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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Christmas dinner alone

77 replies

Coconutstory · 05/12/2021 20:43

Not wanting sympathy or any pity.
I just wanted to know if other mums are doing it alone for Christmas dinner.
I left my ex husband 8 years ago. My parents have both died in the last three years.
I have two siblings but they do stuff with their family.
My kids are teens and will be with me Christmas eve and going to their Dads for Christmas dinner at lunchtime Christmas Day. Leaving me home alone for the afternoon / evening.
I’m not a great cook and really don’t fancy cooking Christmas dinner for one.
Last year my Dad was still alive and he went to my sisters. I was home alone.

I just feel I can’t really face this one alone as it’s the first without my Dad.
I contemplated going away for the night to a hotel or glamping just so I wasn’t in the house alone.
Don’t know what else to do really :/

OP posts:
Nov910 · 06/12/2021 21:55

@Tomanyhandbags sorry to hear you are feeling down. It’s a rough time when you’ve had a routine. I hope you have a lovely day doing what makes you feel happy.

Thanks for whoever posted this. I nearly did earlier but thought it may just make me feel worse. My partner after 5 yrs has now ghosted/given me silent treatment me for 22 days now, it’s crap. I’ll be spending the day with family but some of it I’ll be on my own for the first time ever..that’s hard. These posts have made me feel better and I hope others try and make it a nice chilled day!

Tomanyhandbags · 06/12/2021 22:33

Thank you very much for the kind wishes I have had today has been the worst day yet even had tablets lined up ready to take at one point.

Graphista · 07/12/2021 01:40

@Tomanyhandbags it won't always be this bad it will get better but it CAN'T get better if you're not here! Thanks

Maskless · 07/12/2021 02:46

This reply has been deleted

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Tomanyhandbags · 07/12/2021 09:01

Maskless that is a very unhelpful and spiteful comment that minimises and belittles the OP's feelings, it's not up to anyone to judge how someone should be feeling. The OP wouldn't choose to spend Christmas alone and will naturally be missing her children and imagining what they are doing and as such was asking for ways she can make her own day special for her. As worthy as volunteering on Christmas Day is it's not for everybody for various reasons and the OP may just need a day or two to be able to recharge her batteries ready to face another exhausting year as a single working mother. Christmas is about compassion so please show some.

Enough4me · 07/12/2021 13:32

@Tomanyhandbags your post was really thoughtful and sincere. I am sending you positive wishes as well as OP. Situations can change and can get better. Flowers

Tomanyhandbags · 07/12/2021 13:38

Thank you

GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow · 07/12/2021 14:29

I've done this a few times, I get myself lots of lovely food and drink.

The last time I did it, I watched a Star Wars marathon, time before that, I started to watch the marvel films in order. I had loads of snacks and nice treats c had beans in toast for tea.

My friend helped out at 'shelter' for the day one Xmas day, she said it was probably her best Xmas day she's ever had. Lots of people volunteer and it's a lovely atmosphere

Tomanyhandbags · 07/12/2021 16:57

An update for the people that have offered support I went to the Dr's today had a good chat, a bit of a cry, got lots of reassurance and am now on medication.

Nov910 · 07/12/2021 22:24

@Tomanyhandbags well done for speaking to someone and hopefully they will make you feel able to have a day that you can enjoy. Hugs

saraclara · 07/12/2021 22:35

@Tomanyhandbags

An update for the people that have offered support I went to the Dr's today had a good chat, a bit of a cry, got lots of reassurance and am now on medication.
Well done for getting yourself to the doctor. It's a big step, I know. All the best with the medication Flowers

(That's the first time I've ever done the flower thing, but you deserve it)

Enough4me · 07/12/2021 22:36

Good update @Tomanyhandbags, mental health is a vital part of overall health and most GPs seem supportive now. I hope you can find ways to build on wellbeing, in whatever way works best for you. Personally counselling helped me, but everyone's different.

Christmas shouldn't add as much pressure, but it's everywhere. Lights, decorations, radio music. We are bombarded by childhood stories of perfect days. It's no wonder it triggers a range of emotions.

I remember 13 years ago standing with my my DM & toddler in an overly Christmas themed garden centre suddenly crying because I'd should have been happily reaching 3mth pregnancy and telling my DD, but wasn't and had to have 6mth of tests as a molar pregnancy (I could have become ill). There have have been plenty of ups & downs since, and all fine at the moment, but Christmas triggers emotions and memories in lots of us and definitely adds pressure.

