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Original poster

Was this financial abuse.

44 replies

threebillboards · 04/12/2021 20:14

My brother married, who we thought, the nicest woman ever after leaving a really abusive relationship.
They were together 12 years (married) and he moved into her house (owned outright due to a divorce settlement). DB poured money into the house, her adult children, and supported her financially throughput. She didn't work, insisted on a joint account she put nothing into, constantly promised to put him on the deeds if he extended the house, bought her new cars and her DD the same.

She died a few months ago and DB was distraught at the loss of his soulmate, but it turns out she left a will (which he knew nothing about) leaving him nothing, and all to her DD and DS. They are adults and self supporting. Now they are threatening to throw him out of their house to sell it. It's in the hands of solicitors so that's not the issue.

The issue is DB still regards her as his soulmate and hovers between missing the woman he loved and is sure loved him, and utter despair that she thought so little of him she would have seen him on the street.

I listen to this and want to just shout at him she was a lying, thieving, conniving bitch who he shouldn't waste time on, but he is mourning this woman, the life he had with her, and the loss of her DCs who he felt were his friends. I'm scared he will do something bad, and don't know what to say. I am fed up with his devotion to her, his utter blindness to who she really was, and angry with him for trusting someone so blindly. I want to support him but don't know what to say for the best. I've advised bereavement counselling but he doesn't want to go.

OP posts:
SoniaFouler · 04/12/2021 22:24

Well there’s no point in being angry now, it’s happened.

Hadalifeonce · 04/12/2021 22:26

I would advise him to see a solicitor to contest the will.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 04/12/2021 22:32

@Hadalifeonce

I would advise him to see a solicitor to contest the will.
On what grounds?

You have to have grounds to contest a will. You can't just say "I want more money than i've been given so i'm going to contest it".

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 04/12/2021 22:35

It's very sad and i'm sorry for your brothers loss. Not sure what you can do about it though. It's always a worry when the house isn't in your name, but I can also understand her leaving it to her children - it was, after all her house, not your brothers.

Bettybantz · 04/12/2021 22:41

Was the will made before or after they married?

Akire · 04/12/2021 22:49

Husbands are legally entitled to 50% of estate unless certain deeds were signed to protect her house before got married. He would have known about this.

She is entitled to leave her half to whoever she wishes but as it is joint asset she can’t give away his share. Get legal advice and check what paperwork of any was done.

Viviennemary · 04/12/2021 22:53

Your brother needs to seek legal advice. It was a long marriage and he can't be left without a penny. Especially when he has made substantial contributions to the household.

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/12/2021 23:34

Go see a solicitor. I am pretty sure the law changed not so long ago in favour of spouses, so he probably has rights to a chunk, and if not, he may be able to contest. Help him to do it if he is still in lala land, never mind her, just focus on his future for him. Don’t slag her off - he may end up feeling he needs to defend her and end up not contesting the will in a weird form of loyalty. Charitably I suppose she may have assumed he’d conk first.

LawnFever · 04/12/2021 23:39

If they were married isn’t the house automatically 50% his legally regardless of whether he was on the deeds?

He needs legal advice asap.

SarahDippity · 04/12/2021 23:46

When was the will made? What ages are the children? Who are the executors?

jimmyjammy001 · 05/12/2021 02:22

As long as he has evidence he has paid for the extension to the house and any house improvements he will have a claim on the house, unfortunately he has been financially abused through his rose tinted glasses and has not seen what this women was doing to him as he was obviously in love and didn't think about it from a different angle

user1471538283 · 05/12/2021 08:43

He needs legal advice. I thought as a spouse he would get 50%. He can then sell and move on.

I understand him being upset but he needs to put himself first. Her DCs are nothing to him.

Original poster
threebillboards · 05/12/2021 09:36

Sorry the post was a long one, but it says its in the hands of the solititors already, so thats not the issue. Its more how do I suppress my anger at what this women did and how she conned him, and support my DB?

Do I just find a way to say, I'm sure she loved you but didn't think about securing your future and she was a wonderful woman, so that he has at least got the good memories to hang on to? Or try to make him see reality and move on? Its the story of his life so far to fall in love, give everything and not look at reality. I feel guilty because I didn't see it at the time, but we live far apart and he didn't discuss this with me.

