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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I might be starting to fall for you

71 replies

Hollyjollycrimbo · 02/12/2021 08:01

Said last night by my partner of over 3 years! We don’t live together and are trying to plan our futures together.
It transpires that he loves the physical side of our relationship but is not yet in love with me. Seemingly love and sex are the same thing.
And he’s in his 50s!
Time to let go?

OP posts:
ThisismyChristmasnom · 02/12/2021 14:47

Has his secret wife just dumped him or something?! WTAF.

billy1966 · 02/12/2021 14:57

@ManchesterTartwithCustard

Time to "let go"?

Sorry to say it but its time to gather up every single bit of him, pick him up and chuck him as far away as you can physically manage. This man is the type that will stall, dither, string you along, even " might start to fall for you" and then suddenly he will tell you that he is getting married to somebody else.
"Let him go" ?
Too right, ASAP
Sorry to be harsh, but there is somebody so much better out there for you, go and find him and don't worry about stepping on this loser on the way.

This.

What a loser, with one hell of an opinion of himself

Ick.

I wouldn't trust him as far as I would throw him.

Bin. Block.

Flowers
Yummypumpkin · 02/12/2021 15:04

He is beyond repair. Do return him to your nearest unit for dismantling.

furbabymama87 · 02/12/2021 15:08

I wouldn't put up with it. Most unmarried men I know in their 50s don't want serious relationships because they've already done marriage and kids and now just want casual and fun. Not saying this is the case here but age is irrelevant.

ElectraBlue · 02/12/2021 15:16

I am a bit confused.

In the past 3 years he has never told you that he loved you and equally you have never told him that you love him? Why did you stay so long with a man who never put his feelings into words?

Or did he claim to love you before and then suddenly clarified what he meant all along ( that in fact he loved having sex with you without any real emotional attachment).

Get rid of him but next time you have a partner discuss where you both stand much earlier in the relationship...

Original poster
Hollyjollycrimbo · 02/12/2021 16:31

Just home from work and reading all these responses. Thank you everyone, you are all so right. I deserve much better.

OP posts:
Obsidiansphere · 02/12/2021 16:33

Fuck that!

Original poster
Hollyjollycrimbo · 02/12/2021 16:35

@ElectraBlue

I am a bit confused.

In the past 3 years he has never told you that he loved you and equally you have never told him that you love him? Why did you stay so long with a man who never put his feelings into words?

Or did he claim to love you before and then suddenly clarified what he meant all along ( that in fact he loved having sex with you without any real emotional attachment).

Get rid of him but next time you have a partner discuss where you both stand much earlier in the relationship...

He would tell me, by WhatsApp, daily that he ‘luvs’ me, usually at bedtime. I was always a bit 🤔 at the spelling of ‘luv’ but tried not to read too much into it. Then we fell out a couple of weeks ago and he said he sometimes ‘luvs’ me. I told him you couldn’t turn it on and off.
OP posts:
KittenCatcher · 02/12/2021 16:42

Blimey, he sounds a real catch, he sometimes luvs you, what an homour.

ReadyforTakeOff · 02/12/2021 16:47

A 50+ year old using the word 'luv'? That's by far the biggest crime.

What a loser.

Original poster
Hollyjollycrimbo · 02/12/2021 16:47

@ReadyforTakeOff

A 50+ year old using the word 'luv'? That's by far the biggest crime.

What a loser.

That actually made me chuckle, thank you! I needed that!
OP posts:
Skeumorph · 02/12/2021 18:52

LUV?!

OP I am so sorry but I thought that simply dumping him would be enough. Sadly it now looks as if humane euthanasia is the only option.

Do you have a local, and discreet, vet? Show them the texts and I am sure they will do the deed. He won't know anything about it. Take him with his favourite blanket and just get it over with.

ThreeWiseBuddhas · 02/12/2021 18:57

My reply would have been 'And you need to fall out of my front door...and fuck off out of my life sunshine'

Retirement is looming..... he's looking to start his plan.

IamGusFring · 02/12/2021 18:58

He's a cock - tell him to fuck off with his stupidity !

babbi · 02/12/2021 19:02

@BalladOfBarryAndFreda

Was that supposed to be flattering? Even if it was 3 weeks I’d be Hmm at the sheer bollocks backhandedness of ‘might’ and ‘starting to’. Jog on.
This in spades …. Not an acceptable statement at any point ( too vague and dishing little hints ) but after 3 years ??!!

Get shot now

TellMeItsPossible · 02/12/2021 19:06

The sheer brass neck of men like this is unreal.

fluffiphlox · 02/12/2021 19:11

I think you would be well within your rights to tell him to go and boil his head.

NynaeveSedai · 02/12/2021 19:16

Does he think that by spelling love wrong it doesn't mean the same?
What an absolute gaslighting wanker.

SarahBellam · 02/12/2021 20:10

LUV? Sounds like he’s trying to sell you a halibut. Yeah, bin him off.

SparklingLime · 02/12/2021 20:14

Take him with his favourite blanket and just get it over with.

Brilliant, @Skeumorph! 😂😂

Original poster
Hollyjollycrimbo · 02/12/2021 21:13

@NynaeveSedai

Does he think that by spelling love wrong it doesn't mean the same? What an absolute gaslighting wanker.
I now wonder if he did think that spelling it that way was a sign... And yes, an absolute gaslighting wanker indeed.
OP posts:
Original poster
Hollyjollycrimbo · 02/12/2021 21:15

@ThreeWiseBuddhas

My reply would have been 'And you need to fall out of my front door...and fuck off out of my life sunshine'

Retirement is looming..... he's looking to start his plan.

Wondered that too, I earn more than him, a good bit more than him, But according to him, I have more debt as I’m paying a mortgage and he’s practically at the end of his.
OP posts:
Original poster
Hollyjollycrimbo · 02/12/2021 21:16

@Skeumorph

LUV?!

OP I am so sorry but I thought that simply dumping him would be enough. Sadly it now looks as if humane euthanasia is the only option.

Do you have a local, and discreet, vet? Show them the texts and I am sure they will do the deed. He won't know anything about it. Take him with his favourite blanket and just get it over with.

😂
OP posts:
TopCatsTopHat · 02/12/2021 21:19

@Skeumorph

LUV?!

OP I am so sorry but I thought that simply dumping him would be enough. Sadly it now looks as if humane euthanasia is the only option.

Do you have a local, and discreet, vet? Show them the texts and I am sure they will do the deed. He won't know anything about it. Take him with his favourite blanket and just get it over with.

I'm creased. There is nothing I can say that would add anything worth having after this. Grin
ThreeWiseBuddhas · 02/12/2021 21:21

@Hollyjollycrimbo

No doubt his plan is to get tenants to rent his, once he's paid off his mortgage , probably pocket all the rent, and then move in with you before you can say 'Luv'
He's feathering his potential nest

God I am SO cynical 🤣

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