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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Struggling to Cope

35 replies

JamesKG · 05/12/2021 22:55

My girlfriend and I broke up two weeks ago. To say it was a surprise would be an understatement. I genuinely thought we were set for life until the moment she left. Sorry this message will be long but also very baffling for anyone who reads it I would imagine. I would really appreciate it if people did read it then replied as I'm at a total loss.

Before I get into all that a little about her past as I feel it's important. Two years ago her husband told her he didn't love her anymore and it was over. She had to move half way across the country to come back to her Mum with their then 1 year old child, leaving most of her possessions and her job behind. He left her with nothing, in financial ruin and she later found out he had been cheating on her with a girl half their age. She then spent a year living with her Mum (who suffers from depression) and toddler in a small two bed apartment in an area which wasn't very nice. Covid also hit around that time so she ended up depressed and taking strong medication which she still takes to this day. She may actually be feeling worse now as she's on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist.

Skip forward 8 months from her 7 year relationship break up and she meets me. Everything is great, we rush into things too quickly, although not thinking about it much at the time. Our first date was end of August 2020, we then moved in together at the start of February 2021. Everything is still amazing between us. We enjoy trips away, we very rarely argue and when we do, they're more like discussions which are sorted instantly. We have two kids who live with us, her now 3 year old toddler and my 9 year old daughter. They get on like brother and sister and love each other. I do everything for her, I'm a father figure to her son, I give her compliments every day and try my best for her always. In September of this year we move again after issues with the last house, now we're in a near perfect home for our budget, she loves it, I love it and the kids love it. She now has a job again after not being able to work due to some kind of order on her credit caused by her ex. Nothing could be better between us. Of course, her depression is still around and she has bouts of crying or feeling worthless, but I always try do my best for her. We seem to be set for life then one night, only two and a half months into living in our dream home together, she randomly tells me she's not happy, hasn't been happy for awhile and gets her brother to pick her up at 10pm, taking her 3 year old son with her and doesn't return.

Obviously I'm in complete shock. It makes no sense. There were no signs of this at all, there have been no issues between us, I haven't started treating her any differently and she hasn't been treating me any differently. Everything was perfect and she has walked away from it all. I can only put it down to her depression as there simply is no other logical explanation for it. That or we rushed into things, which also seems a logical explanation. She's been planning her future with me up to the day she left though. Telling my daughter we'd take her on holiday next year, making plans for her 40th in a years time, talking about our future, mortgage, holidays, etc. She also told me she loved me two days before leaving me.

So now fast forward two weeks and I'm still at a complete loss, especially with everything that has happened since. Ever since we broke up she's been very receptive whenever I've wanted to talk, which I have tried to keep to a minimum. Numerous occasions over these past two weeks she's told me how deeply she cares about me, how no one has loved or treated her as well as me and how none of this is my fault, how I did everything for her and didn't do a thing wrong. She's also said on numerous occasions how she wants us to stay in touch. If I'm all those things why has she left me!?

I stupidly went snooping for answers a few days ago and found out her ex husband, since finding out we broke up, has told her he wants to try again. The worst part is, she is actually considering it and has spoke to a friend about them maybe going to counseling. When I questioned her about it naturally I was the last person she wanted to talk to about the situation, but one thing she said that stood out was something about how she owes it to their son to try. Really? The guy who literally ruined her life, cheated on her and caused her depression in the first place maybe deserves a second chance, yet the guy, who in her own words, has been the best boyfriend they could be gets ditched? How am I supposed to make sense of that?

After finding out about her ex I asked her to pick up her stuff from our house. Until yesterday, two weeks after leaving, almost every she owns was still here. I also remove our relationship status from Facebook and change my photo back to just me. After I did that she deactivates her account. This was her decision though? Anyway, Saturday she picks up her stuff while I'm out, it would be too painful me being here. She agrees to me coming over when she's done though. So I turn up, say a few things to her about how much I love her, biggest mistake of her life, etc and we kiss, we hug, a proper hug where neither wanted to leave go and then she leaves. I also notice she has ripped out of a notepad a note I wrote her, she's took it with her. It just said about how I've packed a few things for her etc but why take it with her, a memento of the last thing I've wrote to her?

