EX DH invites DS to his for xmas with out discussing with me

[gorgeousfeebie]

I thought we had xmas all sorted I was having DS for xmas & Ex DH was having him for new year as we have always swapped round.And we had discussed this years plans, but poor DS (10) is now confused as when I put him to bed last night I asked why he was upset & he said that dad & Ex DH girlfriend has invited him to her house for xmas & that Ex DH girlfriend would spend as much on him as she does on her own 2 DC (which is about £500 each) but he doesnt know what to do as doesnt want to upset anyone. I have said do what makes you happy & of course I would like to have xmas with him but if he wants to go there for xmas I am happy with that to. - Have I said the right thing? I am mad with Ex DH as I feel he should have said something to me before saying to DS. Help needed on how to handle the situation.

Baffy I can get him there no problem but Ex H wont have it.

And now that DS seems settled with going there, I dont feel I should bring it up any more & just let him go & just make him feel happy about going even thought I am mad inside, as dont want DS thinking he has upset anyone.And make christmas day night & boxing day extra special for us.

And send that t**t (sorry) a solicitor letter & think if behaviour carries on like this the orginal agreement in place might just have to be changed.

feebie you're a wonderful mum

I totally agree with you and you're doing an amazing thing being happy for ds and supporting him

make christmas night and boxing day special like you say. that way you're making the best of the situation and putting your son first. that is the best thing you can do.

and get that solicitors letter sorted asap!

totally agree

Santasmissyontheside that must be awful for you as get annoyed when people dont let children go to Ex Partners when they have g/friends. I have always let DS go to ex h as I think it is good to maintain a relationship etc but what I dont want is ex h & I agreeing one thing & then going behind my back.

My parents are divorced but was always friendly with each other by putting my brother & I first.

Baffy - thanks hun feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall.

i can completely understand.

maybe worth saying when/if anything is sorted that you have your sons best interests at heart hence only doing this for him. tell him that this will not happen again and in future to think more carefully? perhaps saying that in a very calm don't give a shit but do type manner to his face might make an effect? make sure he can not reply to you though!

Gorgeous feebie, what worries me mostly about this is that you have asked your son to choose. I really think that as he is so young, YOU as the adult must decide. And as you had a perfectly good arrangement that that must be stuck to. Who knows where your son would like to be? I don't know him but I'm sure he will love being with you and most of all will prefer to have the 'adults' sort things out, not have anything left up to him, the child, to decide in such acrimonious circumstances.

My condolences to you on having a wanker for an ex DH and a wankeress as an ex DH's girlfriend. Good luck.

i agree with elf, i dont think the decision should be his

you need to tell him what he is doing

Elf I didnt ask my son to chose it was my ex DH who suggested the idea!!!!! therefore put DS in this situation, I only found out Sunday evening when put DS to bed & asked him what was wrong.I have tried to resolve this situation with ex DH but talking to him is like banging your head against a brick wall.

So my son has said what he would like to do so I am trying to be happy for my son & telling him to have a good time so that he can feel happy at the situation that my wanker of a ex DH has put him in.