How old was your child when they went no contact with their father?

Secretminty0 · 2021-12-03T14:20:34+00:00

I am being gender specific, i am well aware there are children who go no contact with their mothers too. How old was your child, what reason and was there a court order or not?

changingchanges2 · 03/12/2021 14:22

I was about 18 to go completely NC. He was an alcoholic and a pretty vulgar man.

I suspect my children will eventually go NC with their dad (my husband). We are close to separating and I don't see them ever having a relationship with him once we have severed ties. My husband is an abusive alcoholic (see a pattern..!). My DC are preschool age.

LadyCampanulaTottington · 03/12/2021 14:24

She stopped wanting visitation around 9 years old. He took me to court but the judge spoke to her and said she didn’t have to be forced. We didn’t see him again after that. She’s 20 now and hasn’t seen or heard from him since.

No phone calls, emails, birthday cards etc. He just disappeared into thin air. Good riddance.

theremustonlybeone · 03/12/2021 14:24

4 and family court involved

For me I went NC with my dad when I was around 17

pointythings · 03/12/2021 14:28

Mine were 14 and 16 - they went NC as soon as he left the family home, due to the reasons why he left the family home.

Ozanj · 03/12/2021 14:29

Not my child but my best friend’s son went nc with his dad when he was 5 years old. The boy is bright and realised pretty early on that his dad didn’t care about him as much as his younger kids (guy was unreliable, cancelled contact last minute, regularly ‘forgot’ to pick him up from school on his days) & decided he since he already had a dad (stepdad) he didn’t need two. He refused to visit him after that and nothing his mum said made a difference. He’s 24 now and a dad himself and if anything he has become more firm about not having contact with him.

Original poster

Secretminty0 · 03/12/2021 14:30

I'm going through the family court and my ex is going to get some kind of contact, my daughter doesn't want to see him and she's currently being forced as she's under the age of 5 and her opinion doesn't matter. I just wonder in the future if she will go nc with her horrific abuser father.

OP posts:

Original poster

Secretminty0 · 03/12/2021 14:31

@Ozanj

Not my child but my best friend’s son went nc with his dad when he was 5 years old. The boy is bright and realised pretty early on that his dad didn’t care about him as much as his younger kids (guy was unreliable, cancelled contact last minute, regularly ‘forgot’ to pick him up from school on his days) & decided he since he already had a dad (stepdad) he didn’t need two. He refused to visit him after that and nothing his mum said made a difference. He’s 24 now and a dad himself and if anything he has become more firm about not having contact with him.

Did the dad never take her to court?

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Ozanj · 03/12/2021 14:40

@Secretminty0 - no. The bastard didn’t care enough ultimately. It was probably for the best looking back on it. His Stepdad’s (and stepdad’s family) became much more involved afterwards to ‘plug the gaps’ and so I think his life became far more stable as a result. But it was so frightening at the time because the bio dad convinced us all he would take bf to court for full custody, so we were all trying desperately trying to talk him round.

theremustonlybeone · 03/12/2021 14:58

Ozanj
To be honest that was a good thing for your friend and her DC as most courts agree to some form of contact.

My ex didnt do well during the court process and did things that showed his concern was not my DS. He ended up getting no parental responsibility or contact. This was before 2003 so he didnt have automatic and we werent married

lastqueenofscotland · 03/12/2021 15:05

My friend did at about 16 no court just started refusing to talk to him
My DP was about 22? Not completely NC - will see him for half an hour on Xmas day but that’s it and has no play in organising it

icedancerlenny · 03/12/2021 16:17

My daughter has been pretty much NC since she was 7 but saw him on an odd occasion for an hour here or there. She’s now 12 and doesn’t see him. Her choice. He’s never taken me to court but even if he did, I’m not stopping her. He’s abusive so I won’t force her, but I do encourage her. She refuses.

Pickles89 · 03/12/2021 16:40

He’s abusive so I won’t force her, but I do encourage her.

