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Original poster

Do you think I’ll never hear from him again?

26 replies

Hrrrre · 05/12/2021 09:15

Just as the title says really. We had a great relationship. I got unwell for a week in hospital, he cared for me and then I came out and was still fragile for a week. A couple of weeks later things were back to normal but he was distant, said he’d found that week hard and now things were on top of him with work. I could see how, as he’d had to finish early a few days during that week I was unwell etc. But he’d also become vague with me it was really upsetting. I said I’d leave him to it and I loved him but he clearly needed to reflect on things.

It’s been a couple of months and I’ve not heard a thing from him. I am certain he hadn’t met someone in that time but I guess he could have done now. I can’t understand it. I never wanted a break up but don’t feel I can or should chase someone who cares this little. I loved him very very much though. Do you think it’s unlikely he will ever be in touch?

OP posts:
singleandlooking · 05/12/2021 09:16

How long had you been together?

It sounds like you’ve been ghosted tbh.

Original poster
Hrrrre · 05/12/2021 09:19

@singleandlooking just over a year. We were spending most nights together and talked about the future. So strange.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/12/2021 09:27

He is clearly not the man you thought he was and at the first sign of having to step up more with you he's off and never to be heard from again. I think you in time will come to think of this as a lucky escape from such a weak willed individual.

Original poster
Hrrrre · 05/12/2021 09:30

@AttilaTheMeerkat I hope so :( I never once thought he’d never speak to me again…not even to explain himself and how he was in that last week or so. I miss him a lot, we got on so well and I thought we were very in love.

OP posts:
Pieminster · 05/12/2021 09:31

He's not contacted you for a couple of months?

Obviously you've been binned and he didn't bother to let you know

Original poster
Hrrrre · 05/12/2021 09:37

@Pieminster well we’d had a chat where I said I couldn’t take him being distant and cold when I couldn’t see id done anything wrong. He probably thought that was easy as I’d broken us up for him. I don’t know.

I just don’t understand it. We were so happy.

OP posts:
Fatherliamdeliverance · 05/12/2021 09:40

How upsetting, I'm so sorry. How were things during that week? When you mention he'd had to come home early, were these emergencies/ him offering or do you think- asking with kindness- he thought that you might've been unnecessarily demanding (I know you were genuinely ill)?

I think after a year you'd be well within rights to contact him and ask what had happened, and if he is ok, from the perspective of it being over but wanting to leave the ends tied up. I've come to be not a great proponent of leaving yourself guessing for the sake of dignified silence. I think there are dignified ways of asking the questions.

Honestly though, I don't think he would have left it two months if he wanted to be with you. After a year, I don't think it's too much to ask to help someone out if they're unwell. He may send you a non- committal 'hi' or Christmas message, but if so, don't grasp onto this as a sign he's interested. Flowers

Original poster
Hrrrre · 05/12/2021 09:46

@Fatherliamdeliverance thanks. I did think about contacting him and asking if he was ok but I had spent the last couple of weeks of the relationship doing that. I was constantly asking if he was ok, how could I help etc etc. One evening I suggested getting a drink after work and he half heartedly agreed and then proceeded to sit in silence with me, staring into space. He didn’t finish his drink and I asked if he wanted to leave and he said he’d never wanted to come here with me anyway and I’d forced him. I had just been trying to cheer him up as he’d seemed so miserable. It was all really strange. We’d had such a great relationship before all this.

OP posts:
Fatherliamdeliverance · 05/12/2021 09:47

Ah I see. In that case, I think it's about accepting what he hasn't got the decency to say clearly.

Mammyloveswine · 05/12/2021 09:47

What a heartless bastard op!! I'd say you are well rid!!

Hope you are back to full health now!

supercali77 · 05/12/2021 09:49

That sounds really shitty. Maybe he hasn't 'met' someone but this is really disorienting behaviour particularly if you were talking about the future.if you reassured him you loved him before giving him some space it probably means he's gone. The only reason you'd ever need to speak to him would be if you thought there might be some honest clarity there. I hate to say it though, looking for the cure in the source of the poison is rarely useful. In my experience keeping your dignity and finding your own peace is usually the best way forward. Flowers

SortingItOut · 05/12/2021 09:52

I think you keep posting about him and the replies are always the same.

