Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend has been fitting our bathroom for 2 years.

54 replies

Riley01 · 20/12/2021 13:35

Hi

My boyfriend decided he was going to fit the bathroom in his new house, 2 years ago. He has standard DIY knowledge and his dad persuaded him to do it himself to save money. He has a busy job though so has been (I feel) overwhelmed in doing it.

Every step there has been a problem. Last winter, we had no running water upstairs, hot water downstairs or heating for almost a month. I was using baby wipes and heating up water with a kettle to have a ‘shower’ outside.. in winter. This was in the middle of working in a hospital and trying to do a doctorate during the pandemic. We used an electric heater and ran up a huge bill.

For the last year, we have had hot running water and I have been using the shower in the bath. The whole shower has just been tiled for him to plumb it in late last night and it’s leaking into the kitchen ceiling.. and now we can’t get at it without taking the new tiles off or taking bricks from the outside of the house. He can’t turn on the isolation tap either so we have 0 running water now.

I cannot stay anywhere else, my parents are an hour away and my job is here and his dad has been rude to me in the past, so I don’t feel comfortable asking for favours off him. However, my boyfriend will say ‘well I said you could have a shower around my dads’.

Our arrangement is that it’s his mortgage and I just pay rent, so where I probably would have got a tradesman in, I’m not putting my own money into building work.

Half of me feels guilty and understanding that he is trying he best.. and the other half is at my wits end. It’s turned into a running joke at work, “is your bathroom done yet?’. Others said their house took years so I don’t know whether I’m being unreasonable or not.

Does anybody has any advice on how to cope with this or opinions on whether I am being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 20/12/2021 13:44

Of course YANBU.

Take the relationship out of the equation - you are renting a house from a landlord who isn't providing the most basic necessities.

It's been plagued by problems every step because he hasn't got a fucking clue what he is doing, & won't admit it, & hire an expert.

Your b/f - rather than plunge his hand in his pocket & get it sorted by an expert tradesman - has allowed you to shower outdoors in winter, in a pandemic, when you are a hospital worker.

You wouldn't tolerate this from an actual landlord.
Does your b/f have form for disregarding your comfort?
It sounds like it ... as he's merrily trying to send you off to shower at his dad's, who he must surely know you are uncomfortable with.

Your b/f is coming over as a complete pillock in this.
How has it taken him 2 years, to faff about getting fuck-all achieved?

thetinsoldier · 20/12/2021 13:46

Agree with @ChargingBuck !!

Yanbu at all. I'd be telling him to get a professional in ASAP, and I'd want money off the rent I'd paid when all this shit was going on. Mainly I'd be upset that he didn't seem to care more about your comfort and hygiene.

I'd have moved out by now.

ChargingBuck · 20/12/2021 13:46

Half of me feels guilty and understanding that he is trying he best

But he's not, is he?
He knows damn well he's not up to the job. He's not a plumber, he doesn't know enough to prevent basic stuff like ceiling leaks, so he doesn't actually have a "best" to give.

CherryDocsInYrBalls · 20/12/2021 13:47

You are willing to live somewhere with no running water? No, it's not sanitary and it's a basic requirement of housing. You need to move out if he won't sort this now, not in 2 years. This is no way to live, the mind boggles you are both choosing this

GreyFeederC0c0nut · 20/12/2021 13:49

I would move out

Covid & no running water !

Lottapianos · 20/12/2021 13:49

Dear god, I feel like having a nervous breakdown just reading that. How utterly ridiculous. You are NOT being unreasonable. He is taking the piss. I couldn't put up with that situation for more than a day or two

Bluntness100 · 20/12/2021 13:50

It might be his best but he’s not capable. This is a job thay should take a few days,he’s years into it. He simply can’t do it. Which is fair enough, many couldn’t.I wouldn’t.

So you need to talk to him and get someone in.

Jabbawasarollingstone · 20/12/2021 13:51

Not helpful but I got my bathroom gutted and refurnished in under 2 weeks.

