DS said he's been pushed by key worker

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My DS is 3 years old, very bright, articulate and aware.. he can be emotional, high sensitivity - the past 2-3 weeks (since one of the head of nursery left her post) he has been less happy, wanting to stay at home, not smiling when I collect him.. his key worker often tends to be busy with another parent when I collect him, she's unavailable and always seems to busy herself when I am there to collect him so another staff member brings DS.

Today at home he told my husband that he 'missed his mummy' and was crying for me.. he also told my DH that Mrs xx pushed him and said "I'm so sorry about that" even showed him the action..

He then proceeded to say that 2 kids kept putting sand in his eyes, he told me their names.. he has been coming home full of sand on certain days..

When I gently asked him about the above, he said "I shouldn't tell you anything mummy"

I am at an absolute loss and seething inside.. I don't know best way to deal with this but plan to go there for a chat tomorrow and email the nursery manager tomorrow.

Can anyone advise best way? Where do I start?

I'm seeing red and my DH is like so not show any emotion, be factual...

Pls advise someone who been through something similar?

My advise would be to directly approach his key worker today at pick up and ask her how’s he’s been recently. Let her speak - then explain that you’re asking because he has told you that he’s been crying and has seemed generally unsettled at pick up.

It kind of sounds to me that you haven’t taken to his key worker and this is likely adding to your concerns. It’s normal, we’re humans and some people just set off our senses in a negative way. Have a chat with her in person. Wait to speak to her if she’s busy. Start a communication, this will probably reassure you. Mention the sand thing to her so she knows to keep a look out for this happening because it absolutely shouldn’t be.

It’s that time of year, end of term also and my children always got very tired and unsettled with so much going on in nursery/school.

Is it possible that he said he shouldn’t tell you anything because he could see you were upset (understandably) about it? Either way, as others said it’s important to explain he absolutely must tell you anything that’s on his mind and that adults must never tell children to keep secrets.

The pushing followed by an apology could have been genuinely accidental but if he was feeling unsettled and can’t take to the teacher it might have felt upsetting to him.

I hope you get some reassurance from them today. Good luck.

Honestly? He's 3. It sounds like the nursery worker accidentally pushed him and apologised. It does sound abusive.

Doesn't sound abusive!

Police! Kitten catcher is clearly having an afternoon tipple.
Honestly op I'd just arrange a meeting and say that he is generally unhappy and mention the sand children and the other bits. He is there though so around other three year olds which are difficult to police

Why do you think she's busying herself rather than actually busy. If they weren't extremely short staffed I'd be surprised, as every other childcare setting the length of the country is. Why the email demanding transparency- what was the context of that. Did you explain that you had concerns and what they were?

That email just sounds intended to stir up drama. I don’t know why you would send a vague email saying ‘transparency is important’ without being transparent yourself and clearly outlining the issues.

This all could have been solved by just speaking to the people who look after him and mentioning that he’s been struggling and needs some extra support and asking if they could help. Instead, you’ve send a random email implying they’ve not been transparent to their superiors.

The pushing thing reminded me of a phase my goddaughter's brother went through were he hated the word "no". I said "no" to him for some reason and he threw himself on the floor, looked me straight in the eye and said "you pushed me". His mother and I were speechless (then we laughed).

However, it far more likely that the key worker bumped into him and said sorry.

Maybe try to find out more about the sand thing but you sound like you're overreacting.

As for contacting the police, that's just barking mad!

I've sent the email now, it didn't sound too harsh upon reading it back.. I guess I just want them to tell me rather than hear from my DS..

I think this might be one of the best 'call the police' I have ever seen on Mumsnet!

The not telling mummy thing appears to come from him rather than "X said I shouldn't tell you.." doesn't it? More likely a 3yo expansion on someone trying to comfort/jolly him up saying "come on now, mummy wouldn't want you to be upset..." than anything else I'd have thought?

@JustALittleHelpPlease hopefully
Yes x