We don't know why he did it and I doubt he would tell you if you asked him.
Some men can't cope when their partners are ill and maybe it gave him a glimpse in to the future as we get old and sometimes ill.
I think he only wanted you when you were perfectly healthy and fun, he didn't want any of the heavy stuff.

As someone else said you need to remember you've had a lucky escape.

It might be worth getting some counselling to help you understand why you're fixated on needing to know the answers to your questions when its 99.9% likely you won't get them and to help you realise he is not coming back.

What is your life like generally? Do you have a job, hobbies, friends, family?
Try to stop worrying and thinking about him and make your life the best it can be.

Hen2018 · 05/12/2021 09:55

I’ve got strong deja vu from this thread.

JustThisLastLittleBit · 05/12/2021 09:58

How strange and upsetting for you OP! He has gone though, I’m sad to say. He just doesn’t sound like a grownup. He might pop up again but do you want that?

I think I’d be tempted to block him, delete messages and number, consign him to history. Sorry this has happened to you, if it’s any help I think it’s unusual: there are grownup men out there!

Onelifeonly · 05/12/2021 10:06

Let it go as he can't be what you want and you might not want to hear the explanation. I was crazy about a guy once - thought I was madly in love for 6 months or so. We arranged to go on holiday and I was so excited about it, but when I turned up at his place and he answered the door, I suddenly felt different. I can't really explain why - maybe something about being forced to be alone together for 2 weeks seemed overwhelming. We did go and it wasn't a great holiday - partly due to weather and location - and I felt so bad about the change in my feelings we stayed together for two more years and things did improve and we had some good times. But I never felt the heady excitement and the same conviction he was Mr Right again, and ultimately I broke up with him. I really wanted it to be right but the seeds of doubt had been sown. I probably should not have kept seeing him really, looking back.

GroovesintheHeart · 05/12/2021 14:00

You’ve posted about this before. It’s time to think about how you feel. Not ‘will he be in touch’ but ‘why am I ready to be treated so poorly again?’

It’s brutal but the relationship hasn’t worked. He wasn’t happy for whatever reason ~ it’s not important why or a reflection of how great you are.

Look forward. You have dodged a bullet.

TheFoundations · 05/12/2021 14:31

This is a person who treats you poorly and then blames you for it.

Do you want a relationship with a person like that? It's a yes or no question. Can you answer it?

singleandlooking · 05/12/2021 17:43

OP yep it definitely sounds like he’s dumped you and is too cowardly to tell you. It’s immature at best and downright cruel at worst. You can do so much better Flowers

pog100 · 05/12/2021 17:48

It is strange yes, so strange that I think you need to be glad he's gone, however hard that is

5128gap · 05/12/2021 19:23

You were happy, he was only happy in the good times and was out off when you needed support. I don't think you'll hear from him, but if you do, I hope you don't respond. Theres no shortage of men who are happy when life is good, so he's very replaceable.

5128gap · 05/12/2021 19:23

Put off.

samesign · 05/12/2021 19:49

Ex's can contact again but it's not normally a good thing, when they have no one else to focus on, the same issues will still be there. The relationship seemed one sided, that you wanted to spend time with him and he didn't want to be there. When you're unwell that is time you find out if you partner really cares about you.

I think the best thing is to focus just on yourself and assume you never will hear from him, when you go on to meet someone else that treats you much better you'll be glad he's an ex.

IamGusFring · 05/12/2021 21:39

You keep on posting about this ! Why ????🙄

ChaToilLeam · 05/12/2021 21:55

Draw a line under him, delete his number, block him on everything. He’s a louse and you can do better. Yes, it’s hurtful, but summon your dignity and move on.

Pascal80 · 05/12/2021 23:39

You have posted the same thing before haven't you? This is the guy who never wanted to go anywhere with you, wouldn't introduce you to his family, refused to have mini breaks with you and was a workaholic? He just came over to yours, ate dinner and went to bed but nothing else to the relationship. I remember some people saying he could have a double life and you insisted not. It sounds like the same poster.