I'd move out.

MizzFizz · 20/12/2021 13:52

TWO YEARS?!? I would be spending my rent money elsewhere until he gets it sorted.

CheddarGorgeous · 20/12/2021 13:53

That's insane. Find another place to live and reevaluate your relationship. Imagine having children with someone so pigheadedly incompetent!

GreyFeederC0c0nut · 20/12/2021 13:54

If you rent, you have the freedom to move out to anywhere of your choice

Why put up with such inconvenience?

winnieanddaisy · 20/12/2021 14:02

I think that you should withhold your rent for a couple of months and then use that to get a plumber in to finish the job . As others have said , if he was your landlord you would not put up with it .

TheOccupier · 20/12/2021 14:03

2 years? And you're paying towards his mortgage? Give your head a wobble!

christmascovid7356 · 20/12/2021 14:05

Have a discussion with him & tell him to get trades people in ASAP.

This is a ridiculous situation.

If he refuses it's time to move out, rent your own place, & get a BF that gives a shit about your quality of your life.

Stop paying this man's mortgage.

BornIn78 · 20/12/2021 14:10

2 years isn’t “trying his best”.

More fool you for staying and putting up with it. You’ve made these choices for 2 years so don’t moan about it.

At the very least you should join a gym purely to use the shower facilities, and tell your boyfriend you’re deducting the monthly fee from your ‘rent’.

Pinkbonbon · 20/12/2021 14:15

Not only would I have moved out by now, I would have dumped the selfish bastard too.

You shouldn't be in a relationship with someone who is do selfish, inconsiderate and pig headed. Imagine taking your girlfriends money and forcing her to live in squalor because you're too tight to hire a professional.

New bathrooms can be plumbed in relatively cheaply. You could maybe even have had it done and spent less than you did on that fan heater bill.

Sounds like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree,his dad doesn't respect you and neither does he. Ding done ditch time.

SolasAnla · 20/12/2021 14:18

Take this as a summary of your future.
Your bf owns your home the house, you pay rent which buys his asset (his house).
He made a DIY (cash retension) decision about his asset which directly and negatively affected you.
He now has house + cash (rent) not used to provide a basic minimum standard of living.
His partial resolution puts you in direct conflict with his family (who make you feel uncomfortable.

DIYing water to save money is a mugs game it's one of the most destructive things to get wrong.
If he is not on the phone to a plumber....Xmas Confused

You need to decide if
•you are a couple and sort out the financial aspects of you having no house and you paying for his house. NB do not get pregnant until you both agree to a financial future.
or
•you are FWB and you decide if the benefits outweigh the costs.

YANBU

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/12/2021 14:24

Sorry but he is incapable.

Two YEARS?

I would have lost my rag after two months.

Move out and stay in a hotel (quick, before COVID rules change).

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 20/12/2021 14:26

What has he been doing with his annual leave for the last two years?!
I think this could be a big red flag for what it might be like to potentially spend the rest of your life with this man…

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/12/2021 14:26

You're also being daft paying him 'rent', you should be a partnership.

Do not ever have children with this man.

junglejane66 · 20/12/2021 14:28

You cant rush a craftsman

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 20/12/2021 14:29

You paid rent to live in a house with no heating or no running water?

NoNameHere12 · 20/12/2021 14:32

God I can’t believe you’ve put up with that, your crackers!!

Indecisivelurcher · 20/12/2021 14:34

@junglejane66

You cant rush a craftsman
Pml at this! 😂

Its possibly only a weeks work and £2-3k. £200/day plus buying the suite. Which he might already have done. Just get someone booked and call it a Christmas present. Although you might have to wait a bit as trades are very busy and this is a small ish job.

HollowTalk · 20/12/2021 14:36

Why should she pay? She's already paying his mortgage!

Op you don't have to live with this idiot. You can move out.

Swipe left for the next trending thread