Self absorbed/child absorbed parents

[Dropcatchit]

What's the cause of it?
Since becoming a parent, I've really become aware of really self absorbed parents and it's impacting hugely on some of my friendships. Some friends, who are parents are completely and utterly absorbed in their own children as if no other children on earth exists.

My child and her friend have both had tummy bugs this week- both ill, both off school. I asked my friend how her son was and I get a huge commentary with absolutely no reciprocation of how my son is also and she knows he has it too- so I respond that mine is very similar and that we actually ended up at a&e with him as we thought he was dehydrated 2 nights ago. No acknowledgement of this whatsoever and another long winded message about her boy and no questions at all about mine.

Surely, it's common decency to show a bit of reciprocated care? I find it odd. I always ask about friend's children and genuinely care that they're ok. I have a few friends who are much the same, but also a handful who are just completely absorbed in their own children.

My SIL is much the same with my nephew and will talk about his milestones with zest, but if I contribute anything about my children, it's like I'm not talking. She once got my nephew to perform a song and we all clapped and cheered, my daughter then wanted to share a song she had learned at school and SIL got on her phone and began having a conversation half way though.

It's actually really infuriating me that some parents are literally so absorbed in their own children and can't see their rudeness and ignorance of other peoples. There must be a reason for it. I actually feel like my friend with the boy who has the tummy bug is purposely excluding my daughter from our exchanges and I really don't know why you would do that?

One night I was at a party and had a sudden realisation that I kept interrupting stories with a similar anecdote. Ever since then I've got so paranoid about it I really check myself when talking and try my best to nod and listen and ask questions rather than turn it round to me. I think the reason I used to do it was I was always so careful to make sure I was joining in that I sometimes got the verbal shits, I really wasn't self absorbed but probably came across that way. Much like I am now since my whole reply is about myself... as you were

I work with a lass like this
It’s all ‘my son,my son,my son’
She brings him in and we are meant to fawn all over him-her family do the same when they have him while she works
She ignores anyone else’s kids/hearing about them
It’s got to the point where we all walk away when she starts
My children are grown up now but hers won some award at school and I mentioned mine had won the same award but years ago
She glared at me and walked away!

Other mums rarely mention their kids-I do ask after them as I love kids-but I can’t bear 8 hours of her banging on about a perfectly normal child,that she seems to think is the next Jesus

Most people don't really care about minor things concerning kids, so just tell them a few things and stick to the major stuff.

I don't really understand people who announce and list how ill they are unless they are asking for help, advice. I mean I don't tell people about my kids /mine illnesses unless it is to explain why we can't do something or if I need help.

Some people are self absorbed, whether they are parents or not. I've stopped hanging out with those people. Some people are boring and have nothing more interesting to talk about than detailed accounts of their day. I've limited the time that I spend with them.

I remember bumping into a mum and child from my son's nursery at a soft play once. We sat together and chatted. Well, she chatted. I asked questions. That was it. No questions came my way at all. By the end I knew her entire life history plus everything about her child. And she knew my name. I find it odd because I'm genuine interested in other people. I'm pretty boring but she didn't even know that 🤣

@Mmmmdanone

I remember bumping into a mum and child from my son's nursery at a soft play once. We sat together and chatted. Well, she chatted. I asked questions. That was it. No questions came my way at all. By the end I knew her entire life history plus everything about her child. And she knew my name. I find it odd because I'm genuine interested in other people. I'm pretty boring but she didn't even know that 🤣

I have had this experience so, so many times. Mass community hall parties when my DC were nursery age and too young to drop and run were the main culprit but I can totally see how you suffered this at soft play as well.

I wouldn’t have continued asking Qs about themselves if this wasn’t reciprocated. With people like this have introduced new topics to see if can find something of mutual interest. If after one or two meetings find their ‘turn taking’ poor and/or that we don’t have interesting chat would avoid the person’s company.

I ended a friendship with someone who was probably completely unaware she was like this. She once joked that she kept interrupting me but couldn't stop it but that was just the tip of the iceberg really. She only ever asked me questions about my kids to promptly outdo my replies with stories about her own perfect child, she criticised school and other parents continuously and generally seemed to hate the world. She would show up for meetings in her own time and would always laugh and say 'I just couldn't get ready in time', she would take her child to school late as presumably she was pissed off that the school had the audacity to set a time that wasn't on her schedule to start. She was utterly self absorbed, judgemental and eventually I just had enough. I feel guilty as I also saw her as incredibly vulnerable and worry about the impact her behaviour would have been having on her child.

@Dozer

I wouldn’t have continued asking Qs about themselves if this wasn’t reciprocated. With people like this have introduced new topics to see if can find something of mutual interest. If after one or two meetings find their ‘turn taking’ poor and/or that we don’t have interesting chat would avoid the person’s company.

Yes, exactly. It rewards poor behaviour. Personally, I feel they would be improved by a small electric shock to remind them that conversations are a two-way street.

BIL rings up a monologues about his life, work, family, interests. Never asks ever about us.
His DC are much older and when I mentioned DD had taken her first steps his response… yeah my kids can walk. They’re teenagers.
He complained his mother never asked about things, they were exactly the same.

@Blueblossombush

I work with a lass like this It’s all ‘my son,my son,my son’ She brings him in and we are meant to fawn all over him-her family do the same when they have him while she works She ignores anyone else’s kids/hearing about them It’s got to the point where we all walk away when she starts My children are grown up now but hers won some award at school and I mentioned mine had won the same award but years ago She glared at me and walked away!

Other mums rarely mention their kids-I do ask after them as I love kids-but I can’t bear 8 hours of her banging on about a perfectly normal child,that she seems to think is the next Jesus

I actually feel sorry for her kid. I've seen parents put kids on a pedestal like this and they end up pretty damaged.

I confided in my what I thought was best friend this time last year after my child tried to end their life and was admitted to a mental health facility. She actually turned the conversation around to her own problems which amounted to her dastardly mother daring the buy her dd an expensive musical instrument and make her feel inferior. Ffs. I just abruptly walked away. People who care and want to be in your life will listen and reciprocate