Anyway I thought that would be it, I'd leave her for a few weeks to give her space and see what happens after that. As I mentioned earlier though we have two kids, and my daughter is really upset missing the boy she sees as her little brother. This happens the same day my now ex girlfriend takes her things. I can't do this to my daughter anymore so I contact my ex, tell her that I had no intention of contacting her but my daughter is so desperate to see her son I can't just do nothing. My thoughts when contacting her were for my ex to maybe look after my daughter every so often so the kids could see each other. Maybe it's a stupid idea but I didn't know what else to do. I was feeling helpless and so bad for my daughter. The kids love each other and they've done nothing wrong. Anyway I contact my ex, tell her how my daughter is and ask what can we do and she immediately suggests the four of us meeting up next weekend, even suggests she would have the very next day if she wasn't busy. Really? She's suggesting the 4 of us meet up the very same day she leaves with all of her stuff from our house!? My head by this point is about to explode.

I really don't know what to make of this and it's tearing me apart. Firstly she leaves me out of nowhere when she finally has the stability in her life shes needed for so long. After leaving me she's still texting or speaking to me whenever I contact her, not once seemingly having any issues with us being in touch. She's hugging me every time I see her, telling me how much she cares for me, all the while possibly getting back with her cheating ex husband who ruined her life, while making plans to meet up with me and the kids like a happy family!?

Maybe she's being so nice as she feels really guilty due to me not doing anything wrong, she also feels really guilty towards my daughter who is also hurting. Maybe she's torn and doesn't know what she wants. I just don't know what to think, but I don't understand why she's now suggested us meeting up next weekend? That can't be a one time thing and she knows it, the kids will wants to see each other more and more. She also knows what that'll do to me if nothing comes of it. She also knows it's surely not possible to keep that up if we don't get back together. So what am I even supposed to make of not only this, but her behaviour as a whole over the past two weeks!?

OP posts:
Squeezyhug · 05/12/2021 23:39

Sorry you’re going through this. It does sound quite baffling.
All I can think is happening is perhaps the depression and her ill treatment at the hands of her ex has sent her into self destruct mode.

She sees the good of your relationship but doesn’t think she deserves it ? If you see what I mean?

Would she consider seeing a therapist ?

You sound like a lovely person.
You need to be able to move on though and my thoughts about the kids are that it may be more hurtful in the long run unless you two do get back together.
As you say, where will it end if you don’t get back with her? Flowers

Italiangreyhound · 05/12/2021 23:49

So sorry, this sounds really awful for you.

Pascal80 · 06/12/2021 03:17

Sorry to hear about this OP. It sounds terrible.

My opinion - you both rushed into this way to fast -she should have been getting herself settled after a bad marriage ending, not moving straight on to another man after 8 months. You met in August then moved in together in February - way too soon, especially when you both have children.

She sounds like a chaotic and damaged person with a whole lot of drama and unresolved problems. For God knows what reason, she is gravitating back to her ex but keeping you on a string, saying how great you are, hugging you etc. Manipulative, messed-up woman who is going to use you however she wants for however long you tolerate it. Quite cruel isn't it? My advice would be to end it properly and have nothing more to do with her at all from now on, and whatever you do, don't agree to be "friends".

Explain to your child that it didn't work out and move on from this.
You sound like a lovely man but you rushed into this with a woman who is a car crash. Ask yourself why you did this and how you can prevent it in the future and be more selective and careful. Just my opinion based on what you have said. No offence.

lisaandalan · 06/12/2021 03:46

Sorry Op, I do think her husband contacted her long before you knew about it and not just when you went around. She stupidly thinks that she should forgive her cheating husband for the sake of their child.
She should only forgive him if she wants to not for the child, she won't be happy. I hope whatever happens you yourself end up happy. X

leafe · 06/12/2021 03:55

My first reaction to your situation is that you need to protect yourself and your daughter. Events like this can have very deep long lasting effects on you both. Your ex has her own issues and you and your daughter will end up with some to now. To try to minimise the damage I think you need a complete full time break. I know you don't want that. She obviously wasn't genuinely happy with the life you had built together. That's no reflection on you so don't let that bother you. It was all an act and you will never trust her again. Realistically she can't keep coming in and out of your life ripping you to shreds each time. She chose to leave. Let her go, live by her own decisions. This limbo situation is damaging you and your daughter. Is it really worth that? It will take time for you to repair but you can do it. The life you dream of and deserve is out there, with a person who will give you their all and mean it. Stay strong.

JamesKG · 06/12/2021 09:26

Thank you all for your responses and kind words, I appreciate it.