Tempnamelady · 07/12/2021 22:49

I am on my own for the first time ever, I’ve had the worse year of my life, break up of a 24 year marriage, a failed relationship , multiple house moves. I feel exhausted, sad and I am current in therapy , which mainly consists of me sobbing and then telling me it won’t be forever.
I’m dreading Xmas I really am. H and DS are going to the same friends we have been going to for years.I’ve had a few invites but don’t feel like inflicting my miserable self on anyone.I’ve cried probably 5 times a day since the start of December , I just feel like my life is utterly ruined and I can’t imagine ever feeling happy again.
Only the fact that I’m financially responsible for two homes and all the life admin , plus a senior demanding role which I need to be able to pay for it all gets me out of bed. If I could go to sleep and never wake up but no one would be sad or not ok for money then I would do that.
I’ve spent so much time on my own this year and I’ve found the transition from a busy family home with pets to just being in a rented house on my own utterly unbearable.Next year will be all about a probably vitriolic divorce and fighting over money, so can’t even say it’s going to be better.

Tomanyhandbags · 07/12/2021 22:51

When you reach rock bottom there are two choices and I've never been one to admit defeat. Christmas as such doesn't bother me but I don't know what to do with myself this year but today found a church that gives a Christmas meal to anyone on their own. Enough4Me hope you've had many good times since and not just at Christmas

bluetowers · 07/12/2021 22:53

Gosh. I think I'd love a lie in. Maybe church to remind me of being a child. Heating on. TV on. Blissful peace. I find Xmas very contrived. I'd probably dr

bluetowers · 07/12/2021 22:53

Dr

bluetowers · 07/12/2021 22:54

Drink wine, sleep and watch tv

Tomanyhandbags · 07/12/2021 22:55

Tempnamelady just hang on in there you don't know what next year will bring. Good fortune to all who feel despair or hopelessness

Enough4me · 07/12/2021 23:27

@Tempnamelady, after getting through a molar pregnancy, having another DC, my exH cheated on me while DC 9 & 5 (18yr together, divorced coming up to 6yr). It wasn't just the year after where things were bad with him, there were on going issues. He stayed with the OW so I was scared I'd lose my DCs. MN held me together at the time.

Here's the bigger truth though, freedom from being with a person who doesn't like you is a good thing. Yes there is stress, sadness, anger and grief, but after the crying there can be a point where you find you. What you like, what's important to you, meet new people and your ex is a PITA, but most of the time can be ignored. Expect Christmas to be tough, but also know situations can really change. I am happy with my partner (& now DCs are older ex is blocked so NC). It can get better!

bluetowers · 08/12/2021 07:34

@Tempnamelady sounds overwhelming for you. Can you take some time off work & try and find a way to break away mentally for a few days?

Tempnamelady · 08/12/2021 07:38

@bluetowers I was off last week, hated it. Lonely and nothing to do, didn’t want to go shopping and be around Xmas stuff. My work is incredibly busy but maybe that’s a good thing.
I just can’t imagine ever feeling happy again.

OhPeeQueue · 08/12/2021 07:43

The first year without parents is hard, especially when you’ve been caring for them too.

I’d make Christmas Eve your Christmas Day with your kids. Put on some music, make a small Christmas dinner and have fun.
Then Christmas Day I’d just lounge about. You’re not alone; use the time you have with your children to cheer up. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Keladrythesaviour · 08/12/2021 07:50

I'd definitely do cheese and wine, or an absolute favourite food of mine. Our on a film you love (doesn't have to be Christmassy!)or some music and a good book. Make it about what you want and something you willook forward to. Like pp have said you can always do 'christmas' on Christmas Eve, or at a later date with the kids. Use the day as a chance to put yourself first and enjoy your leisure time!

bluetowers · 08/12/2021 07:59

@Tempnamelady are there any hobbies & activities you enjoy or have the last 25 years just been too full of family & house responsibilities & work for you to enjoy outside activities ? It does sound like you'll need to explore other pursuits and find new things to enjoy. Divorce is like grieving for so many people & emotions can be similar. (I don't mean to be harsh but just how it feels).