Christmas dinner alone

[Coconutstory]

Not wanting sympathy or any pity.
I just wanted to know if other mums are doing it alone for Christmas dinner.
I left my ex husband 8 years ago. My parents have both died in the last three years.
I have two siblings but they do stuff with their family.
My kids are teens and will be with me Christmas eve and going to their Dads for Christmas dinner at lunchtime Christmas Day. Leaving me home alone for the afternoon / evening.
I’m not a great cook and really don’t fancy cooking Christmas dinner for one.
Last year my Dad was still alive and he went to my sisters. I was home alone.

I just feel I can’t really face this one alone as it’s the first without my Dad.
I contemplated going away for the night to a hotel or glamping just so I wasn’t in the house alone.
Don’t know what else to do really :/

Find somewhere to volunteer for the day. I've done it before and can assure you it was SO rewarding.

sorry for your loss OP 💐

You can volunteer at one of the many charities that provide help at Christmas. Just an idea.

I have spent Xmas day on my own before and it’s fine for me. My sons invited this year but it’s up to him, I’m fine on my own too.

I still like waking up on Xmas day, it always feels so special and peaceful.

I cook a full Xmas Turkey crown and a bucket full of roast potatoes and trimmings - but then I’m a greedy 🐷 and freeze plated meals 😆.

I like watching Xmas day tele. A Carry On film always cheers me up. Or I watch a film of my own! And it’s an excuse to drink champagne 🍾, eat Stilton on digestives and so on……

As a PP said, do whatever YOU enjoy!

I have spent many Xmases alone, usually my dd goes to her fathers house for the week of. I use that time to do my own thing. Indulge in foods I don’t normally eat. Binge watch tv shows. Read books I haven’t had a chance to get to. I always see it as just another day. When my dd was younger we would do Xmas after she returned which was usually around the new year.

I'm celebrating xmas with my kids on xmas eve as they'll be with their dad's on xmas day. I'm spending xmas day with my boyfriend but if I didnt have one then I would be happy to spend it chilling on my own or go to a friend's house.

Do whatever makes you happy but don't be made to feel bad.

Last year I worked on Christmas day (on coursework alone). My DCs were with their dad and partner caught up with family a distance away. I had a Christmas day a few days before with a bigger lunch, so just pretended Christmas was a regular coursework day. I think being busy helped as I didn't think about others, just what I needed to do. I'd spend time being busy OP, but also take some time relaxing afterwards with no interruptions.

I've had Xmas day solo when kids are at their dads and I agree with others it's been bliss. Sleep in, eat what you want... You don't have to cook a turkey dinner for one and sit there in a party hat, just enjoy having no prep and washing up or having to make perfect memories and all that bollocks. Rest and relax!

I've had Xmas day from 2pm on my own (and the days after) for the last decade because my kids go to their Dad's family. I've done lots of different variations over the years e.g.
Inviting other single friends round
Going away to a cottage on my own
Decorating
Coursework

The only thing to avoid is joining another family for Xmas- nothing more likely to make you feel miserable and a spare part! For me it's about having a plan. And also having something to say for when people ask how you spent the time. A breezy "I had a lovely peaceful time doing X" feels better. Even if it's not entirely true.

And on the day itself I've found that clearing up the house, washing up etc can get you from lunchtime to the evening very easily!

I hope you see from this post that you are not alone. And that people have been able to come to terms with an alternative Christmas.

I understand how you feel op. I will have my dcs at xmas but will be alone for nye. Im dreading it. Had put a fb shout out to any friends who were having parties/get togethers and was roundly ignored.
I hope you manage to have a nice day.

I think the glamping idea sounds fab if you can get a lovely place that has a heater and won't flood if it rains or anything. Just spend the day relaxing and looking at nature. Take some really nice cheese and cake and .

@MrsPnut

I’d eat exactly what I fancied, and ignore Christmas dinner convention. I’d probably have cheese and biscuits with a few glasses of wine.

This is my plan. Watch a movie I actually like, eat exactly what I want, have a glass of two of my favourite wine, have a long soak in the bath.

I know it’s always trotted out but I think in your position I’d keep busy by volunteering at a local xmas lunch or one of the big ones in a nearby city

You can get a whole Christmas dinner ready meal at M&S if you don’t want to cook. Not the same but my parents do that as they don’t cook any more.

See it as spending half a day on your own rather than the whole of Christmas as your children will be with you in the morning.

I would personally enjoy the peace and eat and drink lots but you can look into going away if that would make you feel better.

I to will be on my own this Christmas for the first time ever as i recently lost my husband due to covid and have no family at all, don't feel ready to volunteer anywhere and feel so alone and invisible as I am not old but didn't work due to being a full time carer for my husband this time of year has brought it home how alone I am no presents to buy or receive and made worse because we always loved Christmas and made it ours even getting married at Christmas time. Sorry to have posted this on someone else's thread but this is the first time I have acknowledged these feelings.

