MIL really jealous and mine and my son relationship

[mailpal]

My MIL has always been overbearing and controlling but since having our son she has gotten worse. Me and my son are very close, he is 3 years and makes it clear more often than not that he wants me to hold his hand and walk with or he calls for me when she is spending time with him. He recently said she shouted at him, I don't know that she did but she interferes and controls his environment a bit much which he doesn't like..

I've been a stay at home mother to him for the past 3 years. She isn't very maternal and he senses this. He is really into my mum, his nana a lot and again she hates this..

She literally follows him around to a point where he says 'go away'

What do I do..? She wants more and more time and he gets stressed.. I've told my husband to speak with her and tell her to let him breathe a bit..

She comes over to stay for the night once every 2-3weeks.. too much!

She watches and checks over everything I do.. it's really annoying.. I try turn a blind eye to it..

Any suggestions for managing this?

Thanks x

I'd still like my own mother to stay but how can I if I say overnight stays stop to MiL. Also, DH excuse is his mum gets the train down for an hour (she doesn't drive) so needs to stay overnight.

He goes for a nap as do I, I wouldn't have much to say or any desire to entertain her, it's awkward being in the same room most of the time

Her judging my every move as a mother is my issue, it's not a nice feeling to be micro managed in your own home.

Also she has massive anxiety doesn't like DS getting messy/muddy or having fun tea that's why I take issue with leaving them alone.

My DS was never receptive to her as a baby she never cuddled him but would watch every move I made..

She's very odd and you're right I don't like her much at all. Neither does she like me.

It’s a problem and I sympathise but your DH should be dealing with these visits. Goodbye nap time!

He needs to be on duty 100% when his mother visits and you will do the same when your mother visits.

If he doesn't step up, take the baby out of the house and leave them to it.

Tell him you have no wish to be around his mother and her judgement, full stop.

He either steps up with HIS mother when she visits or you will remove your child and head off.

Tell him to go to her home and visit her.

This is his fault.

Stand up for yourself.

All these people saying 'be kind' and that they feel sorry for your MIL have clearly never experienced a toxic family member. Her behaving differently when your DH is out of sight, your DH making himself scarce when she is visiting....these sound very familiar to me. My MIL has this impact on our family life. All I will say is, put your boundaries up. We have had too many special occasions ruined by MIL's presence. Christmas, birthdays, christenings. All marred by the atmosphere you could cut with a knife and my DH 'checking out' when she is here. My eldest is now 12, it has taken me 12 years to put my foot down and say I'm not willing to ruin any more precious family time by having her in our home.