I just don't know what is best with bereavement? Maybe I should ask there? He's in a very bad place at the moment and I don't know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
Original poster
threebillboards · 05/12/2021 09:38

@Luredbyapomegranate I think you are right, and I need to bite my tongue, but I am also angry with him for his stupidity after being taken for a mug with his first relationship. Yes, he has health problems and older than her so expected to go first, so didn't think about her going first.

OP posts:
DontBeCatty · 06/12/2021 01:14

When did she make the will? She might have thought she had plenty of time to change it. If she owned the house before she met him then I think it's normal to want to leave it to her own kids .

Why are you so sure she was being devious about it? Perhaps she meant to put him on the will but unfortunately died before she got the chance

Original poster
threebillboards · 06/12/2021 08:49

@DontBeCatty

When did she make the will? She might have thought she had plenty of time to change it. If she owned the house before she met him then I think it's normal to want to leave it to her own kids . Why are you so sure she was being devious about it? Perhaps she meant to put him on the will but unfortunately died before she got the chance
She made it in secret 3 years ago. She promised through the marriage he would go into the deeds if he put all his money into the house and supported her. His input increased the value probably by half (according to an estate agent) and his salary paid all the bills. She lied throughout and he supported her through 2 cancer diagnoses. She had plenty of time to change her will and lied to him even at the end denying a will and saying he could keep the house if he left it to her DCs, which he would have done. She died in his arms having him comfort and care for her physically and emotionally knowing all the while her DCs would evict him on her death. It's that bit which really destroyed him.

Trying to help him come to terms with that level of betrayal is my difficulty and I really have to bite my tongue.

OP posts:
altmember · 06/12/2021 09:24

I wouldn't consider it financial abuse, unless she left him broke during the marriage. But she was obviously a gold digging fraudster. If I was him I'd be pissing on her grave right now.

But he'll have the last laugh - when he gets his legally entitled share he can make a will to leave it to the dogs home, so her daughter's only end up with a small part of it. He's entitled to the first £270k of her estate plus half of anything above that amount. So if her estate is worth less that 270k, the daughter's will get nothing.

Happy1982ish · 06/12/2021 09:26

12 years married
And they never discussed this
Ever?

Was her death sudden?

Happy1982ish · 06/12/2021 09:27

So no
It was cancer

He sounds utterly passive
Why the heck did he accept a promise of being made joint owner for 10 years?

Original poster
threebillboards · 06/12/2021 09:29

@Happy1982ish

So no It was cancer

He sounds utterly passive
Why the heck did he accept a promise of being made joint owner for 10 years?

Because he is soft as butter and utterly trusting...and a bloody idiot desperate to be loved.
OP posts:
Happy1982ish · 06/12/2021 09:31

He sounds like a vulnerable person
Does he have any learning difficulties? Genuine question

joecormac · 06/12/2021 09:31

Hi

Ex solicitor/now lecturer in property law here. Just to say that he has a claim to part of this house, but not every high street law firm will have the right experience for this claim. Don't be afraid to change solicitors if the first firm can't help or advises him to walk away

Original poster
threebillboards · 06/12/2021 09:33

He says he was the happiest he had been in his entire life with her, and he was, so he was incredibly blinkered regarding the financial side.

He can't reconcile the happiness he had with her with this betrayal and I can see why he swings between wanting to be with her and devastation. What makes me so sad is he said to her he would give anything to take the cancer on himself and die instead. ☹️

OP posts:
Happy1982ish · 06/12/2021 09:42

Are you saying she put on a front and made him the happiest he’s ever been…. For more than 12 years?

Op I’m not doubting you

But look at the evidence
The adult children obviously can’t stand him and yet he tells you he basically dedicated himself to them

He moved into a mortgage free property and had 12 very happy years. His partner does and he finds out that he doesn’t inherit the property.

I’m a single parent. Not a chance would I give the property I 100% owned outright to my partner to inherit over my children.

He was renting before he met her? Why can’t he rent again?

Tanfastic · 06/12/2021 09:54

I understand why you feel sorry and angry for your brother and his situation. I probably would too. However, conversations surrounding wills and houses, however awkward and unromantic need to be had prior or to marriage and signed. Sealed and delivered so everybody knows where they stand, especially when there are stepchildren involved.

I used to be a legal Secretary dealing with estates and wills and you'd be surprised how many people don't have these conversations though.

I don't know what to advise op but I personally wouldn't have left my husband in this vulnerable position. Most married couples at least give the spouse the right to live in the house until they die and once they've died her kids can then inherit.

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