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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I might be starting to fall for you

71 replies

Hollyjollycrimbo · 02/12/2021 08:01

Said last night by my partner of over 3 years! We don’t live together and are trying to plan our futures together.
It transpires that he loves the physical side of our relationship but is not yet in love with me. Seemingly love and sex are the same thing.
And he’s in his 50s!
Time to let go?

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 02/12/2021 21:22

Tell him to fuck the fuck off.

Hollyjollycrimbo · 02/12/2021 21:42

[quote ThreeWiseBuddhas]@Hollyjollycrimbo

No doubt his plan is to get tenants to rent his, once he's paid off his mortgage , probably pocket all the rent, and then move in with you before you can say 'Luv'
He's feathering his potential nest

God I am SO cynical 🤣[/quote]
He wanted to buy into half of mine but was quickly told that wasn’t happening!

OP posts:
goody2shooz · 02/12/2021 22:17

Oh dear god - what smug, self satisfied, slug! Lift up the nearest rock (or patio?) and slide him back under. While you waste time with this tosser you’re missing out on the opportunity of meeting some decent human beings.

Raychelle · 02/12/2021 22:55

Wow! Sometimes ‘Luvs’ you?! Well if he’s so into 3 letter words, you should DMP HIS ASS!

ThreeWiseBuddhas · 02/12/2021 23:01

@Hollyjollycrimbo

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!

hahahawhatchalaughinat · 02/12/2021 23:15

This man sounds like he needs to grow up. I cannot believe a 50 something would say "luv". How emotionally immature is that?! Yuk.

Newestname002 · 03/12/2021 03:13

@Hollyjollycrimbo

ThreeWiseBuddhas
Retirement is looming..... he's looking to start his plan.

^Hollyjollycrimbo
Wondered that too, I earn more than him, a good bit more than him, But according to him, I have more debt as I’m paying a mortgage and he’s practically at the end of his.
^

He wanted to buy into half of mine but was quickly told that wasn’t happening!

Well that's quite a picture building up here. He's looking towards you as a financial investment for himself plus a potential long-term carer.

You've got the measure of this man, OP and can certainly do better. 🌹

GertietheGherkin · 03/12/2021 03:30

Good grief OP he's not one to rushed is he?

Don't even get me started on the "Luv" business. I positively cringed !

Get rid of this ridiculous tortoise of a man. Tell him you're not sure about him after 3yrs either really, as you would have thought that the sex would have at least started to improve in that length of time.

updownroundandround · 03/12/2021 06:29

Yep, he sees you AS his retirement 'plan' Shock

What an absolute tosser !

I'd be telling him 'Sorry, you can't come over tonight as I've got a hot date with a lovely young funeral director ...........I met him when I went in to pre-pay your cremation plan..........and if my luck's in, I'll get a discount !' Wink

liveforsummer · 03/12/2021 06:32

Did he actually think that was a compliment. Eugh. Sorry you've wasted 3 years of your life on this bloke, I suppose the flags were there but they can be hard to spot when you're in the moment.

WineAway · 03/12/2021 07:07

He’s looking for a nurse & a purse. Can you see yourself spending your best middle age with this person?

Skeumorph · 03/12/2021 09:50

oh god yes, the finances.

Clear as a bell I'm afraid OP.

It's dawned on him that he'd be wise now to couple up properly and get his mitts into a two-income household... which would then become a household where he's retired and you still bring in the cash.

Lol at you having 'more debt' because you have a mortgage!! Um - NO!

Dump. And enjoy the dumping. Tell him if he's going to decide he 'luvs' you properly, then you're moving on as it would only be terribly lonely for him in old age, as you have no plans to combine households or assets... ever. :)

billy1966 · 03/12/2021 11:27

@Skeumorph

oh god yes, the finances.

Clear as a bell I'm afraid OP.

It's dawned on him that he'd be wise now to couple up properly and get his mitts into a two-income household... which would then become a household where he's retired and you still bring in the cash.

Lol at you having 'more debt' because you have a mortgage!! Um - NO!

Dump. And enjoy the dumping. Tell him if he's going to decide he 'luvs' you properly, then you're moving on as it would only be terribly lonely for him in old age, as you have no plans to combine households or assets... ever. :)

He thinks you are dim OP.

Nurse with a purse is bang on the money.

WhatMattersMost · 03/12/2021 11:50

What an avoidant man! Even his phrase "I might be starting to fall for you" is a triple conditional. Couple this with "luv" - which is absolutely another avoidance tactic - and you've got a man who never even stepped through the front door.

ProudThrilledHappy · 03/12/2021 11:58

Getting a “luv” text from my partner would have made my vagina clamp shut for the foreseeable future

Agree with pp that you are probably his fall-back retirement plan, assuming someone better doesn’t come along in the meantime.

Life is too short to waste on people who don’t value you

Hydrate · 03/12/2021 22:08

Bridget Jones sums it up well....
"That's not a good enough offer for me."
"I'm looking for something more extraordinary than that".

Aquamarine1029 · 03/12/2021 22:10

I can't believe you've wasted 3 years on this fuckwit.

Gotlogs20 · 03/12/2021 22:12

Deffo time to let go! What a cheek.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 03/12/2021 23:09

@hahahawhatchalaughinat

This man sounds like he needs to grow up. I cannot believe a 50 something would say "luv". How emotionally immature is that?! Yuk.
Not only emotionally immature, but right out of the 1970s.
Houseplantmad · 03/12/2021 23:16

“Nurse with a purse”.

Dead right. Things can only get better for you now you’ve seen the light.

goody2shooz · 04/12/2021 09:05

Don’t think I’d let this one go so much as launch him into outer space. Yesterday!
Do hope you’ve dumped….

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