Most of you are saying I should move on, clean break, etc, as always that is easier said than done. I'm just not ready for that yet. I'm still in a mood where I'm almost waiting for her to snap out of it, realise what she's doing is stupid and come back to me. She only moved her stuff out on Saturday at my request, who knows how long she would have actually kept it here. Yesterday was perhaps the first full day it would have felt more real for her, so I feel the next few weeks may be the best time for her to realise her mistakes and regret them, if it were to happen at all. I know there's a good chance nothing will change, but I'd prefer to put myself through another month of agony for a small chance, rather than cut all ties instantly for no chance, if that makes sense.

A lot of you also said cut ties for my daughter but that's also a really difficult situation. My daughter has been through so much with her Mum, who has severe mental health issues. It got to a point where she's not capable of looking after our daughter anymore so she moved in with me. She moved into a family home, a brother she loves and now it's all been taken away from her. After all that how could I possibly tell her she can no longer see the little boy she sees as her brother? None of this is her fault, and as much as it would hurt me I still feel that I want to come up with a solution so the kids can see each other.

Squeezyhug - I think she's self destructing as well, I just hope she sees that before it's too late. She's also already on a waiting list to see a therapist.

lisaandalan - I get why you would think the husband contacted her way before hand, I've went over that in my head so many times as well. Without going into a massive explanation I feel fairly confident that didn't happen.

Added to all that is the small matter of the house we moved into together in September. The house she knows I would struggle to afford on my own yet 2 1/2 months after moving she's left me to do just that.

Honestly I just wish I hated her right now but I just can't, she means everything to me. Up until the moment she left I genuinely thought we were set for life and was so convinced she felt the same. I know relationships end all the time but this time it literally makes no sense. I gave her everything, the life she wanted, all the love, care and support she could need. Our relationship was so good, our lives were so good, yet she's thrown all that away, left me and my daughter devastated and left me in a home I likely can't afford on my own.

And for what? To live back with her mentally unstable Mum in a small apartment in a bad area, to potentially get back into a relationship with a broken man who moves from job to job, house to house, woman to woman, who has sold her possessions to make money, who has cheated on her, who left her in financial ruin and left her with depression.

How am I possibly able to just accept that and move on with life?

OP posts:
Squeezyhug · 06/12/2021 13:43

@JamesKG
“Honestly I just wish I hated her right now but I just can't, she means everything to me“

You could benefit from therapy too perhaps if you feel you can’t move on from someone who’s treated you and your daughter badly.

Your daughter needs stability and she should be your priority right now.
This woman, for whatever her reasons, is offering you and your daughter the crumbs of her affection.
Even if the kids see eachother, how long will the contact last. Your daughter is at risk of more emotional damage.
I know it’s easier said than done, but so you can move on, you need to cut ties now.
Your daughter can recover from this. She shouldn’t have to endure this emotional roller coaster and neither should you.

JamesKG · 06/12/2021 14:08

[quote Squeezyhug]@JamesKG
“Honestly I just wish I hated her right now but I just can't, she means everything to me“

You could benefit from therapy too perhaps if you feel you can’t move on from someone who’s treated you and your daughter badly.

Your daughter needs stability and she should be your priority right now.
This woman, for whatever her reasons, is offering you and your daughter the crumbs of her affection.
Even if the kids see eachother, how long will the contact last. Your daughter is at risk of more emotional damage.
I know it’s easier said than done, but so you can move on, you need to cut ties now.
Your daughter can recover from this. She shouldn’t have to endure this emotional roller coaster and neither should you.[/quote]
I totally understand what you're saying and I know you're right, however, to me I feel it's too soon to simply move on. If you feel you're going to spend the rest of your life with someone, everything is perfect, then suddenly it ends when you know they are emotionally damaged/depressed, do you really simply give up on them after two weeks, and only two days after they've moved their stuff out? I just feel giving up after two weeks on what could be the rest of my life is too soon.

Part of the reason I feel it's too soon as well is due to her behaviour towards me. This isn't a woman who is trying to cut ties, of course I wouldn't keep pestering her, that's the last thing I want to do, but I feel I could contact her at any time and she would respond, in the same manner as always and with the same two kisses on every text. This is a woman who in the last week has told me she "deeply cares" for me, who I've seen twice, both time she looked in turmoil, both times she gave me a hug, the first time at her request, and when I seen her on Saturday kissed me when I asked. This is the same woman who has arranged for us all to meet up at the weekend, I didn't ask her to, I simply said my daughter was missing her son and what could we do.

