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Original poster

Oh wont spend time with my family is it weird or am i weird expecting him to come?

42 replies

Onemoreworkday · 20/12/2021 17:17

Whos in the wrong here?
Oh of 18 years
We been invited to my family’s house Christmas eve for food drinks & presents kids too…
Oh expects me to go alone with kids
He thinks im weird for expecting him to go when its my family
I say hes weird for not coming as its what normal couples do?
My family have asked what he drinks so they want him there, but he says they dont want me there and i dont want to go because i know they dont want me to go and i dont want to spend time with them as theyre not my family

OP posts:
Didimum · 20/12/2021 17:21

Do they want him there? Is there any history of bad feeling between them? If not then he sounds like a miserable scrooge who is also putting blame on your family for making him feel unwanted when in fact it's him simply not wanting to go. Would have more respect for him if he just said 'nah, not my thing' (even though that's also not very considerate of you either). YOU are his family, so the fact that they are not is kind of a moot point.

Bananalanacake · 20/12/2021 17:25

What's he done for the past 18 years at get togethers, or is this the first time.

superram · 20/12/2021 17:33

He’s a weirdo.

WouldBeGood · 20/12/2021 17:35

He’s weird, unless there’s backstory

rainbowandglitter · 20/12/2021 17:37

If they're asking what he drinks then I assume he's not spent any time with them in the 18 years you've been together. That's strange.

sunnyzweibrucken · 20/12/2021 17:39

Definitely bizarre. But my ex was like this. He just didn't like to socialize with many people, unless they were his friends/family.

lastqueenofscotland · 20/12/2021 17:55

Just to swing the other way here, is it a huge group thing and is he usually happy to do smaller groups. My DPs dads family I find REALLY hard work, I’ll suck up lunch with his DF and step mum but flat out refuse to go to the huge parties/get togethers his aunt throws. I find them rude and overbearing and they all justify each other’s really shitty behaviour and I don’t want to spend my free time with them.

Original poster
Onemoreworkday · 20/12/2021 17:56

I’ve mostly gone alone to be fair but my sister is in her new home recently so get togethers are more often now than in the past

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 20/12/2021 17:58

So is there a back story? Why does he think they don’t want him there?

coodawoodashooda · 20/12/2021 18:00

Unless there is an uncomfortable backstory he is weird.

Coronawireless · 20/12/2021 18:03

He’s the make version of me. I only go to these things because of the DC. After the 18 years is up I’ll consider my work done.

Coronawireless · 20/12/2021 18:03

The male version

Takemine · 20/12/2021 18:03

What have they done to make him feel unwelcome? Or is he being disingenuous?

TheOldRazzleDazzle · 20/12/2021 18:05

I think spending time with your OH’s family from time to time even if it’s not particularly fun or riveting is part of being a decent partner. Leaving aside truly horrible relatives obviously.

So on the face of it rather selfish, although I agree with lastqueen’s point that it does depend on the wider context.

girlmom21 · 20/12/2021 18:09

After 18 years if he doesn't feel part of your family somethings gone very wrong somewhere

user87653848 · 20/12/2021 18:10

I would expect OH to join me and children. We would go as a family as it's just very rude for him not to go!
Has he ever fallen out with your side of the family or can he just not be bothered ?

SleepingStandingUp · 20/12/2021 18:12

Surely there's a back story here unless you mean 18 months together.
Has he always refused? Why do you think things will suddenly change now?
But yes, a partner who refused to blend families would be a big issue for me. What happens when they visit?

Rover83 · 20/12/2021 18:15

My husband feels like this. He doesn't enjoy spending time with people outside of his friends. I think at first my family were a bit hurt by the fact that he never went over, they don't really understand it but have accepted how he feels. I'm taking the kids to my mums on Christmas day I suspect he will stay home and play on his PlayStation or sleep

thelegohooverer · 20/12/2021 18:20

I think that spending time with each other’s family is part and parcel of being in a relationship - it’s ok to bow out occasionally but sometimes you have to suck it up.

And I say that as an introvert who suffers through social events.

Luredbyapomegranate · 20/12/2021 18:31

Normally your partner would go. But I guess if he hasn’t for 18 years he sees no reason to start..?

Is there a backstory?!

oviraptor21 · 20/12/2021 18:31

This is weird.
I'm assuming as you don't mention them that he doesn't go to his family.

Shoxfordian · 20/12/2021 18:45

Why don’t they know what he drinks after 18 years?! I’m assuming he’s never gone with you so I don’t know why you thought he might start

Original poster
Onemoreworkday · 20/12/2021 18:49

No theres no back story hes never much came along but as i say events & get together are more often now as my sis has moved into her own home..
he just doesn’t want to go
I do go to his parents
Theyre the only family he has

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 20/12/2021 21:14

18 years together and they don’t know what he drinks? What’s the story here, OP? It is bizarre that he doesn’t go, but my DH is similar, he just won’t go to my family. He finds it overwhelming and can’t get a word in edgeways so has stopped going after 20 years). He comes from a small quiet family, I come from a huge noisy lot.

Successgirl2022 · 20/12/2021 21:24

My husband meets my Mum when she visits or we visit her.

For me it's rude.