Had to tell my Uncle to stop making jibes about my weight (I'm not even overweight)

[me4real]

I've often been quite skinny and so family members delight in pointing it out if I'm not quite as skinny, because it makes them feel better about themselves.

I saw a therapist a couple of years ago for various things and then went through a phase of restricting what I ate a lot and got really scrawny. She appealed to my vanity and said that for women our age it looks weird if we're too skinny and also that a bit of weight (not overweight of course) can mean we look less wrinkly in the face. So she was able to get me to stop and be a bit less scrawny. Some women can be skinny and it not take a toll on their face of course, but putting on a bit definitely looks better on mine.

Anyway my uncle was on about it today repeatedly even after I told him why I don't try and be really skinny anymore.

I've told him that I'll have to cut him off if he goes on about it again, as I don't keep people around if they're bad for my health (I've had eating disorder symptoms on and off for the last 31 years, since I was 13.)

Anyway, just letting off steam really. Anyone else cut of a relative for stuff like this?

It is due to my proneness to ED symptoms (which I'm having therapy for in a way at the moment- symptoms vary over the years and mostly tend to have major food cravings at the moment, but have lost 6lbs for my own preference rather than medical need) that I can't have this sort of thing around me.

Tell him you won’t tolerate it and walk out / away every time. Give him 3 strikes and if he can’t keep his mouth shut then cut him off.

Toxic people like him need to fuck off!! So damaging.

I hope you’re getting the help you need now OP x

Tell him to “shut up about it” that you’re not fat and keep his rude opinions to himself. It’s an obviously unpleasant side of this man.

If he continues, avoid! Either physically or conversationally. If he says something in company, can you call him something fat, bald, badly dressed, whatever! A bit childish but will make him realise your not someone to be messed with!

PS weight on older women can be a nice look I agree. Jackie Onassis was a very slim style-setter when younger. Very attractive. But she kept the extreme slimness up when older and frankly it was not a good look. So have a mince pie without too much guilt this Xmas 🎄 whilst you’re at it .

'Shut the fuck up, Uncle. Don't want to hear it, and most especially, not from you' - while looking him contemptuously up and down.

Is he skinny?

You would not be unreasonable to cut contact with him. Eating disorders are very difficult to manage and you are putting so much hard work into being healthy - you don't have to accept him undermining that. I wouldn't even give him three strikes - one last chance and after that he is toast.

You don't have to put up with rudeness and personal comments from him. Your weight is none of his business. I also agree about being very slim as you get older; it becomes easy to look gaunt instead of healthy.

Call him out on it.
A 'Why are you fat-shaming me Uncle?' might do the trick

Is he skinny?

@00100001 No, he's probably obese. Short, and with a big beer belly. It just makes him feel better about himself to make these comments and if I put on a few lbs. Other family members (none particularly slim) can be the same, too. It is a joy to them.

I mean, one time I put on a matter of 4lbs as I stopped an activity I was doing, so I was probably an 8-10 rather than an 8, and he said 'I'm saying nothing' in front of everyone when I had a desert. My mum made similar delighted comments the next time she saw me after that.

*dessert lol

I’d cut every single one of them out of my life. They’re awful.

I am the only “in the healthy” weight range adult in my mothers side of the family, I get this too. Aunts in particular like to make comments when I go up a size/a few lbs.

It’s honestly just an insecurity things for them. However in your situation I would cut contact, that’s not normal behaviour especially after you’ve asked him to stop.

Oh OP, I'm the same. Always been tiny, and when I announced my pregnancy, there was no "congratulations" from certain people. Just a deranged glint in the eye, and a "omg I can't wait to see you fat!"

It's because they are miserable. But too lazy to do anything about it. Even the tiniest weight gain, makes you more like "them" in their eyes. They are happy because it provides validation to their miserable state.

So, ask yourself, why the opinion of a blobby, miserable, mocking old fool, regarding your weight, even matters to you

Urgh this is awful, it sounds like you have a lot of jealous and rude relatives. Does being around them bring you any joy at all? Your mental health is way more important than being around unsupportive people.

OP, it's not you , it's them. And you have to wonder why and keep wondering why.

Every single negative comment is about them not you. So that's how and why you rise above it.

Why can't you look straight at their bellies and say " know your not making comments about weight" I do that and I'm fat, if the person saying it is fat.

What strange, unpeasant people these are. Who would want to spend more than 10 seconds in their company?

Their rudeness is counting on your politeness and sucking it up, naturellement. Or is it meant to be a joke?

Baffling, bizarre.

unpleasant

I've told him that I'll have to cut him off if he goes on about it again, as I don't keep people around if they're bad for my health
This sounds great. Very sensible. Plus he must be incredibly boring. What's the down side?

Right, so it's not just your uncle, it's your Mum too. No wonder you have a problematic relationship with eating and food.

They're awful people OP, and obviously self conscious about their own weight so picking on you.
See them as little as possible.

Well done OP for not putting up with it.

They sound awful.

"my weight is the least interesting things about me. Isn't there any other thing you'd like to talk to me about?"

He sounds awful. You'd be totally justified in cutting him out of your life if he can't keep his inane comments to himself. Your mental and physical health are so important, please don't jeopardise them by hanging around with people who trigger your ED.

You family sounds preoccupied with weight, and thats not healthy for any of you. I think you need to stop talking about weight altogether with your family. Tell them not to mention it to you at all, even in what they may consider a positive way, or with reference to someone else. I think its important for your recovery and if they can't accept that they're better avoided.

Look him right in the eye and ask him why he's obsessed with your body.