Of course, the reasons she is acting that way may be quite selfish, even if she doesn't mean them to be. She may simply feel so guilty that she feels the need to be extra nice to me, but can anyone say for certain that is 100% the reason she is doing this? I know her as well as anyone and I have no idea. If it wasn't for her depression things would be a lot clearer to me.

Concerning my daughter, I always put on a brave face for her, she doesn't see the daily tears, my inner turmoil, she just sees me getting on with life. I've not told her we're planning on meeting up with my ex and her son, I've simply told her we'll try sort something out.

Some of you may agree, others may think I'm stupid, but my plan for now is to meet up on Saturday, see how she is with me. Towards the end I'll suggest meeting up again soon, once again judging her reaction. If it happens a second time then afterwards I'll bring all this up, ask where this is going, if there is still a chance for us. If she says yes great, if she says no and that it was purely for the kids it will of course hurt, badly, but I'll be glad I at least tried. I would then try come up with a solution so the kids could see each other without me seeing her.

Maybe it isn't the best plan, but if I simply give up now I'll regret it for a very long time.

OP posts:
ErickBroch · 06/12/2021 14:17

OP I feel sorry for you but I think the reality is she did not have the same feelings for you as you did for her. It is not about you doing anything wrong or being a good partner, sometimes the emotions just aren't there and she didn't feel strongly enough. Sounds like it moved very quickly after a heartbreak and her marriage collapsing, and as the dust settled she realised it was a mistake. That makes it no less hurtful for you, but I don't think her actions are baffling as I can see how it may have happened.

Suggesting she looks after your daughter is silly. In the grand scheme of things you really were only in each other's lives for less than 18 months, your daughter is young and will move on. You need to completely cut ties.

1Ta1T · 06/12/2021 14:20

Frankly, who knows what is going on - except her perhaps, although it sounds as if she is not that sure either. So I suggest you don't burn yourself up over that.

I also don't think you are ready to give up on this...which I tend to agree with because it does sound as if it has been good and this whole thing might simply be something she has to work through.

So I suggest that for the time being:

1 You try as best you can to be a kind patient human being.
2 Without becoming over-bearing or clingy, you make sure she knows how much you love her and her child.
3 You make it clear that you are there for her as and when she needs it, but also will give her space if that is what she needs.
4 You ask her to work together to deal with the feelings your daughter is having, and offer to do the same with her son.

And you keep your fingers very crossed.

Tittyfilarious81 · 06/12/2021 14:28

@JamesKG Hi op I mean what I'm going to say kindly, but is there a chance that she wants to give it another go with her husband and at the same time keep you interested so if it doesn't work out she can come back to you . You sound like this woman means the world to you and you would take her back if she changed her mind and from your posts about how you treat her she knows it too . The reason I say this is that it happened with my good friend and a woman he adored and it was so painful for him to be strung along always waiting and not wanting to give up .

JamesKG · 06/12/2021 14:39

ErickBroch - Thanks for your reply. I think if she wasn't suffering from depression like I know she is then I would agree with you. This is a woman who I believe is not in her right mind, who is making rash decisions which don't tally up with the person I know her to be. This is a woman who, on the night she left, told me she'd never hurt herself but she feels like she wants to die. She told me she has two voices in her head, one constantly telling her she's stupid and to stay, another telling her to go. She also mentioned how she's afraid of losing everything. This all points to her depression to me. Perhaps I'm clutching at straws, but without her mental health issues being a major part of the picture things would be a lot clearer.

all1Ta1T - Thanks, that's exactly where I'm at right now. Giving her space, meeting up at her suggestion and hoping it goes from there. If it doesn't I tried at least.

allTittyfilarious81 - Thanks for your reply. There's always that chance but I'd like to think she wouldn't do that to me, and not just me my daughter who she cares about.

OP posts:
ErickBroch · 06/12/2021 15:00

I want to feel sorry for you, but if you keep going on about her depression in the way you are I feel less so. Depression does not make her less of a person or know her mind any less. I think she was unhappy and moving in together was rushed. Again, this is hurtful for you! But it doesn't mean it's due to her depression, it just sounds like things moved too quick and she doesn't feel how she should. She clearly is still in love with her ex, who hurt her badly. They didn't split because she didn't love him, they split because he hurt her.