Why would you encourage your daughter to have contact with an abusive man? Surely it's better to respect her decision to avoid him, even support her in it? Isn't it a good thing to teach her to know her own mind and not be swayed but wanting to please others, even if it's at a detriment to herself?

reesewithoutaspoon · 03/12/2021 16:48

My DD early 20's contact had always been infrequent like once a year at best. He very rarely replied to her emails.He sent a long email after a few years all woe is me and wanting to develop a relationship. By that point it was just too little too late. She told him she wasn't interested. My DS just stopped trying to contact him around 14.

beautifullymad · 03/12/2021 16:51

12 years old. The moment she was assessed as Gillick competent. This was the moment she was fully able to choose without fear of reprisals.

Finals1234 · 03/12/2021 16:54

@LadyCampanulaTottington

She stopped wanting visitation around 9 years old. He took me to court but the judge spoke to her and said she didn’t have to be forced. We didn’t see him again after that. She’s 20 now and hasn’t seen or heard from him since.

No phone calls, emails, birthday cards etc. He just disappeared into thin air. Good riddance.

How old was your daughter? Mine are 14, 12 and 9 and don't want to see him but he is kicking off about it. He was abusive in the past to me and to the children. I'd be interested to know what a court would make of it and how much they would listen to the children's wishes.

Original poster

Secretminty0 · 03/12/2021 16:56

@Pickles89

He’s abusive so I won’t force her, but I do encourage her.

Why would you encourage your daughter to have contact with an abusive man? Surely it's better to respect her decision to avoid him, even support her in it? Isn't it a good thing to teach her to know her own mind and not be swayed but wanting to please others, even if it's at a detriment to herself?

I don't think you fully understand the family courts. This user is doing exactly what she should in the eyes of the court.

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WeeTattieBogle · 03/12/2021 17:02

When I was about 13. As soon as my parents separated. It’s about 50 years ago now and I’ve seen him 3 times in all of those years due to circumstances that meant it was unavoidable.

I’ve absolutely no regrets regarding the choice I made and I’m forever in awe of my lovely mum who accepted my decision and didn’t force me into access weekends etc after about a few months of hating go8ng to them.

People may think there must have been a sinister reason for me not wanting contact but there wasn’t - I just never liked him or took to him even as a little girl. He was an embarrassment.

Santaischeckinglists · 03/12/2021 17:06

At 12 and 14 my ds's went nc with their df. Despite a court order irl favouring him.
He never even text me. Dc packed their stuff when he was out. 6 monghs apart though.. Never got any letter from his solicitor either.

IAAP · 03/12/2021 17:07

47 with my parents.

My eldest D.C. was 7 and yes there was a court order and a restraining order
He has contact with the youngest and he is kind of happy to go as it is only a week x3 a year and I can see him stopping at 12 ish or whenever he is a teenager

Empra123 · 03/12/2021 17:13

Younger 2 stopped seeing their father as soon as he moved out. They were 15 at the time. One of them has some email contact with him I think, the other wants absolutely nothing to do with him. He doesn't now what uni she's at nor what she's studying.

Original poster

Secretminty0 · 03/12/2021 17:34

I think some children are just waiting to be able to make that choice and be taken seriously.

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Hen2018 · 03/12/2021 17:57

I had sole residency and my children had contact with him EOW and a tea time in the week.

The ex came up to have a shouting fit (very abusive man) and my then 14 year old absolutely verbally demolished him. He has ASD but it was like an award winning speech!

Son walked away saying, “Well! Silly man”. Absolutely no contact at all for 4 years now.

violetskiss · 03/12/2021 18:48

My husband stopped seeing his father when he was 11. His two siblings continued until they were late teens. His father didn’t really put up any fight so no court involvement etc.

GentlemanJayFab · 03/12/2021 18:56

@LadyCampanulaTottington

She stopped wanting visitation around 9 years old. He took me to court but the judge spoke to her and said she didn’t have to be forced. We didn’t see him again after that. She’s 20 now and hasn’t seen or heard from him since.

No phone calls, emails, birthday cards etc. He just disappeared into thin air. Good riddance.

Is the reason why he disappeared because you didn't want him in your lives?

GentlemanJayFab · 03/12/2021 18:59

@Secretminty0

I'm going through the family court and my ex is going to get some kind of contact, my daughter doesn't want to see him and she's currently being forced as she's under the age of 5 and her opinion doesn't matter. I just wonder in the future if she will go nc with her horrific abuser father.

She's four and she doesn't want to see her dad?