Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Hurt and Angry with DH

29 replies

dragonstitcher · 19/12/2007 22:06

DH has been cold and distant with me for the last few days, to the point of nastiness. He has been normal with everyone else. I haven't had a clue what I have supposed to have done wrong until now.

He has just accused me of being unfaithful because I have cold sores out of the blue. He says that the only way I could have caught the virus is through kissing. I haven't kissed anyone.

I feel like the bottom has just fallen out of my world. I wouldn't ever even dream of being unfaithful. I'm the most loyal person I know. I can't believe he doesn't know me at all.

OP posts:
camillathechicken · 19/12/2007 22:07

i think he is getting confused with genital herpes!

poor you , how hideous to be accused of being unfaithful for getting a cold sore

camillathechicken · 19/12/2007 22:07

i think he is getting confused with genital herpes!

poor you , how hideous to be accused of being unfaithful for getting a cold sore

Sandies · 19/12/2007 22:09

Perhaps you need to ask him about his loyalty?

Santasmissyontheside · 19/12/2007 22:09

does he not trust you?

aPartridgeInapAeroTree · 19/12/2007 22:14

Erm, I suffer from coldsores! They are horrible and to be sympathised with! I've had them since I was a child, the virus which causes them is easily transferred. I get them when I'm run down.

I am paranoid with not spreading the virus to my dc when I have one and don't kiss them etc and wash my hands more and keep my towels etc to myself!!

Think your dh is confused about which is which in the herpes virus dept!

moondog · 19/12/2007 22:16

How dreaful.
He is acting like a lunatic.

coldtits · 19/12/2007 22:19

Idiot, You can catch them from sharing a bloody lipgloss. I caught them from a mate when I was 14 - I only had a couple, and am evidently not susceptable. You have obviously picked them up somewhere.

I'd be questioning his fidelity, actually.

Sandies · 19/12/2007 22:23

Classic stmptoms of guilt, I agree Coldtits.

TinyTimLivesinVictorianSqualor · 19/12/2007 22:26

Eejit. Had he only been funny since the cold sores or do you think that was something that made him think it in the first place?

I'd ask him why he thought they were catching, sometimes supposed 'friends' are the cause of this kind of outburst. I know friends who have been wound up by other peopel so much they feel like they're being made to look a fool (they are but by their so-called friends, not their partner) and then come out with some seemingly out-of-the-blue accusation.

discoverlife · 19/12/2007 22:27

Actually I have caught a cold sore from a mug, I had quickly grabbed a mug off the works sink gave it a very quick rinse and drank some water out of it. Not realising it had just 10 seconds before been drunk out of by the girl with a cold sore.

nosnikrap · 19/12/2007 22:29

i get coldsores on my nose, do you think I have been rubbing noses with someone? Ha you could have got the virus 20 yrs ago and it only just surfaced. Tell him to do his research, how crap you must feel you poor thing.

madamez · 19/12/2007 22:33

You poor thing. He's certainly talking rubbish about only getting cold sores from kissing, as other posters have said. But has he ever behaved like this before? Is he usually a rational chap?
Point him at some sensible medical stuff and ask nicely for an apology (treat it as a trivial silly thing rather than letting it escalate) and hopefully he will back down immediately. If he doesn't, then ask him what's really pushed a stick up his arse.

ginnedupudding · 19/12/2007 22:38

My friend's dh once accused her of cheating because she had thrush (she got it as a side effect of the pill). Someone down the pub put that little nugget of info in his head.
Look it up on t'internet, print it off, and demand an apology.
Twat!

ginnedupudding · 19/12/2007 22:39

Sorry Madamez - x posts

NotQuiteCockney · 19/12/2007 22:40

Once you've got the virus (genital or mouth) you can get flare ups whenever you are ill or run down. I've had a few attacks of cold sores, over the years with DH, none associated with snogging other people (what with me not doing that!).

madamez · 20/12/2007 00:14

GIP: sheesh, anyone can get thrush. I hd my first bout of that while still a virgin - and the other delihgt (£$^%&) of that is that men can just spontaneously get it, pass it on to their partners and then you can have a happy few months of reinfecting each other every time you bonk...

Hoping the OP's partner has now calmed down and is being nice. FWIW an X of mine (lovely chap and we are still great friends) once spend most of a morning being really off with me, to my bemusement, and finally started ranting about my 'infidelity' - which it turned out he had dreamed. Midway through telling me, it sort of dawned on him

PortAndLemonaid · 20/12/2007 02:03

Point him at the NHS Direct article on the subject.

Draw his attention in particular to the section on causes: "Cold sores are usually caused by the herpes simplex virus type 1 (HSV-1). In most cases, the virus is passed on in early childhood when a child is kissed by a person with a cold sore, such as a family member. The virus goes through your skin and travels up your nerves, where it lies dormant (inactive) until it is triggered at a later date."

Then tell him he's an ignorant, ill-mannered, inconsiderate wanker.

MommalovesHerSpanglyXmasName · 20/12/2007 02:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
dragonstitcher · 20/12/2007 10:13

Morning. Last night when he came back, he did his 'poor me' thing. 'How did I think he felt?' 'He lived in the fear of catching it for 20 years with his xw, now he has to go through it again.' He is treating me as though I am a lepar. He even went as far to say that it's a form of VD.

I showed him to NHS Direct website, in particular where it says that the virus is usually caught as a child through a family member (my mum) and lies dormant until a time of extreme stress (learning to drive, him being overly critical and nasty) and abrupts at a site of an injury (cracked lips due to weather). He either isn't convinced or is covering his ears going lalalala because he wants to believe what he wants to believe. The fact is he isn't happy and he needs to blame me for it.

OP posts:
jalopy · 20/12/2007 10:17

I think you've got a bigger problem to sort out than coldsores. What a prat.

MinnSpyHandCream · 20/12/2007 10:35

I had coldsores for the first time earlier this year and it was because I was anaemic!

Do you feel tired? might be worth having a word with your GP.

anniemac · 20/12/2007 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PeachyHasAFiggyPudInTheOven · 20/12/2007 11:10

Agreezero tolerance

Dh does this occasionally, a side effect of depression in his case

I calmly point ut that he is the one whose brain doesn't function properly under stress and ahs paranoia issues, not me, and perhaps he should re=process the conversation with that fact in mind.

(if that doesn't work I ahve been known to then bounce around room screeching f off you accusing b-tard but that's not to be recommended )

anniemac · 20/12/2007 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HuwEdwards · 20/12/2007 11:40

Anniemac's approach sounds appropriate.

This is HIS problem, don't make it yours.