Bexxe · 06/12/2021 15:13

Oh OP, i am sorry to hear this.

I don't think you should be thinking about 'moving on' as such yet, but you certainly need to start accepting that she is not there anymore, and as painful as it is - she may never come back.

I know that feeling, of reading into situations and hoping for the best possible outcome, but the facts remain - she has left. She has chosen to end the relationship. And she has told you she needs to give it a shot with her ExH for the sake of her son.
Being in an abusive relationship is always very complicated, and they manage to get under your skin in a way you can't imagine unless you have lived it.
From what i gather, she never wanted to seperate from her EXH - it was his choice. By the sounds of it, she never really got over it. She moved on with you, very quickly, because it felt safe and comfortable. But now EXH is interested again, i am assuming her feelings have resurfaced.

The thing to remember here, is that you have done nothing wrong by the sounds of it. You are just not him. She may very well love you, but not as much as she believes she loes EXH.No matter how much of a lying, cheating manipulative arsehole the EXH is, some bonds go deeper than you can understand unless you have lived them.

Say she has another moment, comes running back to you and say's she now wants to be with you - How would you cope with that?
Could you handle the uncertainty of her changing her mind again? Can you accept that your relationship will never be the same as it was before, you would have to build a new one where she would need to prove her love and loyalty to you. - Do you think she is capable of doing that?

I say this with as much love as i can, but you need to severe ties.
I appreciate what you are saying about your daughter - but this is a fact of life when blended familys live together.
It is not feesable to continue contact with a EX girlfriend of 8 months for the forseeable. Mainly because

  1. If EX gets back with EXH - do you really think EXH is going to allow these visits? - And will you even want to see her knowing she is back with him?
  2. Enough time passes for you to meet someone new, how will you explain you meet up with your EX girlfriend of 8 months to visit her son even though there is no relation.

You are delaying the inevitiable and (again, said with as much love as possible) i believe a part of you is using it as an excuse to see EX gf and stay in contact. That's not healthy. For you, or your daughter.
Comfort your daughter, wipe away her tears and use this experience to teach her about relationships.

You dont know what the future holds, and if you want to keep your heart open then do so. But for now, you need to act and think like this is the end, for both you and your daughter. The longer you drag it out, the worse it hurts.

I really wish you the best OP, i can feel that gut wrenching feeling for you x

Tittyfilarious81 · 06/12/2021 16:20

@Bexxe

Oh OP, i am sorry to hear this.

I don't think you should be thinking about 'moving on' as such yet, but you certainly need to start accepting that she is not there anymore, and as painful as it is - she may never come back.

I know that feeling, of reading into situations and hoping for the best possible outcome, but the facts remain - she has left. She has chosen to end the relationship. And she has told you she needs to give it a shot with her ExH for the sake of her son.
Being in an abusive relationship is always very complicated, and they manage to get under your skin in a way you can't imagine unless you have lived it.
From what i gather, she never wanted to seperate from her EXH - it was his choice. By the sounds of it, she never really got over it. She moved on with you, very quickly, because it felt safe and comfortable. But now EXH is interested again, i am assuming her feelings have resurfaced.

The thing to remember here, is that you have done nothing wrong by the sounds of it. You are just not him. She may very well love you, but not as much as she believes she loes EXH.No matter how much of a lying, cheating manipulative arsehole the EXH is, some bonds go deeper than you can understand unless you have lived them.

Say she has another moment, comes running back to you and say's she now wants to be with you - How would you cope with that?
Could you handle the uncertainty of her changing her mind again? Can you accept that your relationship will never be the same as it was before, you would have to build a new one where she would need to prove her love and loyalty to you. - Do you think she is capable of doing that?

I say this with as much love as i can, but you need to severe ties.
I appreciate what you are saying about your daughter - but this is a fact of life when blended familys live together.
It is not feesable to continue contact with a EX girlfriend of 8 months for the forseeable. Mainly because

  1. If EX gets back with EXH - do you really think EXH is going to allow these visits? - And will you even want to see her knowing she is back with him?
  2. Enough time passes for you to meet someone new, how will you explain you meet up with your EX girlfriend of 8 months to visit her son even though there is no relation.

You are delaying the inevitiable and (again, said with as much love as possible) i believe a part of you is using it as an excuse to see EX gf and stay in contact. That's not healthy. For you, or your daughter.
Comfort your daughter, wipe away her tears and use this experience to teach her about relationships.

