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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Amazing guy but very immature

32 replies

cloudsandrain21 · 13/12/2021 21:11

I could get past this but if we have a disagreement he hates it that I don't agree with him. Goes in a mood.
He's very off with me lately so I ask him and he says I'm not getting in to this.
I asked him then if he actually wants to be with me. His reply was walk away then, but if I walk away he will beg me back.

He can be manipulative but I call him out on it. Where he struggles because I don't think he has dated some one like me.

But telling me to walk away is that him using reverse Psychology on me or it that what he wants me to do?

I realise this is very immature. He's amazing in other ways. Just got no skills when it comes to discussing or disagreements

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/12/2021 21:12

He is not amazing at all

PurpleDaisies · 13/12/2021 21:12

How long have you been together? I don’t understand why anyone would want a manipulative partner.

RaisedByPangolins · 13/12/2021 21:14

Life is too short. It is immature but they don’t grow out of it. Do yourself a massive favour and run.

Original poster
cloudsandrain21 · 13/12/2021 21:15

I don't want a manipulative partner, there is more to it. It's hard to explain like he struggles but puts on a front. I'm finding it hard to explain

OP posts:
user1493494961 · 13/12/2021 21:15

He doesn't sound very amazing.

PollyPaintsFlowers · 13/12/2021 21:16

I had an ex like that. EX.

Original poster
cloudsandrain21 · 13/12/2021 21:17

I know he doesn't 😢 been with him two years I love him very much he's just so bad with communication. I can't tell if he struggles with his emotions or his just a plank

OP posts:
Lightstoobright · 13/12/2021 21:18

No amount of amazing can make up for being manipulative, moody, immature, emotionally unintelligent and poor at communicating. Basic fail. Next.

MintyGreenDream · 13/12/2021 21:18

I would never describe someone who was immature as amazing

jamaisjedors · 13/12/2021 21:20

No amount of amazing can make up for being manipulative, moody, immature, emotionally unintelligent and poor at communicating. Basic fail. Next.

Exactly this. Wish i had seen the warning signs in my EX... Amazing on paper but living with someone like that will ultimately destroy you.

yougottasmilesobright · 13/12/2021 21:22

This will only get worse for you. He's a manipulator

Nov910 · 13/12/2021 21:23

My ex was like this too. Any discussions were ignored/diverted and I got fed up of it.
If he can’t have a grown up conversation you’re going to struggle

Original poster
cloudsandrain21 · 13/12/2021 21:25

Yes this is we're I'm at, he can't talk unless it's n his terms. I love him so much but he won't compromise

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 13/12/2021 21:26

You don’t need this. Let some other woman train him. Move on.

Allthelols · 13/12/2021 21:26

He’s over 18 right? If so then he won’t suddenly become not immature so if you want to put this behaviour down as immaturity then I think you are stuck with it.

He sounds far from amazing
Amazing partners don’t sulk and manipulate and play with your emotions

Get out whilst you can

androiduser · 13/12/2021 21:28

@cloudsandrain21

I know he doesn't 😢 been with him two years I love him very much he's just so bad with communication. I can't tell if he struggles with his emotions or his just a plank

I think it's the latter.

Unanananana · 13/12/2021 21:29

What a prick. What do you love about him?

Why do you tolerate his moods and manipulation?

Fireflygal · 13/12/2021 21:29

he hates it that I don't agree with him. Goes in a mood

That's about control. The most important skill in a relationship is to the ability to compromise, see another person point of view.

If he's a grown man this isn't immaturity but his fixed personality. I suggest you read books such as verbally abusive relationship. It might give you insight into the dynamics of sulking and why its effective in wearing down the partner.

FrancescaContini · 13/12/2021 21:31

What on earth is amazing about him? Confused

fuckoffjournalists · 13/12/2021 21:33

He's not amazing, run 🏃‍♀️

Nov910 · 13/12/2021 21:39

@Fireflygal is correct. It is a form of emotional abuse and will wear you down. Is it emotional topics he struggles with or different topics out of interest?

Original poster
cloudsandrain21 · 13/12/2021 21:41

Emotional topics any thing he do best want to face. He plays victim a lot. I have called him out on emotional abuse. If I ask him summit he says it's all in my head but then his actions don't speak louder if that makes sense.

OP posts:
Gilda152 · 13/12/2021 21:43

Look two things can be true at the same time. He can be immature and shit and communication as well as being amazing in other ways. I hate with a passion the black and white comments on MN which in no way reflect real life. It's just such bullshit. Anyway, it's the good bits that make it hard to leave because of the bad bits right. Unfortunately being shit at communication and unwilling to work on it is just a recipe for a hard time for a lifetime. That's the crappy truth.

Gempeatea · 13/12/2021 21:44

Okay so I get this, my ex was all fun and games until I called him out on some of his behaviour, which is what happens in the adult world, some things in let slid which I shouldn't have done and in the end it was my gut I had to listen to x

You can be blinded by love, it makes us discount the red flags and maybe avoid those difficult conversions however a man worth his salt will not shy away from them and certainly won't manipulate.

He could, just playing devils advocate, struggle with communicating so his go to is to avoid conflict/criticism or however he perceives the situation at all costs...but that's his issue and not yours x

At the end of the day communication is key within a relationship, feeling heard and validated is so important it's the foundation of this.

androiduser · 13/12/2021 21:44

@cloudsandrain21

Emotional topics any thing he do best want to face. He plays victim a lot. I have called him out on emotional abuse. If I ask him summit he says it's all in my head but then his actions don't speak louder if that makes sense.

Sounds like gaslighting to me.