I just have a feeling that something is wrong, would you get in touch?

[Wanderery2]

I know this sounds like I want to be in touch for other reasons but genuinely, this has come from a place of concern, not with an agenda to get back together.

We broke up as he wasn’t coping well with family problems (his dad is very mentally unwell) and working away during the week. It meant the relationship was barely there. I was very sad to leave him.

It’s been around a month and my (very expensive) coat was left at his house. I intended to ask him to leave it outside at some point so I could collect it. I went to message him a week ago and his last seen on WhatsApp was a really odd time for him. He’s very very specific with sleep and routines and switching phone off etc that it set an alarm bell off in my head. I decided to wait to ask about the coat. Each time I have gone to message his last seen has been at these very odd times. It’s made me think his dad has done something silly or my ex isn’t coping well. Obviously there are other reasons why his WhatsApp last seen could have a change to it, he could even be with someone new, but I just have this very strong feeling that something isn’t right.

I know it probably sounds like I’m looking for a way in. All I can say is it’s not - I loved him i hugely but the relationship was barely there and I don’t want that again. I still care for him deeply and it’s really shaken me to think he might not be ok.

Then again, he’s not reached out to me so maybe doesn’t want or need my help and I should stay away? I don’t know. He’s quite a quiet person and doesn’t have close friends so I know he won’t have anyone to turn to.

Just get in touch and ask for your coat back, then that's sorted.

He's not got in touch and you don't know anything is wrong so I wouldn't be worrying over this. Even if it is, it wouldn't really be appropriate or fair for him to lean on a recent ex for support if it was his circumstances that led to the breakup.

The odd time between online might well have just been him unable to sleep.

Message him about your coat, just in case he sends it off to a charity shop! Don't speculate about whether it's a good time to ask or not. If you really just want your coat, let him know you need it. You can ask how he is while you're at it, so the door is open if he wants a chat. But personally I think he's an adult, and he can decide for himself whether he's able to deal with a message about a coat. Good luck, but let go. He's not your boyfriend any more, so it's not your job to worry about him. Don't mean to sound harsh but if you're not an item, this isn't your problem.

You're over thinking this.

Send him a short message asking for the coat. You could wish him Merry Christmas etc if you wanted to. The longer you leave contacting him the stranger it will be when you do.

Quit the messaging, pick up the phone and speak to him, if no answer go round

He's abroad.

I’d ask for the coat back.

If he wants to chat/message then he will.

But get your coat.

Just arrange to get your coat! Go on, go on, go on...

😂 I wish I hadn’t left my bloody coat there!! I just feel very worried for him.

Hi ex, hope you and your dad are ok. I need to collect my coat. I’ll call round at x time and date unless you tell me different. You can leave it outside if you don’t want me to knock. Wandery.

You're overthinking it.
Just message him saying you're coming by on x day to get your coat.

Get it before he sells it.

It's none of your business why he is online late and you are still emotionally invested. At least be honest with yourself.

You're not sending a message about your coat because of his Last Seen time ?

This is really overthinking.

Maybe he is in a different country?

Just ask for the coat and see what he says.

@Aposterhasnoname

Hi ex, hope you and your dad are ok. I need to collect my coat. I’ll call round at x time and date unless you tell me different. You can leave it outside if you don’t want me to knock. Wandery.

This is sensible. You're overthinking and letting yourself spiral about this a bit.

If you’re worried then contacting him about a coat is a good way of innocently checking he’s ok. You send a message similar to the one upthread. If he replies and say “oh yeah sure no problem I’ll leave it out for you” then job done, no need to worry, he is obviously fine. If he doesn’t reply, or sends an odd response, then maybe you can start worrying and you could contact his mum or someone to see if he’s ok.

But just start by asking for the bloody coat!

He's in a exotic country with a good time distance with a new GF.. 🤷‍♀️

Stop worrying about him. He's sold your coat. Or given it to his auntie/his new girlfriend. Maybe he's wearing it himself.

One message about the coat. If he doesn't get back with 'I'll drop it round', forget him and forget it.

I'm less "no contact" than most people here - would message about the coat and also ask how he's doing, then chat a little if he wants. I wouldn't want to become a major source of support, but I'd still care about him and maybe help steer him towards getting help from others.

Just ring him .. simple

I know it sounds ridiculous but I know him and I just know something isn’t right.

Each time i went to message it showed very random times and then huge gaps in being online. This is not like him at all. There’s no way he’s abroad either.

@OnlyAFleshWound I’m definitely still emotionally invested. I know I am. I’ve even been in tears about this as I can’t bear him being in any sort of distress or feeling troubled. I know that makes me sound insane and a bit OTT ..I’m usually pretty hard wired and not soppy whatsoever! I don’t want me and him back but I love the man and hate feeling like he’s not ok :(

You don’t know that he’s not ok. You’re expending all this emotional energy when you don’t even know anything. That’s a little weird.

Just text him and ask for the coat back.

For you to know that there are random gaps between him being on line, you must be checking an awful lot!

Surely you can just send the message about the coat, and he will pick it up next time he's online? Isn't that how it works 🤔

Just ring/messsge him already!

Put yourself out of your misery and call him, if he doesn’t answer send a text , other than that (unless you want to go round unannounced) there’s not much else you can do.

Sorry OP but I don't understand this at all. What is the connection between him looking at his whatsapp at unusual times and you not messaging? There is no connection at all. Message him to ask about the coat and you will then find out how he is (and get the coat back too-win/win).