You dont know what the future holds, and if you want to keep your heart open then do so. But for now, you need to act and think like this is the end, for both you and your daughter. The longer you drag it out, the worse it hurts.

I really wish you the best OP, i can feel that gut wrenching feeling for you x

@Bexxe this puts what I was thinking into words really well
JamesKG · 06/12/2021 16:41

Thanks again for your replies. Not sure where you got 8 months from Bexxe but we were together for 15 months. Not a massive amount of time I know, but we were planning on future together, and this wasn't one sided. Within the last two weeks before she left she's initiated conversations about our future, such as requesting I wait to get a vasectomy until she's 40 (just under a years time) as by then she'll know for sure she doesn't want anymore kids. She told my daughter literally days before she left that we would take her to Disney World in a couple of years time. We've spoke about the mortgage we were planning to save for in January, the car we were planning to buy in the summer. I could go on, I was no fling or stop gap while she waited for her husband, this was the real deal on both sides.

I respect though that what I'm asking from strangers is impossible. You don't know know her and you don't know our relationship, all you know is the few paragraphs I've wrote on here. In that regard you could argue all of my posts here are pointless. In a way I suppose they are, however, it does help me to type out my feelings rather than bottling them up.

I'm thankful for everyone who has posted on here though. I'm going to text my ex tomorrow about what the plans are for this weekend, I suppose after that I may have a better idea of how to proceed moving forward.

OP posts:
SarahDarah · 06/12/2021 17:03

OP there are COUNTLESS of women looking for a kind, lovely men. Please do not waste yourself on a woman who does not appreciate you and will only give you grief. Her issues are not your responsibility, only she can work through them when she's ready and she has to want to do it for herself. Damaged people can be very manipulative (often unconsciously).

Find someone who actually will reciprocate with the love you deserve. It'll be worth you having therapy yourself to help you not choose a woman like your ex again. Cut off completely from her otherwise she'll end up ruining your life and hurting your children's feelings.

leafe · 06/12/2021 17:14

So if she came back to you tomorrow you think everything would be ok?

She left for a reason and has probably gone back to her ex. Don't be the 2nd choice. Of course you can't turn your feelings off, it takes time for it to sink in. The reality is she has moved on. My son and his partner broke up 2 weeks ago and he is struggling to accept it is actually over. He's doing something similar saying he will give her another week in case she changes her mind. You don't mistakenly break up with someone then change your mind and come running back. Surely you wouldn't want her back knowing she's not fully committed to you? How could you live like that? It's tough I know but you are prolonging your agony. Your first step forward is accepting that she doesn't feel the way you thought she did. This relationship is over. Take time for yourself and your little girl. Concentrate on her. Next time take things slowly (I know Covid probably rushed you and your ex together) I wish you both the very best.

Pascal80 · 06/12/2021 18:14

You rode in and rescued her from her crap life like a White Knight on a charger. You are going to be very seriously hurt if you don't take full control of this situation and responsibility in choosing this particular woman. You have bitten off way more than you can chew here - she is not the person you thought she was in your happy ever after scenario.

Tittyfilarious81 · 06/12/2021 18:18

@JamesKG

respect though that what I'm asking from strangers is impossible. You don't know know her and you don't know our relationship, all you know is the few paragraphs I've wrote on here. In that regard you could argue all of my posts here are pointless. In a way I suppose they are, however, it does help me to type out my feelings rather than bottling them up.

That's the thing though op because we go off what you write down we can see it differently to you and hopefully offer you a different perspective on this to consider. Im sorry if I've missed it in your posts but what exactly is the reason she has given you for leaving ?

JamesKG · 07/12/2021 07:48

[quote Tittyfilarious81]@JamesKG

respect though that what I'm asking from strangers is impossible. You don't know know her and you don't know our relationship, all you know is the few paragraphs I've wrote on here. In that regard you could argue all of my posts here are pointless. In a way I suppose they are, however, it does help me to type out my feelings rather than bottling them up.

That's the thing though op because we go off what you write down we can see it differently to you and hopefully offer you a different perspective on this to consider. Im sorry if I've missed it in your posts but what exactly is the reason she has given you for leaving ?[/quote]
She basically said she hadn't been happy for a while but she doesn't know why. She said she has two voices in her head, one saying everything is great so don't be stupid, and another telling her to leave. Within the same conversation on the night she left she also said lots of random things like how she worries about how she is with me all the time, how I deserve so much better, etc and it eats away at her. She briefly said she's afraid of losing everything and also said sometimes she just feels like she wants to die and she doesn't know why.

