with putting themselves out for someone else. See funerals above.

Nanny0gg · 20/12/2021 22:41

@alwaysmovingforwards

In a relationship everyone should have scope to decide how to spend their precious free time. People saying it’s / he’s weird for not going.. are weird. If that’s your expectation of a partner, fine - but it’s not for all.

I don't know anyone whose partner isn't included in their wider family.

Nanny0gg · 20/12/2021 22:42

OP - does it upset you? Does he know this?

Do you have mutual friends?

Kegbot · 20/12/2021 22:51

For some reason he gets the impression they don’t want him there, so there must be something. Maybe you’re not even aware of something that may have happened?
It’s unusual but from what you say there seems to be some sort of reason as to why he thinks they don’t want him around.
If it’ll cause any issues, just say he’s not feeling very well. No good forcing it.

wishymore · 21/12/2021 00:42

My husband is like this and I’ll be honest, I wish I’d picked a different life partner. My mother had a rare big birthday party and he wouldn’t come. It was sad and embarrassing for me. I feel like I’m divorced but without the benefits of being divorced. I’d love to have a true life partner who took an interest in my family. It’s a shit life to be honest living like this.

SarahBellam · 21/12/2021 04:56

I think that’s very selfish and disrespectful to you and your family. He won’t change now of course - he’s got a sweet deal. You do all the childcare and leave him free for the afternoon to do gaming or scratching his arse or whatever.

Original poster

Onemoreworkday · 21/12/2021 05:03

Thanks everyone
Yes it does upset me
As pp said- i feel like im single mum always just me & kids visiting
No we don’t have mutual friends
Ive only one close friend really and he doesn’t have any friends

OP posts:

Cascascascas · 21/12/2021 05:16

@Onemoreworkday

He is being selfish
Period
He should go

Dancingsmile · 21/12/2021 06:12

Of course partners go to family things together. The only person I know whose H won't go to their family events is because hes a miserable grump.

YourenutsmiLord · 21/12/2021 06:21

Will he really be happy going on his own to his DPs? Which is the obvious result of his stand off.

You've been kind and gone to his parents - he's being selfish - you be selfish too see how he likes it.

MimiDaisy11 · 21/12/2021 06:35

Im an introvert so understand the effort needed for events like these. When I start seeing a new partner I put off meeting family for as long as possible but established couples really should make the effort. It makes you look antisocial and is just rude.

Lockdowninfinity · 21/12/2021 06:36

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

123ZYX · 21/12/2021 06:40

Does your DH get tho opportunity for time on his own in your house? My DH only sees my in laws for "occasions" rather than just calling in, and doesn't tend to take DS out anywhere else on his own. DH more than happy to look after DS whenever I want to go somewhere or do things with DS while I have a lie in or do something in the house, but I sometimes miss just having the house to myself. I'm tempted to miss the in law visits to get time on my own in my house.

ZenNudist · 21/12/2021 06:50

He's weird, and nasty.

My family member has partners like this. Married to one guy who used to come but then sit in the kitchen and ignored us. Did actually tolerate us for her sake. Divorced him. New fella of several years won't meet us. Strange.

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