Does anyone have a low energy, low achieving partner?

[ReadyforTakeOff]

If so, how do you deal with it and how do you ensure your kids don't learn from them?

@PureBlackVoid I've just seen your response to my comment and wanted to say I really feel for you. It really was a hard decision to leave and took me years but I'm the end I thought 'I'd rather actually be alone that be whatever this is' I think I'm my head my deadline for change was my 30th birthday and I left him days later after yet another disappointment of zero effort on his part. Something will happen, as you say you will snap and cut and run I think, yes it feels like a waste of time gone by but the relief is far greater. If I were you I'd start saving up etc in preparation. Best of luck.

Perhaps you could elaborate @ReadyforTakeOff? Are they av but your high flying so feel she's mediocre compared to women at work? Is she raising six kids, running the house entirely but only works for 6 hours and you feel she should do more? Are you coming home to dirty hungry kids after 12 hour shifts and having to camber over Amazon parcels?

Erm.... Could she be ill? I have no energy and that is because I’m battling a debilitating chronic illness. It’s not someone’s fault if they have no energy!!!!

@CSJobseeker

I wouldn't stay with someone like this.

I don't think being a high-flyer or high-earner is essential, but I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't have any passion or energy for anything. People who don't have any 'get up and go' are dull and draining to be around.

Yes exactly

Considering some of OP's previous posts, it's pretty likely that she is just knackered.

@ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings

Can I say, I absolutely love your user name. Apologies for sidetracking, OP.

I’d like to know at what cost your high achievement has come at. I’m married to a high achiever whose work is high paid and also pretty heroic too (so I can’t bloody whinge at him for silly hours). It’s meant that I’ve had to pick up the slack on the domestic side. Our kids have really pretty much been brought up by me.

This obviously has with two kids had quite an impact on my career and the achievement I can attain. My husband understands this and it makes financial sense for us as a family for it to be this way - he’s fine with it. I’m wondering if you’re similarly driven but don’t appreciate the effect this has upon your wife’s drive and energy levels?

I’m retraining next year, and things are going to change. Be careful what you wish for!!!

@Dery

“Is she “low achieving” in that she does all the kid care, housework whilst you pursue a career?

Or are you a hands on dad who cooks, shops, cleans and takes the kids out on an inset day?

Just asking as it’s hard to be a high achiever if you are also responsible for all the grunt work”

This.

A Dad? Has that been confirmed?

Depends what your expectations are. If you're a surgeon and are expecting her to earn the same level of salary then YABU as less than 10% of the population earns that kind of wage, so it would be unrealistic and unfair.

I'm guessing she hasn't always had low energy if you decided to have kids with her. Is this something that has propped up after having kids or has she always been like that since day 1?

My partner had one - me. Ivd been exhausted since having my first child nearly 20 years ago.

It’s not someone’s fault if they don’t have energy... it means they are extremely tired or unwell, where is people’s empathy/compassion???? Just because you are lucky enough to have a lot of energy and good health doesn’t make you a better person it just makes you bloody lucky!!! People aren’t ill or tired because they have a lazy personality. I have had a lot of judgment from people for things I can’t help, people who have no idea that I’m battling a serious illness and they judge what they think they see. I could get really angry about this!!! Find out WHY she doesn’t have energy and have some empathy instead of thinking you’re better than her!

You’re not compatible and if you have 50/50 custody you will have as much influence as her and her mother. You will go for 50/50 right?

@AttilaTheMeerkat

The short answer to your question is by leaving him.

It's a her that's low energy and low achieving, but as your post demonstrates if it was a him they'd all be saying LTB.

@Ceriane

It’s not someone’s fault if they don’t have energy... it means they are extremely tired or unwell, where is people’s empathy/compassion???? Just because you are lucky enough to have a lot of energy and good health doesn’t make you a better person it just makes you bloody lucky!!! People aren’t ill or tired because they have a lazy personality. I have had a lot of judgment from people for things I can’t help, people who have no idea that I’m battling a serious illness and they judge what they think they see. I could get really angry about this!!! Find out WHY she doesn’t have energy and have some empathy instead of thinking you’re better than her!

Why is it the partner's job to sort her health out?

People are responsible for their own health and should seek medical help if their energy is low due to illness. If you are getting help for your illness, that is in a totally different ballpark to someone who is happy to do very little but doesn't seek help to get better.

I didn’t say it was the partner’s job to sort their health out, and not all illnesses are easily solved. I do all I can to manage my condition but still have low energy!!! If people are unwell it’s not because they are too lazy to seek help and get better!!! You are very lucky to have have such blissful ignorance about illness!

So people with MS, Lupus, and a whole list of other things are lazy and irresponsible because they can’t get better or find a Dr who will miraculously cure them because they have stopped being so lazy and sought help????