While breaking up with me she didn't have a single bad thing to say about me or our relationship...

OP posts:
JamesKG · 07/12/2021 07:55

Can we not edit messages? I want to add something to that but I can't see how. Anyway another thing I didn't quite understand about her behaviour while we were together was how she'd almost always deflect the blame for something going wrong onto herself.

I'm not going to lie and say we never argued, everyone argues, although ours were always more like heated conversations than arguments. Anyway once I did something pretty bad to her then immediately regretted it. I was very apologetic about it and wanted her to know it would never happen again. Her response totally baffled me. Instead of storming out the room, not speaking to me, etc she was actually apologising to me. She was saying she must have led me to behave like that so she has to take the blame and how sorry she was. She didn't do anything wrong though, I made a mistake, yet she's the one apologising to me!? It's like she thinks so little of herself that even when I messed up it was her fault. If that's how she is all the time at the moment then any relationship must surely take a massive toll on her?

OP posts:
Tittyfilarious81 · 07/12/2021 08:08

@JamesKG

Can we not edit messages? I want to add something to that but I can't see how. Anyway another thing I didn't quite understand about her behaviour while we were together was how she'd almost always deflect the blame for something going wrong onto herself.

I'm not going to lie and say we never argued, everyone argues, although ours were always more like heated conversations than arguments. Anyway once I did something pretty bad to her then immediately regretted it. I was very apologetic about it and wanted her to know it would never happen again. Her response totally baffled me. Instead of storming out the room, not speaking to me, etc she was actually apologising to me. She was saying she must have led me to behave like that so she has to take the blame and how sorry she was. She didn't do anything wrong though, I made a mistake, yet she's the one apologising to me!? It's like she thinks so little of herself that even when I messed up it was her fault. If that's how she is all the time at the moment then any relationship must surely take a massive toll on her?

@JamesKG This is a defensive behavior where she believes taking the blame herself will be safer than not doing so and yes I can see that for her that would make a relationship really quite draining . I won't ask what the bad thing was but that could very well have been the trigger that made her think that she can't carry on with you anymore as it's made her feel like she did in her previous relationship so she's broke up with you .
JamesKG · 07/12/2021 09:03

It could be although she said it wasn't, I don't know what to think anymore.

My problem is that I've always struggled to let go of people. I get incredibly attached and don't know how to handle it. I was in an on/off relationship over a period of 7 years despite it being obvious within 6 months she was no good for me. She even punched me in the face on two separate occasions. At the time I was thinking more like, well I'm 6ft 2 and she's only 5ft 7 and is pretty weak so it's not like it hurt, that doesn't mean it was acceptable though. I think my past relationship is also another reason I can't give up and move on. We split up and got back together so many times I've lost count, even once with a year break in-between. We would have got back together again as well if I hadn't finally decided to move on, about 6 years too late.

The past couple of days I've been trying to think of the positives of us not getting back together. She has a 3 year old son, and although I love him like he was my own he is hard work, we think he may have ADHD but he's too young to be diagnosed. We also rarely got a break from him, his dead beat dad used to only have him about once every few months. On top of that, as much as I would do anything to free her of her depression, it won't disappear overnight, and who knows how long it'll be with her, only putting a strain on me and our relationship. On top of all that, I now know her ex wants her back, and no matter if she decides she doesn't, she will still have to be in regular contact with him for their son. That will eat away at me.

All of that is still really difficult to focus on at the moment though, because at the end of the day we had such a good relationship and were planning our lives together, then overnight it's all gone.

OP posts:
Tittyfilarious81 · 07/12/2021 09:19

@JamesKG you sound like you've had it tough too over the years and so has she then the 2 of you got together and both had past trauma so I can see how the relationship moved quickly for you both . You've mentioned in your past relationship you split and got back together many times so that I think explains why you seem willing to keep hope alive that she may change her mind , but that's no good for you op ,if the ex is back on the scene she's probably confused over what she wants and so she's left you why she decides . It's up to you what you want to do but honestly I think it would be better for you to let her go as hard as that will be for you and your daughter I think it will be harder in the long run to just be waiting for her to decide what she wants it puts your life on hold and that's will be no good for you both.