Hello
First time poster
Long time lurker
Won't give too much identifiable information but wanted an idea of others opinions. Is Mumsnet fairly varied in its readership?
Husband and I been together nearly 20 years and married more than 10. Have 2 children 9 and 5.
I do love my husband. In hindsight there have always been some red flags some small and some larger.
After having children things became more challenging as parenting styles differ.
However he now drinks nearly daily and up to 5 litres a fortnight of spirits.
He's Jekyll and Hyde can be all good but if something triggers he shouts at me and kids. He's always telling me what I'm failing to do well or to his standards (ex military) and is often calling me names. Idiot, fucktard.
He even calls me a shortened version of my maiden name e.g. 'Oh Bunts... your so slapdash' 'Such a Bunterism!' When I have done something not to his liking.
I am in a profession where I am educated in up to date child well being and psychology but he totally disregards it. He calls me weak and shouts at me while children are disregulating that it's all my fault because I'm so weak and they walk all over me.
They don't - they are normal kids with normal boundaries that they challenge at times but I stay firm but respectful and help them work through any emotions as best I can.
My kids haven't slept well until recently so I've had 9 years of sleep deprivation and never once has he done night wake ups . I've always been here for bedtime.
Tonight an episode led to my daughter crying and running upstairs she even asked me if her dad has an illness that makes him angry.
Writing it all down sounds awful. He thinks I'm lazy but I never stop. I wish 3/4 days a week. He does help around house but us fastidious and inflexible as to when and how it happens. On rare occasion he's not drinking he doesn't do the normal routine of his.
He says he feels disrespected and uncared for- I feel I've numbed everything to cope. I can't respect someone who is so angry and explosive. I calmly call him out if he calls me names or puts me down especially in front of kids 'it's not Ok to call me a retard' 'it's unacceptable to call me lazy'.
Kids love him to bits lot of the time and he can be great fun but it's always on his terms and depends on his mood.
This can't go on but not sure what to do!