I have done Xmas on my own due to work travel etc.

In your shoes I would do Xmas dinner on Xmas Eve, or a celebratory dinner that you all love, crackers, candles etc.

Then a lovely breakfast and presents etc.

Probably I would then go for a long brisk walk, maybe drive somewhere nice. And take a lovely packed lunch (smoked salmon sandwiches or whatever), home for a nap / film / read. Steak and salad and some gorgeous ready made desert. Film / early night.

I can't believe none of your siblings invite you if they know you will be alone, i would never do that to my sister x

I think a hotel stay sounds lovely!

Honestly you're not alone in being alone at this time

Dinner wise you have options

1 have your favourite meal - especially good if this means something the kids can't/won't eat or appreciate

2 takeaway - loads of people do this there's usually somewhere open unless you're very rural

3 ready meal - you could get a "posh" one

4 cheats Xmas dinner - frozen food, jar of cranberry sauce, ready prepped veg etc you can buy ready peeled potatoes now!

5 - picnic style bits - cheap and cheerful or posh and indulgent a mix is probably ideal

I'm torn between veggie haggis. Pizza with all the trimmings (I've lost 1.5 stone this year mainly by NOT eating pizza 🍕) and Linda McCartney deep country pie with mash and beans!

In terms of keeping yourself occupied line up your favourite movies/tv shows/music you don't get to enjoy when kids are there

There's also Sarah Millicans Twitter thing "join in" which is lovely and funny and very positive

Volunteering might be an option

Have a chat on the phone to someone you don't normally get chance to have a proper blether with

Pamper session - long hot Bath, deep condition hair etc

I'm approaching 3rd Xmas alone for a number of reasons mainly health related I actually love it! No more crazily early wake up by dd, no present debris to tidy away, no dinner to organise, can eat, drink, watch, listen to and singalong to or do whatever I want! It's fab!

Do NOT watch Stepmom! Feel good movies only!

Yep!

I recommend bad moms Christmas instead!

Feel good movies or if you have a niche interest (sci if and time travel for me I'm planing to rewatch timeless and watch the Christmas finale on the day) indulge that

@Tomanyhandbags so sorry for your loss

Bless you TooManyHandbags
You aren’t the only one alone. Feel free to message on here!
I just feel a bit weird that everybody I know is doing family things and I’m not.
I’ve spent most of my last 5 years caring for my parents who have passed away and don’t have a lot of people I could call on.
I plan to keep busy and go glamping with my snacks :)
Thankyou for all the reassuring messages :)

You are certainly not alone, I have done several xmas' on my own and have got it down to a t. I am again alone this Christmas due to daughter working, parents passed, my brother is elsewhere and my partner with his daughter. I have had many invites from friends over but have chosen to spend it on my own. I make sure I have salmon ready for breakfast with bucks fizz chilled. M and S Christmas dinner and a mini Christmas pudding ready. Also the best bottle of wine for my budget too. I dress in my sloppy joes, find out what's on the tele and go for it. Believe me when I get asked what I am doing this Christmas and tell them my plans I cant tell you how many of my friends have quietly messaged me envious of my day. I dont live that far from London and am thinking of just jumping in the car early just to drive round the city to see the lights too. Being alone on this day is a state of mind....embrace it and you will have a wonderful day.

I'm sorry that I don't really have much advice, but I can relate. My siblings all have families and last year my wife spent Christmas at her Dad's having left before lockdown. I was meant to be seeing my parents, but when Covid struck they wanted to be on their own. My wife wanted to stay with her Dad so I was faced with the reality that I spent Christmas alone.

I'm only in my late 30s, but it was a very hard experience. Christmas was always a time of fun and family enjoyment for me and I thought I would be ok.. but I wasn't. A year on, and I have a lot of sympathy for those who are on their own.

I hope its ok for you, sounds like you have had loads of great advice. But also remember, its natural and somewhat expected to feel a bit alone I guess! (Sorry I am not very good at words)

Could you afford a spa? People do do that -

Otherwise I would plan a very relaxing day doing as much of the fun stuff as you can thinking of - food booze, Bath, films whatever. It might not be your ideal but you can enjoy it if you really plan it hour by hour.

Ignore the inevitable people suggesting you volunteer - for some reason half of mumsnet can’t conceive that it might be possible to prefer a non traditional Christmas to doing social good.

As a previous poster said, #joinin really is excellent. I’ve used it for a few years now.

There is a really heartbreaking thread on AIBU at the minute about the worst behaviour from an adult at Christmas. Really shows Christmas with family / company can be absolutely awful. You will see Christmas on your own in a new light.

Also second doing Christmas Day on Christmas Eve. We have often moved Christmas Day to 24th/26th to accommodate family who had to work on the day itself.