Following advice from a male friend and a female friend (who doesn't know the female friend), I sought to set some relationship boundaries with my girlfriend. The conversation took place when things were going well and I asked her to discuss what she would consider acceptable/unacceptale behaviour in our relationship. She set three boundaries and they were:
- I don't have sex with someone else
- I don't message other women inappropriately
- I don't flirt with other women
These seemed like reasonable boundaries and I accepted them wholeheartedly and knew i'd have no issue with meeting them. However, she then asked me what my boundaries were for her and I said exactly what she had asked from me. We faced a problem at this point as she told me she didn't think she would be able to meet them. I laughed because I thought she was winding me up but she was deadly serious.
Since then, she has been really annoyed that we set the boundaries and has argued with me on many things around it. She told me she will go out and get drunk (no problem) but that anything could happen, however, I should be reassured that she'll still come home to me. She will flirt with other blokes on nights out or with her colleagues (including discussing her sex life or what she would do in the bedroom), and believes that getting phone numbers is OK so long as nothing physical happens. She will continue to meet her exes or a bloke she had a fling with (but I can't meet my ex, not that I would want to). She basically told me that she wants to do whatever she wants and I have to accept it. In fact, she currently has 3 exes in her life and the other day she told me that if she was to cut her exes out of her life, she'd have no-one to speak to.
I was so in love with her I just put it all to bed and thought that as time passed then maybe we could discuss it again, however, it hasn't changed.
She has now got herself into a position where she thinks i'm jealous about everything. We were in a restaurant and the waiter was flirting with her right in front of me. She was polite and didn't flirt back but the waiter was actually beginning to interrupt our evening as he came back 3 times. At one point I went to the loo and I saw him go straight to the table as soon as I left. I didn't turn back and didn't say anything when I got back but my girlfriend told me. I just laughed it all off but she said that she was so nervous that I was going to kick off. I've repeatedly said to her that she can't help people flirting with her but it would have been different if she started flirting with him (especially as we were trying to have a romantic night).
She's told me that she's worried about texting all the various men in her life in case I get jealous. Again, i've told her that as long as it stays platonic, i'm not fussed but if she knows they're trying to get into her pants and she doesn't shut it down, then that would be different.
As for her exes, i'll be honest, I just don't get why she has to meet them but at one point I said I was OK with it (even though I wasn't). She said they just meet for coffee as they're friends, however, I recently discovered that one of them doesn't tell his wife where he's going and my girlfriend seems happy with knowing that she is a secret. As far as she's concerned, she's being honest with me and I totally get that but it just makes me feel really uncomfortable that it takes place this way.
She starts a new job in a couple of weeks and she told me that she was worried about our future as she may have lots of blokes trying it on with her. I said that as long as they know that she's in a relationship/not interested then there's not a problem but she said that she is likely to become very close to these blokes and then she will start messaging them outside of work.
I've discussed this with my friends and they tell me that my girlfriend is out of order but what are your objective views?
I feel like there's something i'm forgetting to say there so I apologise if I add additional information later on as a result of someone prompting me.