How do I take positive steps after a break up?

[alwaysthesam]

exDP and I broke up 3 months ago, no children involved.

We broke up due to his drinking and self destructive behaviour following grief.

I have spent the last 3 months going out more than ever with other single friends. I have thrown up in my handbag, thrown up in a cab, feel the need to be out all of the time, i'm spending a fortune going out, haven't exercised once. I cry when I'm at home on my own hence keeping myself busy. I also am not eating much/never feel hungry, hence vomiting after a night out on the wine!

Help me, I don't want to deal with my break up in this way, i'm watching my ex fix himself and stop drinking and exercise more and I've gone completely the other way..,

any advice?

Hi OP, just bumping this one for you in the hope that someone will be able to help.

Honestly therapy was the biggest help for me. It allowed me to get my grief out in a healthy way and having a totally non biased person there to help work things out in my head was really beneficial.

Set your self goals that arent focused around booze. I joined an exercise class and started a hobby id always wanted to try. When i was exercising i started to sleep better and it helped me having a routine.

Small little self care acts everyday add up, especially if its something you felt your partner prevented you from doing or enjoying. One of the first things I did in the aftermath of my marriage breakdown was get all new bedding and an electric blanket (exh was always too hot and couldnt stand an electric blanket)

You wont feel this way forever, you've done the brave thing here, walking away from soemone who wasnt treating you properly. Now its about looking at whats going to bring you long term happiness. Only you know what that is and once this initial period of sadness passes you can start focusing on yourself.

stop watching your ex

the best thing you can do is go total no contact, it will definitely help you to move on.

Go easy on yourself. What your doing is a normal response to a break up.

Busy yourself with different activities, get yourself a hobby. Gym, yoga class, swimming, sauna. Read a new book
Sounds a bit lame but you need to focus on you
Self care is the best healer.
And the best tip of them all - do not follow on social media!!!

There’s nothing wrong with letting your hair down after a break-up! Please do not feel bad about this! You’ll look back and laugh about the wild times.

You’ve got to the point where it’s not fun anymore, that’s okay. Time for a new phase. It’s freezing outside anyway, a new year is coming.. have some cosy time and have a think about what you want to experience next. And do LOTS of self-care.

I know it hurts so much, but you need to go through all these horrible feelings to process what’s happened. Don’t hold back.

It will get better

Thanks for all the comments, especially those reassuring me this phase is normal!

I don't have any social media, deleted it over a year ago and have never looked back.

I saw him a few weeks ago to collect the last of my bits and it was all 'I've quit smoking, I've been in the gym 3 times a week, I haven't drank in weeks, I feel the best I've felt in years' and I was stood there the with make up on from the night before, felt like total role reversal. I had my shit together when I was with him!

Thanks for all the words, think I might try therapy, yoga and an electric blanket!!

He wasn't exactly going to come round and tell you he was ruined, was he. He's put a nice gloss on things.

His experience of your break up isn't important.

Look to yourself. Imagine what your life would look like if it was going brilliantly. How would you spend your time? Who with? What would you be doing that you don't do now? What do people do that you really really respect? What do admirable people do?

Do those things. Even if you just do one of those things, for 5 minutes, each day, you'll start to feel more and more self respect. Even if you can't afford to do some of the things, just researching and planning them for the future will help.

On the subject of electric blankets, get an electric throw as well, for on the sofa. Absolutely heavenly, and you sound like you could do with a bit of heaven