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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Neighbour hysterically yelling at heavily pregnant wife.

35 replies

LOVEMYMUM · 19/12/2007 13:28

My neighbour is heavily pregnant and her husband has just been hysterically yelling at her (not for the first time). He's now gone out. It's horrible. I'm sitting here shaking. I don't want to get involved cos i don't want to embarrass her but how can i sit here and do nothing. DH doesn't want me to do anything cos he says its none of my business. Have called the police to see if she is ok. DH is angry with me for doing so, even so i was crying when i told him.

OP posts:
SelfishMrsClaus · 19/12/2007 13:30

You did the right thing.

Too many people bury their heads in the sand & ignore the signs of abuse

Original poster
LOVEMYMUM · 19/12/2007 13:34

Thanks Mrs Claus. I know i did the right thing but just wish DH would feel the same. To make matters worse, they have a two year-old (I don't know if she is in the house now or not, but she shouldn't be witness to behaviour like that).

She's due next week!

PS: You're not selfish .

OP posts:
Janos · 19/12/2007 13:35

You did do the right thing. Good for you.

If it was frightening and horrible for you I can only imagine how she felt.

NAB3littlemonkeys · 19/12/2007 13:37

If she is embarrassed because you get involved at least she knows it is wrong that he is treating her like this. As for your DH would he stand by while someone was abusing someone he knew/cared about?

Elizabetth · 19/12/2007 13:38

You did the right thing. Sorry to hear your DH isn't supporting you.

Original poster
LOVEMYMUM · 19/12/2007 13:38

I just have a vision of her in bed crying. I don't know how she is. Do you think she may be okay? I can't help feeling worried about the effect on the baby inside her. (The yelling or the effect on me made my baby move around a bit - although it may be coincidence.)

OP posts:
Original poster
LOVEMYMUM · 19/12/2007 13:39

If i wasn't pg, i think i would go and knock on the door, but i don't want to upset myself by getting involved. I also don't want to embarass her by knowing her business. We are the same age.

OP posts:
Original poster
LOVEMYMUM · 19/12/2007 13:41

Hi Nab - DH grew up a in a foreign country where you kept to yourself. He has a different point of view sometimes (frustrating!).

OP posts:
NAB3littlemonkeys · 19/12/2007 13:43

I am a bit confused. Why does the fact that you are pregnant stop you knocking on the
door?

I was going to suggest that you put a note through asking if all was okay and did she need anything, if you really can't knock, but then it worried me what he might do if he found out that someone knew what was going on. He sounds a piece of work. What did the police say?

Original poster
LOVEMYMUM · 19/12/2007 13:48

Don't want to knock on the door cos i feel vulnerable. Don't want to get upset as my BP is the higher end of normal and don't want to push it higher (had BP of 151 at 22 weeks). Am now 20 weeks.

Police still not come.

I'm worried about the guy having a go at me. If i wasn't pg i would stand up to him - in fact, i would have knocked on the door to stop him maybe!

OP posts:
Original poster
LOVEMYMUM · 19/12/2007 13:49

Oops, 29 weeks!

I know i did the right thing and i feel frustrated that i don't feel able to knock on the door! I wish i had gone out and not heard any of it!!!

OP posts:
edam · 19/12/2007 13:51

If the police don't turn up, it might be worth calling Refuge or Women's Aid and asking their advice - they might have another way of offering help.

Glad you called the cops, though, more than a lot of people would do.

micci25 · 19/12/2007 13:54

couldnt you just knock on the door and invite her over for a cuppa and use the excuse that you are fed up of being pg or excited about it and need another expectant mum to chat to?

that way you get to know her just dont let on that you have heard what is going on and if she feels comfortable with you she might confide in you!!

me and my dp can have awfull rows sometimes esp when i was pg but generally we get on well ish maybe its just that emotions are running high and they usually have a good relationship?

Original poster
LOVEMYMUM · 19/12/2007 13:58

Police are next-door now and have just left. I'm glad i called them cos i just didn't want her to be left alone. I hope the police turning up haven't scared her at all.

I will say to DH that i had no choice - i was getting upset as well. He said to call Environmental Health cos of noise! I told him i'm not prepared to listen to that carry-on from her husband.

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
SantasGotABigFatEllieG · 19/12/2007 14:00

You did the right thing. Poor lady. Is very bad for her unborn too. If carries on I would call social services too - can be anon.

Original poster
LOVEMYMUM · 19/12/2007 14:01

Hi micci.

DH said the same as you, it might be a normal row. But its not when its at a v high volume and she's quiet. He was hysterical saying "i can't take any more". What kind of effect would that have on a 39 week pg woman?
He sounded like he lost his temper totally - and its not the first time. I could hear it upstairs (semi-detached houses).

I will ask her if she wants to come round - maybe later on today when i feel a bit better too.

I was worried he was going to hit her.

OP posts:
Aldina · 19/12/2007 14:03

i have to listen to my neighbours constantly arguing & throwing things around. But in this case they are both as bad as each other.

You did the right thing.

MinnSpyHandCream · 19/12/2007 14:08

LoveMyMum,

Well done, thats Christmas spirit for you!!

Take a Christmas Card round for them.

It sounds as though they both have a lot going on atm.

Original poster
LOVEMYMUM · 19/12/2007 14:16

Hi everyone.

Off to do some housework now.
I feel better now and also feel that i'm setting my LO a good example by standing up for what i know is right.

Being pg is no excuse for being a good person - even if it does get me out of hoovering! Ho, ho, ho!

OP posts:
edam · 19/12/2007 14:42

well done, Lovemymum!

Original poster
LOVEMYMUM · 19/12/2007 17:43

Just a quick update - i saw my neighbour in the street when I went out a few hours ago and he was perfectly calm. It's like it was two different people. V glad he's not my husband - i'd have walked by now!

OP posts:
Alambil · 19/12/2007 20:36

Good that the police now have a record - please call through any other screaming matches. Their DV team should be made aware by now too for potential issues.

The Christmas poster from Women's Aid says:

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is for mummy and daddy to stop yelling at each other.

Love (a name), age 5

or something like that - you did good. Very good.

SantasElasticKnickers · 19/12/2007 20:39

a good way to go round is to ask for a chinease, or some such, take away menu?> if they happen to have one?
jsut to chck she is ok

Original poster
LOVEMYMUM · 19/12/2007 22:47

My mother said that maybe she had run up a huge visa bill or something, but there was no excuse for his OTT behaviour.

The next time it happens (fingers crossed it won't), if DH is in, i will ask him to knock on their door if i get this upset again, saying its upsetting my wife.

I hope there is never a repeat.

OP posts:
Dixichik · 19/12/2007 22:53

My neighbour did this when my husband and I were having a barny a few weeks ago. It resulted in him being arrested and put in a cell all night for a breach of the peace (a breach of the neighbour's peace) I had the police then returning at the house banging on the door at 2am waking my kids up, and asking me for a statement.

I don't apeak to my neighbour now, I think she is a nosey mare who should mind her own business. Her interfering caused more harm than good.