Am I overreacting?

[Redfaceddad]

NC as a bit embarrassed

Over the last year, bubble arrangements during pick-up meant I sometimes swapped small talk with one of the teachers at the kids’ school. We’re both single and similar ages. Unfortunately I developed a bit of a crush, but realising that even if it were reciprocated, asking a teacher on a date would be a big no-no (wouldn’t be surprised if they get hit on by dads all the time!) tried to hide it, not appear like a puppy dog and keep interactions bright and brief.

Bubble arrangements ended, however I found myself still passing her on the way out from drop-off. Given we’d previously been chatting I’d say a quick “Hi” in my way out. Then, after about a week of this, I also asked if the office was open as I needed to drop off something. She told me no, to try in the afternoon and then added:

“I seem to see you a lot without the kids at the moment.”

I laughed, made a quip about them wanting to get into school as quick as possible and left. Inwardly though I was cringing. I’m never hanging about the premises on my own - I’m always either waiting to pick the kids up or dropping off and I’m actually rarely early. I felt that despite my best attempts to hide it and keep respectful, she’d realised I had a bit of a crush and this was her way of warning me off. Ever since I’ve been avoiding eye contact and staying far away.

What do you think? Am I overreacting? Why would she say something like this if it wasn’t along the lines of “I’ve got your number?”

Shit that is awkward. I don't know what to make of it. How could she have realised you had a crush on her?

Either you are overreacting because it’s quite easy to overanalyse every little thing said and done when you have a crush on someone.

Or, you’re not overanalysing and she was trying to warn you off a little.

Either way, you’ve done nothing wrong. You can’t control how you feel. You can control how you act, which it sounds like you you’ve been conscious to do.

I think you're over reacting.... I honestly wouldn't worry about it, seems innocent

Unless of course it's reciprocated and that's her way of letting you know??

I felt that despite my best attempts to hide it and keep respectful, she’d realised I had a bit of a crush and this was her way of warning me off.

I agree, it sounds like she's twigged and is politely warning you off.

@thecatsinthecradle

Unless of course it's reciprocated and that's her way of letting you know??

Must say this was my first thought too.

Instead of warning you off it could be her way of opening up a conversation?

@PinkFizz1 and @thecatsinthecradle

Ugh! So it’s back off or get closer? Why do these things have to be so complicated?

I guess, as I said though, even if she was interested asking a teacher out from your kids’ school would probably be a bad idea.

You could easily say "I could be completely off-base, and if I am please let me know, but I've really enjoyed talking to you over the past year and wondered whether you would want to have coffee sometime".

But I think the bigger question is, would you want to/would it be ok to have a relationship with a teacher at your kid's school (should she say yes. I don't have school aged children and absolutely no idea about that....

Unless of course it's reciprocated and that's her way of letting you know

Yes, that's clearly what he wants us to say.

I notice that asking her out has gone from being "a big no-no" in your OP, to being probably a bad idea. Which is it?

I think my DD would be mortified if I started dating a teacher from her school, and I would let that be my guide.

@PoshPyjamas Actually no. That actually gives me a headache. I wanted to know if I was right to be mortified and keep my head down or if I could relax a little.

To be honest

She sounds ever so slightly concerned

Either way
I’d back off

How do you know she's single OP? (and by single I don't mean unmarried, I mean not in a relationship)

On the flip side of the kids potentially being mortified at the idea of you dating a teacher at their school, I'd be interested in hearing from teachers reading this thread, whether they'd feel awkward dating a parent of kids attending their school?

@Sausagedogsarethebest

How do you know she's single OP? (and by single I don't mean unmarried, I mean not in a relationship)

Mutual acquaintances are part of a hobby group and, being a bit of a closer a knit community, it’s kind of “known” amongst the parents if that makes sense. I accept I can’t rule out her having a secret lover though.

JUST NO

Either you are dangerously close to crossing the line; or she is an unprofessional teacher who believes the parents of her charges are a dating pool.

I mean, if you want to date someone morally questionable, and/or don't mind looking like an inappropriate perv, crack on.

To the posters suggesting he ask her out... what the hell are you thinking??

I'm a teacher. I know dad's have had 'little crushes' on me over the years. Some of them have been quite attractive and I've got on with but this is an absolutely no no unless ypu are planning on removing your child from the school.

I can't imagine anything worse than being asked put by a dad of one of my children!

She deserves to go to work without being hit on oradea ro feel uncomfortable. It's just so inappropriate I don't even know where to begin.

The dad's typo was my phones doing. Not mine

The rest are all me...

Eek. It doesn't really make sense?

I would absolutely not sweat it, don't avoid her, just be normal. You've done nothing wrong and are very likely to be over analysing!

I agree it’s all too awkward, but it does happen teachers get with parents. A female teacher of my junior school kid, to whom I contributed for a wedding gift, left hubby quite quickly and got together with the Mum of one of her pupils - who left her hubby too. Not sure how the kids felt about it, but it didn’t seem to be a big thing generally- everyone just carried on - and the playground mums had some gossip for a few weeks.

Dunno.

If you want to ask her out just ask her. She can only say no..

@OldChinaJug

To the posters suggesting he ask her out... what the hell are you thinking??

I'm a teacher. I know dad's have had 'little crushes' on me over the years. Some of them have been quite attractive and I've got on with but this is an absolutely no no unless ypu are planning on removing your child from the school.

I can't imagine anything worse than being asked put by a dad of one of my children!

She deserves to go to work without being hit on oradea ro feel uncomfortable. It's just so inappropriate I don't even know where to begin.

Why?!

They aren’t teenagers. He’s not going to top himself if she says no. She can just say no. Teaching is just a job like any other, it’s not special.

[quote Redfaceddad]@PoshPyjamas Actually no. That actually gives me a headache. I wanted to know if I was right to be mortified and keep my head down or if I could relax a little.[/quote]
You're wrong to be mortified and you can relax. All you've done is chat to a teacher. So what, as a teacher I don't mind talking to parents. If I didn't want to casually chat to them, it's easy enough to find ways to avoid doing so. Don't read things into her words that you have no idea were any more than a throwaway remark. Just carry on being pleasant but not over-friendly and let her lead the way.

I don't understand...

She made a throwaway comment, you made a throwaway comment

Just act normal. Drop kids off, say 'hi' if you see her.
It's fine. Really