My girlfriend and I broke up two weeks ago. To say it was a surprise would be an understatement. I genuinely thought we were set for life until the moment she left. Sorry this message will be long but also very baffling for anyone who reads it I would imagine. I would really appreciate it if people did read it then replied as I'm at a total loss.
Before I get into all that a little about her past as I feel it's important. Two years ago her husband told her he didn't love her anymore and it was over. She had to move half way across the country to come back to her Mum with their then 1 year old child, leaving most of her possessions and her job behind. He left her with nothing, in financial ruin and she later found out he had been cheating on her with a girl half their age. She then spent a year living with her Mum (who suffers from depression) and toddler in a small two bed apartment in an area which wasn't very nice. Covid also hit around that time so she ended up depressed and taking strong medication which she still takes to this day. She may actually be feeling worse now as she's on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist.
Skip forward 8 months from her 7 year relationship break up and she meets me. Everything is great, we rush into things too quickly, although not thinking about it much at the time. Our first date was end of August 2020, we then moved in together at the start of February 2021. Everything is still amazing between us. We enjoy trips away, we very rarely argue and when we do, they're more like discussions which are sorted instantly. We have two kids who live with us, her now 3 year old toddler and my 9 year old daughter. They get on like brother and sister and love each other. I do everything for her, I'm a father figure to her son, I give her compliments every day and try my best for her always. In September of this year we move again after issues with the last house, now we're in a near perfect home for our budget, she loves it, I love it and the kids love it. She now has a job again after not being able to work due to some kind of order on her credit caused by her ex. Nothing could be better between us. Of course, her depression is still around and she has bouts of crying or feeling worthless, but I always try do my best for her. We seem to be set for life then one night, only two and a half months into living in our dream home together, she randomly tells me she's not happy, hasn't been happy for awhile and gets her brother to pick her up at 10pm, taking her 3 year old son with her and doesn't return.
Obviously I'm in complete shock. It makes no sense. There were no signs of this at all, there have been no issues between us, I haven't started treating her any differently and she hasn't been treating me any differently. Everything was perfect and she has walked away from it all. I can only put it down to her depression as there simply is no other logical explanation for it. That or we rushed into things, which also seems a logical explanation. She's been planning her future with me up to the day she left though. Telling my daughter we'd take her on holiday next year, making plans for her 40th in a years time, talking about our future, mortgage, holidays, etc. She also told me she loved me two days before leaving me.
So now fast forward two weeks and I'm still at a complete loss, especially with everything that has happened since. Ever since we broke up she's been very receptive whenever I've wanted to talk, which I have tried to keep to a minimum. Numerous occasions over these past two weeks she's told me how deeply she cares about me, how no one has loved or treated her as well as me and how none of this is my fault, how I did everything for her and didn't do a thing wrong. She's also said on numerous occasions how she wants us to stay in touch. If I'm all those things why has she left me!?
I stupidly went snooping for answers a few days ago and found out her ex husband, since finding out we broke up, has told her he wants to try again. The worst part is, she is actually considering it and has spoke to a friend about them maybe going to counseling. When I questioned her about it naturally I was the last person she wanted to talk to about the situation, but one thing she said that stood out was something about how she owes it to their son to try. Really? The guy who literally ruined her life, cheated on her and caused her depression in the first place maybe deserves a second chance, yet the guy, who in her own words, has been the best boyfriend they could be gets ditched? How am I supposed to make sense of that?
After finding out about her ex I asked her to pick up her stuff from our house. Until yesterday, two weeks after leaving, almost every she owns was still here. I also remove our relationship status from Facebook and change my photo back to just me. After I did that she deactivates her account. This was her decision though? Anyway, Saturday she picks up her stuff while I'm out, it would be too painful me being here. She agrees to me coming over when she's done though. So I turn up, say a few things to her about how much I love her, biggest mistake of her life, etc and we kiss, we hug, a proper hug where neither wanted to leave go and then she leaves. I also notice she has ripped out of a notepad a note I wrote her, she's took it with her. It just said about how I've packed a few things for her etc but why take it with her, a memento of the last thing I've wrote to her?
Anyway I thought that would be it, I'd leave her for a few weeks to give her space and see what happens after that. As I mentioned earlier though we have two kids, and my daughter is really upset missing the boy she sees as her little brother. This happens the same day my now ex girlfriend takes her things. I can't do this to my daughter anymore so I contact my ex, tell her that I had no intention of contacting her but my daughter is so desperate to see her son I can't just do nothing. My thoughts when contacting her were for my ex to maybe look after my daughter every so often so the kids could see each other. Maybe it's a stupid idea but I didn't know what else to do. I was feeling helpless and so bad for my daughter. The kids love each other and they've done nothing wrong. Anyway I contact my ex, tell her how my daughter is and ask what can we do and she immediately suggests the four of us meeting up next weekend, even suggests she would have the very next day if she wasn't busy. Really? She's suggesting the 4 of us meet up the very same day she leaves with all of her stuff from our house!? My head by this point is about to explode.
I really don't know what to make of this and it's tearing me apart. Firstly she leaves me out of nowhere when she finally has the stability in her life shes needed for so long. After leaving me she's still texting or speaking to me whenever I contact her, not once seemingly having any issues with us being in touch. She's hugging me every time I see her, telling me how much she cares for me, all the while possibly getting back with her cheating ex husband who ruined her life, while making plans to meet up with me and the kids like a happy family!?
Maybe she's being so nice as she feels really guilty due to me not doing anything wrong, she also feels really guilty towards my daughter who is also hurting. Maybe she's torn and doesn't know what she wants. I just don't know what to think, but I don't understand why she's now suggested us meeting up next weekend? That can't be a one time thing and she knows it, the kids will wants to see each other more and more. She also knows what that'll do to me if nothing comes of it. She also knows it's surely not possible to keep that up if we don't get back together. So what am I even supposed to make of not only this, but her behaviour as a whole over the past two weeks!?