How do you manage finances/divvy up money?

[MeSanniesareBrannies]

How do you manage finances/divvy up money?

So, background info:

Me: 34, earning just over £60K (less than £20K savings). Unlikely to ever earn more than £90K.

DP: 32, earning £100K + bonus (also has £100K savings/deposit). Earnings upper limit impossible to predict.

My partner and I have been together three years, lived together two and just got engaged. He earns considerably more than me, has always paid for most things and is happy to do so. We’re buying a house (both names) and he’ll be stumping up most of the deposit.

We both work full time in fairly intense jobs, but hours aren’t crazy. We’re pretty even on housework (we’re both a bit rubbish, he possibly does slightly more, we have a lovely cleaner). No kids, but we we want them and I’ll probably stay home for a bit when we have them.

DP wants to chuck all our money (after savings and investments) in a joint account, have equal access and just not worry about it. Having read threads on here, it seems like there’s reasons not to do that? There’s lots of comments about making sure everyone has their own money, ‘ducks in a row’ and is contributing to the household according to income? If you’re long term married and happy with your financial arrangements, what do you do/would you recommend we do?

I can’t imagine ever having money based rows, but as it seems so common, I thought getting ahead of it might be good. All advice gratefully received.

We've chucked our money in one pot & lived happily ever after. I've worked intermittently, DH had a proper job. The issues arise if you're not on the deeds & mortgage and not married, then stay at home.

He's got a massive pension pot but otherwise all equally split. Bit more complicated than that but it's been a team effort, so has worked well.

@Wombat69 Excellent! This is what I was hoping to hear.

All in one pot. Spend freely.

Joint account all the way here since we got married. No separate accounts..1 DD together, so he was breadwinner when I was on mat leave. Initially I earned more, now he does. So long as you have similar attitudes to your finances it's all good.

Also all in together, hasn’t caused any issues.

The only person likely to be disadvantaged by such an arrangement is the higher earner. He see s you as an equal partnership. He will not be expecting you to live on your savings whilst on maternity leave. He sounds like a keeper. We have always done the same and earnings have been totally swings and roundabouts for us. I had 3 X mat leaves and he had 2 years unemployed/ SAHD. I inherited some money. We decided together what to do with it and I left him to invest what we had not spent. I have no escape fund but would prefer to live with trust and mutual respect even if I know from MN that there is a risk involved with that. It is far less complicated to share it all.

All in one pot but we are married so onboard what’s his is mine and all 🤣

a bit different. Not onboard 😂

Both high earners, two pots.

I pay most of the big bills as I earn a lot more.

Allows us both to spend freely and no raised eyebrows if he buys a new bike or I decide I want new sofas in my office.

Both salaries into one account, and equal (small-ish) amour of spending money into a personal account
We have vague rules about spending from the joint account, mostly that we have to run any large spending past the other person first

If you’re both working full time and earning well, for gods sake get a cleaner! Twice a week if you need to
Life is too short to have any arguments about who’s turn it is to clean the bathroom or change the sheets…

DH and I have always shared all finances equally, whether I've been a SAHM or working. He earns a lot more than me, but all income is family money and we have equal access to it.

We have in the past pooled money when you get and poorer but it doesn't make sense now - neither of us needs the others contribution.

Together 18 years. We put all our money in one pot when we got engaged (maybe before?). It works for us. We were pretty equal earners until I went part-time after kids. We have the same attitude towards money so we've never fallen out over it or had issues. I think if you have very different attitudes to money it can be better to keep things more separate eg one of you is tighter / money-conscious than the other...

@SW1amp We have a cleaner. She comes once a week and is absolutely marvellous. DP and I have never had an argument about housework - possibly because it’s never either of our turns to clean the bathroom or change the sheets. 😂

For self employee/freelance people (like most people I work with) it’s better to keep them separate otherwise it makes doing your accounts a PITA.
But in your situation a joint account is a good idea I think.

@Aria2015 Yes, we’re engaged (planning wedding for next year, Covid willing) and figured we’d entwine finances now. So, same.

I’d say we have fairly similar attitudes to money. There haven’t been any sticking points, thus far.

We've always just put it into one pot, spend what we need. At different times we've had jobs where one earned more than the other , but we're a team, the amounts don't matter.

I had the capital and higher income and house at the start so we had a pre-nup.

DH's earnings zoomed past mine. I had babies and gave up work for 8 years.

Always had separate accounts - I bought what we needed and gave dh an itemised account and the receipts at the end of the month. He never, ever questioned a penny. We have similar attitudes to money.

If I wanted to buy a picture or new sofa I can't imagine having to discuss it with DH first. he bought a bloody sports car

@RosesAndHellebores “he bought a bloody sports car” 😂😂😂

Thanks for the responses, everyone. Judging from these responses, I think I may have got myself into a bit of a tizzy about nothing. I clearly spend far too much time reading gloomy posts.

Together 14 years married for 8. We've got separate accounts and pay into the house account. DH earns more than me and doesn't grumble at picking up additional expenses.

Someone accused me of being a child of Thatcher when I said we treat the money side of marriage as a business. But in our case it is as we had very particular goals & also have to adjust for how we think about stuff.

If there's any hint of financial abuse, then one pot is a bad idea. But it can be a strength over the years, it all depends on the specifics of your partnership.

We put wages into one pot, mortgage, childcare, bills and savings come out of that then we split whatever is left and transfer into our personal accounts! OH manages it all, he’s the higher earner, if I need anything for the house or kids we just use joint account. That way I don’t have to justify spending on myself and neither does he. Works pretty well. On mat leave at the moment so the savings and personal pot is less but that’s to be expected. I have a friend who pays her half of everything even though she earns less, if we did that I’d literally be left with not alot while he would be left with money so I’m grateful that he makes it all equal x

All money in one pot here, we are a partnership so everything is shared, otherwise, what's the point?

32 years together now and I can honestly say we have NEVER had an arguement over money.

We've never had an argument about money either. But we have similar views about money, there is absolute trust in our relationship and most importantly there has always been enough. We had one sticky patch in the very early years but we're straight with each other and it was a cash flow situation.