I have never felt so low :( my heart is hurting x

[ZoeSxx]

Hello guys,
Not sure why I'm here really.
Just to vent I suppose.

I'd been with my partner just over 5 years. He wasn't a very good partner. . We have a 3 year older son between us and we both have children from previous relationships.

He's quite a selfish person. He never moved in with us permanently. Although he was here every day/night he wouldn't go on the tenancy etc. It was clear he didn't want ties.
It killed me.

Anyway....... here's my big question I would like opinions on...

When I was pregnant I never met his family he wouldn't let me (crazy) I then gave birth to our boy and it took him 3 months to invite us to go meet his family.
We went a few times then it all stopped.
He goes to his families in Sunday's for dinner etc me and our son are never invited and me and the kids are left at home which is fine I'm not a cry baby but it's become more and more apparent we are not part of his life.
I started to feel like the nobody who brings the kids up at home.

Anyway .... for a while he's been very very cold.
I'm talking... when I go up to him and hug him he will roll his eyes and huff! Honestly it destroyed me. Sex was hit and miss aswel.
I kept asking him why and he said no reason.
I felt disgusting and ugly and awful and it sent me to a terrible place of frustration and depression.

He'd even say.. why are you so depressed all the time? And I'd say... because I'm worn out and tired and I don't even get a hug from my partner. You don't come near me.

Anyway... I woke up Friday morning and something just spoke to me in my head.. And guided me.
I'm not on social media but he is...

I found his Facebook and there is a woman who is a family friend and very close to his family it's actually his sisters best mate...
he has been liking every photo of her dressed up in going out dresses and heels. He has been commenting "you are so blessed" to photos of her dressed up etc.

I confronted him straight away.
First... I showed him a photo of her and I said.. do you think she is pretty? And he said who is it? I don't know her!

I said yes you do you've been liking all her photos and showed him the comments and he said oh yeah her.

She is there at his family events etc the ones I'm never invited to. He wrote happy birthday on her page with love hearts etc.

Look.. I know it doesn't mean they've slept together or whatever BUT he's made these comments and shown interest to other women all over social media for everyone to see whilst telling me he'd never show me because he likes a private life.

Nobody knows about me apart from his close family. If you looked at his Facebook he looks a single man. There's no trace of me or our son.

I've chucked him out.
2 weeks before Xmas.
The kids are sad. I'm sad. But I can't take the disrespect anymore. I'm so so low. It's took me all day to just clean the house and I've still got loads to do. I feel awful and horrible. Nobody to cry on.
I know he won't ask about our son now over Xmas and I've still got all the Xmas shopping to do alone.

I just feel so down xxxx

It wasn’t working
You’ve done the right thing
Make sure he pays maintenance for your shared child

P.s what hurts the most is that he won't accept my feelings. I said to him do you realise you've disrespected me and our relationship and treated me like a nobody?
And he says.. how have I?
And then he says "we'll fine then"

Honestly I feel like a piece of meat

Well done for tossing out the scumbag. Honestly, you have saved yourself years of pain. I don't know you, however, I am proud of you, and you should feel proud of yourself. You've freed yourself from further pain and by extension, your children also.

Think of it like an operation, it hurts now, but you will heal and get your life back.

Please don't take him back! Please! Xx

You did the right thing. Don't look back!

Zoe, you have taken a brave step and done absolutely the right thing. I am so sorry you ended up with this total tool. He is an absolute rotter. Make sure you get maintenance out of him and let him stay where he is, tossed out like the rubbish he is.

That's really hurtful for you, I'm sorry I think if you are waiting for him to say he's sorry and he's treated you badly, you may be in for a long wait. He doesn't want to be the bad guy, even if he is. In my experience, when it gets bad enough, being on your own is better. It was better for me, and my life improved enormously, once I got over it. I know it's a cliche, but it takes time. I've never regretted kicking his sorry a*se out for a moment.

Sadly some people cannot ever learn to care about us. I would stop trying to get him to understand how he hurt you, and focus on your own healing and moving on. He is not a partner or companion. You did the right thing sending him on his way. It will take time to heal but in time you will be so much better for it! I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this.

Oh boy, he sounds horrible. Very upsetting to really confront such a depressing fact. But you are not alone. I had children with a narcissist. It's a big club. The readjustment is tough but concentrate on tuning back in to yourself, what you want, what you like, what works for you. What is your agenda?

Being really naturally quickly aware of what you want out of life protects you from getting sucked in to these fuckwits orbits.

It does sound like you've made the right choice.

@ZoeSxx

P.s what hurts the most is that he won't accept my feelings. I said to him do you realise you've disrespected me and our relationship and treated me like a nobody? And he says.. how have I? And then he says "we'll fine then"

Honestly I feel like a piece of meat

You dont need him to back up your experience.

Your experience of this relationship was that you were disrespected.

You feel it. You know it.

Dont go to him pleading with him to understand. Dont expect him to approve your decision. He wont.

I have first hand experience here. I left my x but i didnt get free properly until i stopped trying to make him understand why i left.

Ridiculous now looking back on it but he had trained me to denigrate my own needs /opinion and be hyper aware of his needs and elevate his opinion.

So i guess it makes sense that my my feelings werent enough to convince me.

Dont fall in to that trap.

It hurts but it's the right thing for you. He was never fully committed to you and didn't give you the love and respect you deserve.

Well done. I guarantee your life will be better without him in it.

Move on. It will be hard but it's better in the long run. You will find someone who loves having you around and can't wait to introduce you to their family and move in with you! Don't settle. Take control.

Your life is on the up, I promise you !

Op you did right in letting him go. You and your child deserve better. It is pointless to carry on if you were not happy.

You feel like piece of meat because that’s how he’s treated you.
You, and your children, deserve so much more. You’ve taken the first step to freedom and with that comes happiness. You don’t need this man in your life to live it well. Start planning for the future, free from him xx

OP, you are no piece of meat, you are a queen for taking charge of a bullshit situation!

It’s completely understandable that you feel low right now, but every minute that you’re free of that loser will be time to heal, and rediscover your value. You sound like a lovely, caring, trusting person. Now be free to be that person again.

Oh well done! You have taken a very big step towards a much better life. Continue this journey and remember you are worth so, so much more than he can ever offer you.

Best Christmas present to you and your kids ever.

You haven't lost very much have you?

Massive relief.

New Year new start. Don't look back.

You know what has happened re his family and what you saw online. You don't need him to confirm this, apologise or explain in order to move on. He's clearly an empathy void and you've done exactly the right thing

@ZoeSxx

P.s what hurts the most is that he won't accept my feelings. I said to him do you realise you've disrespected me and our relationship and treated me like a nobody? And he says.. how have I? And then he says "we'll fine then"

Honestly I feel like a piece of meat

He sounds very similar to my STBXH. I've spent years being told by him that my feelings weren't valid, were wrong, were bad, I should just get over them. I've started counseling recently and when this comes up the psychologist has told me feelings are always valid. It makes sense, you feel how you feel, why wouldn't that be valid? But I'm still struggling to accept that. You're not the problem, he is. He is never going to be capable of accepting your feelings, if he was capable of accepting and considering your feelings you might not be where you are now

You have taught your children such a valuable lesson in self respect and how to treat others. You have given them a massive gift in showing them that it is better to be alone than with someone who is cruel and dismissive. They will grow up more confident and much kinder and respectful for it. Well done you. Treat yourself kindly over Christmas. 2022 is just round the corner.

Well done. Stay strong and don’t let him back.
What a twat.

You sound bloody amazing. You can do far better than him. It may feel rubbish right now but in the long run you will be so glad you got rid.